Facebook share
LinkedIn share
Google plus share
Twitter plus share
Give Advice
Ask For Advice
Page 1 of 3 123 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 27

Thread: Whatís the most non-awkward way to begin a friendship socially?

  1. #1
    Silver Member Soulsister2010's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2012
    Location
    San Francisco Bay
    Posts
    486
    Gender
    Female

    Whatís the most non-awkward way to begin a friendship socially?

    I canít even believe Iím asking this because I have made many friends in my 40 years but they have pretty much all been organic. I live in a very hustle bustle area where unless you are a really social person and Iím not (even though Iím an extrovert, Iím kind of socially introverted), itís hard to make friends. Everyone is so damn busy. One of my colleagues lives in my town and she mentioned we ought to get together so I invited her to listen to live music at one of our local coffee shops. She canceled as I was on my way to meet her and that was that. Never has happened again. I have recently made a new potential friend. We exchanged numbers and talked about hanging out sometime but again, I think neither of us really know how to initiate the ďhanging outĒ thing. We donít even really text. I have initiated two quick text convos and she doesnít keep the conversation going. Then when I see her in person at the gym, we laugh and have good and super easy conversations. Part of me wants to see if she wants to go do something really easy to break the ice but Iím not sure what that would be... get coffee maybe after a class? Or just do nothing for now? I donít know. Iím clearly not great at this kind of thing or I would have a mountain of friends. And I donít need or want that. But a few really good new friends would be great!

    Any ideas are welcomed? For example, dinner would be awkward because we donít know each other that well. I need less awkward ideas. Thank you!

  2. #2
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Posts
    22,954
    Gender
    Female
    Just ask the potential friend to do something related to what you already do. if you see the potential friend at the gym, tell her you are looking for someone to do the pilates class with. Don't go from gym to girl's night. Ask her to a group thing "hey we started this running group on X night if you are game. we usually do 3 miles and then get ice cream" that is outside of the gym

    I do think you have an extra obstacle in that you are lesbian - women could be uncomfortable that you think your interest is romantic/they don't want to give you the wrong idea. Perhaps?

  3. #3
    Silver Member Soulsister2010's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2012
    Location
    San Francisco Bay
    Posts
    486
    Gender
    Female

    Whatís the most non-awkward way to begin a friendship socially?

    Originally Posted by abitbroken
    Just ask the potential friend to do something related to what you already do. if you see the potential friend at the gym, tell her you are looking for someone to do the pilates class with. Don't go from gym to girl's night. Ask her to a group thing "hey we started this running group on X night if you are game. we usually do 3 miles and then get ice cream" that is outside of the gym

    I do think you have an extra obstacle in that you are lesbian - women could be uncomfortable that you think your interest is romantic/they don't want to give you the wrong idea. Perhaps?
    Yes!!! I am very aware of this. I do think that if someone knows Iím a lesbian but they donít know me that well, I am very careful to have a lot of boundaries and not be overly eager. Kinda cool of you to even think of it!

    She did ask me to do a class at the gym this evening but I hadnít heard from her and I was kind of needing a break from exercise and so I texted her and told her that I would love to join her but I needed a rest day. I will be doing her class on Friday and then we do a class together on Sunday and she teaches again on Monday. It just seems like that is what we do. We take classes together or I take her class but I was wondering what the next logical step would be. I donít think she really knows either. I mean, we are both pretty much off this week and neither of us suggested getting together. Iím not in a hurry but I havenít been able to find a non-awkward way to propose something really simple and easy to do (other than taking classes). Thanks, Abitbroken!

  4. #4
    I think you're on the right track with suggesting something like coffee or live music. Also, maybe you could try to see what other activities she enjoys. Maybe if she isn't that talkative through text you can ask her casually when you bump into her at the gym again then you'll have a better idea if she's interested in hanging out especially if you suggest something a little more specific. It's hard through text/phones to gather how someone truly feels and sometimes challenging to continue conversations that way when you don't know them well enough so narrowing down a plan for coffee sounds good.

    If you have other coworkers you get along with that you'd like to hang out with after work you could try that as well. Maybe even grabbing a quick bite to eat would be something doable.

    Also, do not be discouraged just because one person flakes out. People get flakey or busy or tired and change their minds but don't take it personally unless you notice a pattern with multiple different people.

  5.  

  6. #5
    Silver Member Soulsister2010's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2012
    Location
    San Francisco Bay
    Posts
    486
    Gender
    Female
    Originally Posted by lovetrap00
    I think you're on the right track with suggesting something like coffee or live music. Also, maybe you could try to see what other activities she enjoys. Maybe if she isn't that talkative through text you can ask her casually when you bump into her at the gym again then you'll have a better idea if she's interested in hanging out especially if you suggest something a little more specific. It's hard through text/phones to gather how someone truly feels and sometimes challenging to continue conversations that way when you don't know them well enough so narrowing down a plan for coffee sounds good.

    If you have other coworkers you get along with that you'd like to hang out with after work you could try that as well. Maybe even grabbing a quick bite to eat would be something doable.

    Also, do not be discouraged just because one person flakes out. People get flakey or busy or tired and change their minds but don't take it personally unless you notice a pattern with multiple different people.
    Thank you, lovetrap! Yes, itís way easier to talk in person. I was thinking of something really easy like coffee RIGHT after we just did a class because that is when we typically talk and catch up anyway. Sheís an introvert and so I gather she isnít going to be asking me to do anything first. I think we have the potential to be actual friends which I donít always feel when I meet people and so I want to get to know her better but in a non-weird way. The live music could be a good idea to try again! Thank you!

  7. #6
    Platinum Member IAmFCA's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2012
    Age
    53
    Posts
    10,301
    Gender
    Female
    I met a woman at the gym and we talked extensively about business topics. I followed up and suggested something and she replied with detail about fiance, wedding, dog as if she couldn't run fast enough. i think she even quit the gym; at least, I never did see her after that. I guess she thought I was hitting on her and I hadn't protected her from that assumption. (I wasn't; I'm not even a lesbian).

    Your thread is a helpful one. Friendships require time, incremental progress, like dating. does.

  8. #7
    Silver Member Soulsister2010's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2012
    Location
    San Francisco Bay
    Posts
    486
    Gender
    Female

    Whatís the most non-awkward way to begin a friendship socially?

    Originally Posted by IAmFCA
    I met a woman at the gym and we talked extensively about business topics. I followed up and suggested something and she replied with detail about fiance, wedding, dog as if she couldn't run fast enough. i think she even quit the gym; at least, I never did see her after that. I guess she thought I was hitting on her and I hadn't protected her from that assumption. (I wasn't; I'm not even a lesbian).

    Your thread is a helpful one. Friendships require time, incremental progress, like dating. does.
    IamFCA, WOW! Thank you for this!! Iím sorry about your friend! That is really too bad (for her because Iím sure youíre awesome)!! When I first met this woman, she mentioned her husband in that way and then after we chatted a few more times and she was more comfortable, she said that she and her husband are separated but best friends and so I still refer to him as her hubby (because he is) and I will ask about him, etc. because I think itís important to have that boundary. You know, I donít actually think I have felt the need to do that much in my life and maybe itís because a lot of my closest friends have also been gay but I am becoming increasingly aware of it. This woman doesnít at all think that I am hitting on her I donít think which is great. It really IS like dating, friendships. I think perhaps I will just wait and have more chats with her where itís easy and comfortable and then perhaps, as you said, a natural and incremental progression will happen over time. Itís still very very recent that we started chatting. Thank you for such a helpful comment!!!

  9. #8
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Location
    New Jersey
    Posts
    21,394
    Gender
    Female
    If you find yourself in convo with the exercise friend, ask her if she wants to join you for a cool down walk around the parking lot. Side-by-side walking tends to open people up because it's less eye contact and equality in stride.

    Then you can banter about general stuff and learn one another's hobbies, interests, work life, etc. without standing on point holding gym bags.

  10. #9
    Silver Member Soulsister2010's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2012
    Location
    San Francisco Bay
    Posts
    486
    Gender
    Female
    Originally Posted by catfeeder
    If you find yourself in convo with the exercise friend, ask her if she wants to join you for a cool down walk around the parking lot. Side-by-side walking tends to open people up because it's less eye contact and equality in stride.

    Then you can banter about general stuff and learn one another's hobbies, interests, work life, etc. without standing on point holding gym bags.
    Ahhh, great suggestion, Catfeeder! Thanks! We also both take our dogs on a local trail. I thought about that as well. I might just wait for a bit to see if she makes any suggestions but if she doesnít, I will. Thanks!!

  11. #10
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Location
    Cloud Nine
    Posts
    31,544
    Gender
    Male
    Your idea about mentioning an interesting local event is a good one. Make it low key and casual. Such as "did you hear about [event, club, thing, whatever]?" Find out mutual interests.
    Originally Posted by Soulsister2010
    I invited her to listen to live music at one of our local coffee shops. Part of me wants to see if she wants to go do something really easy to break the ice but Iím not sure what that would be... get coffee maybe after a class?

Page 1 of 3 123 LastLast

Give Advice
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •