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Thread: Any way to salvage this?

  1. #11
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    So do you think this was an issue of timing or just not that into me?

  2. #12
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    He's already sleeping with someone else and sounds like he does not want to commit.

    You would be wasting your time and his to continue this and visa versa.

    Honestly, why bother? He does not want what you want and you will be waiting out for nothing but heartache.

    He's not the one.

  3. 02-24-2019, 10:27 PM

  4. #13
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Neither. He isn't looking for a relationship, either in general or with you. Don't waste your time.
    Originally Posted by kathy82
    So do you think this was an issue of timing or just not that into me?

  5. #14
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    Why bother trying to salvage this? What is there to salvage, really?

    The great connection you feel isn't mutual. He likes you well enough to hang out and sleep together sometimes, but isn't in it for the same reasons you are. It was actually a good thing that you both realized you want different things from this. You were hoping to stay in touch with the goal of possibly heading toward a relationship. He doesn't want a relationship. So staying in touch would mean that, yes, you date each other but he would also continue to date and sleep with others.

    I would let this one go and keep looking. He isn't the guy for you.

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  7. #15
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    Originally Posted by kathy82
    Had a few great dates w a guy I met online (me: mid-30s; him: early 40s) During pillow talk after making out (no sex), we were talking about the last time we had sex with someone and I found out that he has been going on dates with someon else non-exclusively for a couple of months (they are sleeping together exclusively though) and that right now he isnít looking for a serious relationship (because he recently got out of one). I told him Iím looking for someone who is dating with the intention of finding a real/serious relationship (I stressed that I didnít know if I wanted a relationship with him yet though as too early). He suggested we stay in touch and see what happens as he doesnít know how he will feel a few months from now about a serious relationship. I said prob not a good idea bc I didnít want to get more invested in someone who doesnít want the same things. He left. The next morning I regretted my reaction bc I realize everyone multi-dates at first. I texted him that I didnít feel great about the way I acted or how we left things and that the conversation was premature. I also told him that Iíd be in his city next weekend and would like to see him if heís up for it. He wrote a long response basically saying that honesty is always a good thing, that we are on different pages right now, and that both deserve a situation that works for us. He also said he would be out of town next weekend but that he would love to stay in touch if Iím up for it. I replied that yes Iíd like to stay in touch and thanked him for being honest. He replied that heís really glad to hear is to stay in touch. However, Im confused: I thought my text made it clear that I am ok w/ casual for now, so why hasnít he asked to see me again? Is there any way to salvage this- I feel quite silly and regret the intense conversation because I felt a real connection with this guy.
    Let it go. You want a relationship. Don't settle for casual sex in the hopes it will work out for you. It won't.
    He suggested we stay in touch and see what happens as he doesnít know how he will feel a few months from now about a serious relationship.
    Stop falling for this crap ladies. As a former a***hole let me translate.

    "I'm happy to string you along for sex until I tire of it, or you figure out my scam and move on."

    Just stop. If he doesn't want you know, he's not going to magically want you at some future time. You can take that to the bank.

  8. #16
    Platinum Member figureitout23's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Sportster2005
    Let it go. You want a relationship. Don't settle for casual sex in the hopes it will work out for you. It won't.


    Stop falling for this crap ladies. As a former a***hole let me translate.

    "I'm happy to string you along for sex until I tire of it, or you figure out my scam and move on."

    Just stop. If he doesn't want you know, he's not going to magically want you at some future time. You can take that to the bank.
    Let the choir sing!

    This indecision comfort blanket is a noose in diguise.

    I donít think it had anything to do with you or bad timing he simply doesnít want what you want.

  9. #17
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    Weird because during our conversations (one night we talked on the phone for 2 hours) he said he does want to get married and have children and in the last has been a serial monogamist ...

  10. #18
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    Of course he's going to say that..it sounds great to someone like you. Meanwhile he's banging some woman and telling you he's not sure.

    I wouldn't be thinking he's someone to be counting on.

    No doubt he will play around until he's old and no one wants him anymore, then magically he'll settle down. But he's no where close to that now.

  11. #19
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Talk is cheap and so are vague generalizations.
    Originally Posted by kathy82
    Weird because during our conversations (one night we talked on the phone for 2 hours) he said he does want to get married and have children

  12. #20
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    Originally Posted by kathy82
    So do you think this was an issue of timing or just not that into me?
    Its not timing - he wants something different than you do.
    He wants to be uncommitted and wants to date multiple women.
    Bad timing would be is if his job was relocating him in 2 months, he just found out today a parent died, or if he was too fresh out of a breakup.
    When a guy is ready to settle down, he looks for a wife, he doesn't pick one of the 6 women he is dating (because who wants to settle down with a woman who is content multidating and the qualities he chooses for someone to go out with every now and again is different than a life partner).

    Oh - he was into you - he made out with you and was hot for your bod --- but he was also being honest.

    Honestly, it really gets me how women really want an honest man and then when they are honest they try to either not believe them or try to change themselves to stay in the mix. DOn't be that desparate.

    There is a great guy out there who dates one woman at a time -- asks one out, goes out for as many dates necessary to see if she is tossed back in the sea or she's a keeper, or a guy whose idea of multidating is going out for coffee and having great conversations with women to see who clicks -- and maybe pair off with one that strikes his fancy.

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