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Thread: My boyfriend went for a drink with a different girl

  1. #11

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    Thanks again. I will speak to him about it and say something similar to what you said, I donít actually want to lose him as he helped me through my depression, panic attacks etc and has done so much for me making me a better person too and we have so much fun and laughter, but if this carries on how it is now for a while, itís probably not right

  2. #12
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    You admit you went through his phone. What prompted you to do so? I am gathering you were worried he's been hiding things from you for a little while. How have things been going between you two?

    How do you know they've never met up before? Clearly, they know each other from somewhere, somehow. They might not be on each other's social media, but it's not as though a stranger messaged him out of the blue and wanted to meet.

    If he's started mentioning how different your future goals are, I would assume he is in fact reassessing the relationship. Whether or not this girl has anything to do with it remains to be seen. When you speak to him, focus on what you do know, which is that he has been voicing concerns about your respective long-term goals.

  3. #13
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    Going for drinks with a girl behind my back is grounds for an immediate breakup. I don't mind my bf hanging with a girl, but it's the secretive behaviour that is not okay.

    Talking about it won't change the fact that he's not committed and that he cheated.

  4. #14
    Gold Member Gary Snyder's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Honeycomb8
    . I don't mind my bf hanging with a girl, but it's the secretive behaviour that is not okay.
    - Bingo. The first thing a good man does is introduce his lady friends to his girlfriend (after six months).

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  6. #15

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    Thanks everyone.
    Things have been going amazing to be honest, it was just the sudden change of behaviour that prompts me to check- but obviously I canít tell him this!
    I donít mind him hanging out with girls, but I think individually drinking and secretly is weird and heís genuinely never done this before. I think they used to work together about 3 years ago, but nothing since then! Heís always been open and invited me out with his friends etc!
    I donít want to accuse him of cheating if I donít have proof, but I feel like he has feelings for someone else suddenly and canít cope.

  7. #16
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    He has cheated though.

  8. #17

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    Originally Posted by Honeycomb8
    He has cheated though.
    Would you class it as cheating? Iím unsure, Iíve never been in this situation before so I donít know what to say! It feels like he has if Iím honest.

  9. #18
    Gold Member thisisrichey's Avatar
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    wait.. is HE concerned about your future and kids. or are YOU concerned about your future and kids? this was confusing in your original post.
    as for other observations:
    1. never snoop! nothign will break up a relationship more than snooping and distrust! (just think if he did that to you!)
    2. focus on your exams... obviously. your career and work most likely will outlast any relationship or marriage so take care of that FIRST!
    3. let it play out. talking to him only makes him "behave" for a while and you never get your TRUE answer. letting htem do as they wish on their own accord without them thinking you are monitoring them will get you your answer FASTER!

    and ultimately that is the #1 thing you want to know - WHAT'S going on. so let him SHOW you wha'ts going on by letting him be.

  10. #19

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    Originally Posted by thisisrichey
    wait.. is HE concerned about your future and kids. or are YOU concerned about your future and kids? this was confusing in your original post.
    as for other observations:
    1. never snoop! nothign will break up a relationship more than snooping and distrust! (just think if he did that to you!)
    2. focus on your exams... obviously. your career and work most likely will outlast any relationship or marriage so take care of that FIRST!
    3. let it play out. talking to him only makes him "behave" for a while and you never get your TRUE answer. letting htem do as they wish on their own accord without them thinking you are monitoring them will get you your answer FASTER!

    and ultimately that is the #1 thing you want to know - WHAT'S going on. so let him SHOW you wha'ts going on by letting him be.
    Hey, thanks. I know I shouldnít snoop but something didnít feel right and I felt like I was correct. Heís concerned about future etc because I mentioned I want kids and marriage and heís not that into it, but Itís not my priority for the future!

  11. #20
    Gold Member thisisrichey's Avatar
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    snooping.. is NEVER correct.
    snooping is NOT NECESSARY to find out the truth if you truly pay attention to things.
    so dont' do it again.. it's a no-no.

    so you are confusing me again about the kids/future thing. you say he's concerned about it, b/c you said you want it - but it's not your priority. WHAT?
    in the end.. it sounds like it IS your priority cuz you need it (at some point)... and he's saying he DOESN'T want it.

    So there is a conflict there. How are you going to reconcile that? He doesn't want kids. You do. Are you willing to change? Or are you expecting HIM to change?

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