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Thread: Not enjoying my nanny job

  1. #11
    Platinum Member
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    Bringing home a new sibling is beyond stressful for the new kid. It's like your husband just brought home a new woman, and says she's now going to live with us. I get this is tough for the mom with a new baby, but she needs to take some time with her eldest, while you watch the newborn, even for an hour or two, and they can play a game together, or just cuddle. His behavior is normal and reactive to what is going on. Timeouts don't work on every kid. In this scenario, ask the mom if they can swap, so you have time caring for the baby, while she has QT with her son, then go do awesome stuff on the other times, set up play dates with other mommy groups, art lessons, museum trips with passes from the library. Indoor playground or play places. Etc. This kid needs time to get to know you.

    Don't take it personally...the kid has his whole life turned upside down.

  2. #12
    Gold Member thisisrichey's Avatar
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    there are a lot of things going on here.
    1. 2 wk old baby. Kid is probably jealous of "mommy's attention" being 100% on new baby and not on him anymore. Futhermore she's pushing him to somebody else (a stranger) instead of his own mom to spend time with. I can understand why he's acting like this.
    2. Also, it's obvious he's doing all he can to FORCE his mom to pay attention to him. This only works if Mom is within earshot. Also, it only happens when she's "available" (aka in the vicinity).
    3. It is very important to note that when the child is "threatened" - aka something he covets or desires is threatened to be removed - he behaves.

    So.. given all this 3 - we can come up with a few things to help the situation.
    a. maybe babysitting should only occur at your place instead of theirs - have them drop off the kid at a neutral or your spot where mom will not be (i'm sure she'll appreciate the time away from kid to focus on new baby). It is the MOM'S OBLIGATION and responsibility to make it clear to the child that mom is NOT available for the next 2-4 hrs and that you are helping and going to spend time with him "at the zoo" (something he covets/desires to calm him down about the outting) and make it sound like a reward, an adventure, a FUN thing to look forward to for him. That is MOM's responsibility to frame it so the kid behaves.

    b. you need to be very consistent in "threatening" to remove something he desires when he misbehaves. IN your narrative when you explain he hits you or throws toys at your face, you never mentioned that you made any announcements or alerts that "fun time" or "those toys" will be removed.. or even a 'time out'. which leads to C...

    c. it needs to be clear to Mom that if they want to hire you - you will be using YOUR disciplinary tecchniques while the child is with you - not theirs. You can outline to them what those are for their approval or to find another nanny (things like "time outs", etc.)

    I think those 3 things should make a difference for now and then can be modified, tweaked, added to as needed. But that's a good foundational start.
    LASTLY - yo are NOT obligated to take and keep this job if it's not working for you. So the ultimate "threat" - you can always say "no thank you" and walk out yourself...

  3. #13
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    I agree with thisrichey -when I nannied/babysat it was much better when mom left. And when I had a mother's helper (my niece!) part time over two summers when he was 4 and 5 same thing -even if I was in another room it was too distracting to hear him and of course he could come and find me. She did do something once I didn't approve of so much but to me my hiring her meant she needed leeway so I said nothing in light of the larger goals//purpose.

  4. #14
    Gold Member thisisrichey's Avatar
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    i wll also say that as the kid starts to realize this isn't changing - that he has a sibling and mom needs to take care of that sibling and that a nanny is his new reality - he will simmer down and work with his new reality. it may take a while, but as long as Mom doesn't give in and always come to the tantrum throwing baby (even to discipline him) - it should go away.

    how often mom and nanny DON'T stay consistent with the plan and reinforce this new reality on the child - the longer his tantrums will continue.

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  6. #15
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    He's jealous that the baby gets all that alone time with Mom.

    Consider swapping children while in her company--you look after baby while she dresses the boy. Then the 'discipline' you both offer him is a REWARD instead of punishment. HE gets special time with Mom after behaving well during your outing.

    When you return the child, switch roles again. Mom takes special alone time with son while you tend to baby.

    If the two of you will remain consistent with this, he'll learn that acting out makes Mom go away to the baby until he cooperates.

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