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Thread: My boyfriend went for a drink with a different girl

  1. #1

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    My boyfriend went for a drink with a different girl

    Me and my boyfriend have been dating for 1 year 4 months, argued over petty things but never anything major. Recent week he has suddenly changed, been very low and concerned about our future as I will potentially want marriage and kids and he isnít fussed- these things arenít my priority. Anyway, in the same week he has met up with a girl (who he has never mentioned, never messaged before, never had on social media and never met up with before) out of the blue to ďtalkĒ about something. I feel like heís hiding something big from me thatís suddenly happened and I donít want to accuse him of cheating without significant evidence as itíll ruin it more. Iím very stuck, do I trust him and let him get along and us have a little space & time for ourselves or do I question him? As I saw the message on his phone, I was breaking the boundaries! Help!!!
    Iím very confused and have exams happening etc and I donít want to get the complete wrong end of everything, if heís feeling low I want to help but what do I do about this girl?

  2. #2
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    Since you have exams, what you do now is focus on that and give yourself and him space.

    After your exams are done, then I suggest that you spend some time thinking if this is really the right relationship and the right guy for you. You say you want marriage and a family and he isn't into that. That right there is a problem that should give you pause and make you rethink wasting any more of your life on this this guy. If your life goals aren't matching, you need to part ways and find a guy who wants what you want out of life. You are still in college, so best time of your life to be meeting people and dating.

    If he is starting to stray, then I'd say give him all the rope in the world and let him hang himself. Better yet, just dump him for reasons above and spare yourself a whole lot of trouble and heartache. Your relationship doesn't sound very happy to begin with. In your shoes, I'd just put all this on ice until after your exams. Focus on what's actually important in your life right now and that's getting the grades and keeping your personal success and future on track.

  3. #3

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    Thank you, that was helpful. We are usually very happy, itís just suddenly changed which is why i think something has happened that heís too afraid to tell me, especially as heís going to see this random girl.
    I am trying to focus on exams but Iím struggling a lot to get it off my mind. We have both spoken about 1 hour ago and decided to think about it for a little, have space this week and then come back together to speak again.
    This girl is just bothering me though!!

  4. #4
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by hamilton20
    Thank you, that was helpful. We are usually very happy, itís just suddenly changed which is why i think something has happened that heís too afraid to tell me, especially as heís going to see this random girl.
    I am trying to focus on exams but Iím struggling a lot to get it off my mind. We have both spoken about 1 hour ago and decided to think about it for a little, have space this week and then come back together to speak again.
    This girl is just bothering me though!!
    It's not the girl though and not about the girl. It's your bf and the fact that you have incompatibilities and differing life goals. Don't deflect the important issues on the girl. She is truly the least of your problems here. I know easier said than done, but focus or do your best anyway.

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  6. #5

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    I guess so, just concerns me something else is underlying this. Iím obviously only 20 and I want a big career & ive told him marriage and children are not a main concern for me, Iíve just been brought up for it to be ďnormalĒ but I would rather have a stable income and career. He is just all over the place with worries that he isnít good enough for me it seems. Iím very scared.

  7. #6
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    The world is your oyster right now. You're in college, way too young to be planning decades of commitment to a guy probably just perfecting his beer-pong techniques.

    I don't see him as in the same one-on-one relationship zone that you are in.

    He's not evil, but he is not committed to you. If you value that? Well...

    If I were you I would tap the brakes on this dating relationship and finish school.

  8. #7

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    Thank you as well.
    I donít think heís as committed to me as I am to him, heís my first proper boyfriend and Iím his second GF , he was broken hearted before and I think heís scared to fully commit thinking Iíll be the same.
    I donít want to suddenly finish it, I want to properly sit and talk and try and get my point across as we are both young!!

  9. #8
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by hamilton20
    Thank you as well.
    I donít think heís as committed to me as I am to him, heís my first proper boyfriend and Iím his second GF , he was broken hearted before and I think heís scared to fully commit thinking Iíll be the same.
    I donít want to suddenly finish it, I want to properly sit and talk and try and get my point across as we are both young!!
    That's kind of the point though. You guys are too young to be serious and you both actually need to see more of life, dating, different people before you have enough experience to say that this person is the right one for you. Your first is just your beginning really. On top of that at only 20, in the next 5 years you are going to grow and change a whole lot as a person. I mean a lot. What you like today, you won't like down the road. What you think you want today, you will end up wanting different things tomorrow. This is really your time to explore yourself and come into being your own person. It's a fun time, but it's also a time filled with change. Your bf is actually going through that and you are seeing it. No 20 year old guy knows what and who he wants no matter what he claims today. Tomorrow it will be different. It's just a stage of life and doesn't make anyone a bad person.

  10. #9
    Gold Member smackie9's Avatar
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    Setting all this serious talk aside, you need to confront him about this mystery girl, and how you find it inappropriate to be sneaking behind your back about it or not giving you full truth. Then have a talk about your relationship, and see if you both want to fold up your tents and move on.

  11. #10

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    Agree and I will when I see him this weekend, calmly. Itís weird because they have never had contact before, donít have each other on any social media & have no mutual friends between them! But the messages looks like heís wanting to say he has feelings, which is bizarre to me as heís not like that at all. Hopefully I have got the wrong idea completely, just very mysterious to me.
    I will then after, speak about our relationship.

    Thank you!

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