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Thread: Why does my ex girlfriend’s family frequently reaches out to me??

  1. #1

    Why does my ex girlfriend’s family frequently reaches out to me??

    Okay, so my ex girlfriend ( we’re both 21) and I broken up late 2017. 2 weeks after she started dating someone else and is still with that person I believe; and ever since that break up, we haven’t talked at all to this day. But also since that break up, her family has been contacting me frequently. Granted, her family liked me very much and I too felt the same way towards them, they’re generally great people. But I’m not sure why they decided to be this way after the break up. Her cousin contacts me the most, he’ll mostly talk about video games -- he’s a cool guy, he’s a little younger. Her other family members mostly just comment on my post on Instagram and Facebook and they’ll message me occasionally. And what really got me to ask this question is when her grandmother, who I saw like twice during our 2 year relationship, added me on social media. Like idk I feel a granddaughters ex should be completely irrelevant to a grandmother especially when they’re dating someone new. Why would they be doing this?.. I almost never reach out to them at all for reasons of not being reminded of my ex. Like I appreciate the support they give and nice comments but I kinda don’t want to be constantly reminded about my ex you know? Any suggestions on what I should do? Thanks.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    You need to delete and block her and All her people from All you social media and All you messaging apps. If you want to stay friends with certain relatives of hers, why not? But that is your choice and not really a question.
    Originally Posted by Mrgreenjeans
    since that break up, her family has been contacting me frequently. Her cousin contacts me the most, he’ll mostly talk about video games -- he’s a cool guy, he’s a little younger.

  3. #3
    Silver Member Ironman3's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Mrgreenjeans
    Okay, so my ex girlfriend ( we’re both 21) and I broken up late 2017. 2 weeks after she started dating someone else and is still with that person I believe; and ever since that break up, we haven’t talked at all to this day. But also since that break up, her family has been contacting me frequently. Granted, her family liked me very much and I too felt the same way towards them, they’re generally great people. But I’m not sure why they decided to be this way after the break up. Her cousin contacts me the most, he’ll mostly talk about video games -- he’s a cool guy, he’s a little younger. Her other family members mostly just comment on my post on Instagram and Facebook and they’ll message me occasionally. And what really got me to ask this question is when her grandmother, who I saw like twice during our 2 year relationship, added me on social media. Like idk I feel a granddaughters ex should be completely irrelevant to a grandmother especially when they’re dating someone new. Why would they be doing this?.. I almost never reach out to them at all for reasons of not being reminded of my ex. Like I appreciate the support they give and nice comments but I kinda don’t want to be constantly reminded about my ex you know? Any suggestions on what I should do? Thanks.
    Like Wiseman2 said, this is your choice. Maybe they connect with you more than just as her boyfriend. If they don't bother you and you have an occasional chat / call, them just leave them be. I think people just add people on facebook or instagram just coz friend suggestions pop up or they are just looking to add anyone / everyone they know. This could be the case with the grandmother. I wouldn't read much into being friends on facebook / instagram unless the grandmother DMs you or something. If you enjoy their company, you could keep in touch with them. Otherwise just delete/block them if you feel its bothering you or reminding you of your ex.

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    I would cut the lot of them off, if it bothered me.

    On the other hand, it speaks well of you as a decent human being that they are in contact.

    It also suggests to me they don't like the new guy much.

    What you might want to take into account is that they probably pass on information about you to her.

    I am not suggesting using this conduit pipe to game play, but if you are working on yourself and improving, there is nothing wrong with her finding out about it.

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  6. #5
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    They are contacting you because they felt they had a connection with you in your own right, not just as her boyfriend.

    My former inlaws keep in touch with me - regularly if not that frequently - because we have a lot in common. My relationship with them is completely independent of the one with my ex, and has been so for over 30 years.

    If you don't want to keep in touch with her family, let them know that you think they're great people but it's bringing back painful memories. Otherwise - enjoy!

  7. #6
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    The cousin talking about video games seems to see you as a video game buddy in its own right and independent of whatever relationship you do or don't have with this cousin. So if you like that, carry on.

    As for assorted family making comments on social media....I mean...social media is its own world. It would be different if they were calling you or sending you private messages chatting away with you or inviting you to family events. I wouldn't take their likes or whatever too seriously because a lot of people will comment and like habitually as it comes up on their feed. However, if it bothers you, then remove/unfriend them. You are done with your ex, so no need to keep her family around either.

  8. #7
    Silver Member Gary Snyder's Avatar
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    They like you, Isn't that cute! Hey, it's good to be popular, it's a good problem to have! Don't knock it, maybe granny will put you in her Will

  9. #8
    Platinum Member Clio's Avatar
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    In a way, it's a compliment. Imo, it indicates that they genuinely liked you, were sorry to see you go and consider you a good guy regardless of things not working out, someone worthy to keep in touch with. Having said that, this is unrelated to your ex. Imo, you should not attach any meaning to it regarding where your ex stands. She has moved on, time has passed, and chances are that they don't realize how this contact might stll be hurtful for you.

    What you should do depends on your self-control and state of healing. If you are prone to cyber-stalking on social media and you are still carrying a torch for your ex, then it might be best to unfriend them. If you have self-control, then you could keep them on your friends list but unfollow them so that their posts won't come up in your newsfeed. I have acquaintances buried like that in my FB list, that I haven't looked up for years. It's as if they don't exist.

    The key thing is not to associate their behaviour with your ex and not attach any special meaning to it connected to her. In reality their behaviour is random and irrelevant to your ex.

  10. #9
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    Originally Posted by Clio
    In a way, it's a compliment. Imo, it indicates that they genuinely liked you, were sorry to see you go and consider you a good guy regardless of things not working out, someone worthy to keep in touch with. Having said that, this is unrelated to your ex. Imo, you should not attach any meaning to it regarding where your ex stands. She has moved on, time has passed, and chances are that they don't realize how this contact might stll be hurtful for you.

    What you should do depends on your self-control and state of healing. If you are prone to cyber-stalking on social media and you are still carrying a torch for your ex, then it might be best to unfriend them. If you have self-control, then you could keep them on your friends list but unfollow them so that their posts won't come up in your newsfeed. I have acquaintances buried like that in my FB list, that I haven't looked up for years. It's as if they don't exist.

    The key thing is not to associate their behaviour with your ex and not attach any special meaning to it connected to her. In reality their behaviour is random and irrelevant to your ex.
    Completely agree. I had an ex's family reach out to me occasionally despite the fact that she was engaged to another guy. It didn't bother me because I no longer had any emotional attachment to her but I think her sister had hoped that we would get back together one day. If I still had any emotional attachment at that point, it might have been difficult....

  11. #10
    Gold Member thisisrichey's Avatar
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    yeah tha'ts really strange. minimally it means they like you sincerely. alterior motives? yo'll have to figure that one out.
    however, it is YOUR social media and YOU are in charge of it. so if this is not a comfy thing for you - definitely wish them the best and thank them for being so kind and accepting of you... but it is time to move on since you are ex's with their (grand)daughter.

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