Im Trying To figure Out Where My Relationshipa Go Wrong ?

* so I'm 25 Usually date Older Men , like mid 30s. I realize , (which was hard to do) That maybe I'm the problem. None of my Serious Relationships work. They start off great though.

*I don't start any of my relationships , it's usually the man who talks to me first and takes the lead because Im shy but more because I'm never looking for a relationship or anything when they happen .

*Im Very attractive keep myself up , loving, caring . Im not perfect but I do think as a girlfriend I'm awesome . I cook clean and love to have fun in or out the house. Just don't get why my relationships dont last.

*They usually end with the guy seeing someone else and they never last in that relationship . I no I'm scarred and sometimes insecure as others would say. I'm never insecure unless they have given me a reason and then I kind of pull away and become a little uptight. (Going through phones, asking questions ) but I feel why do guys do things like , maybe I caught him texting an ex or maybe he didn't come home one night and didn't have a good reason. Things that just come off odd.

*I always end up getting the blame even when I know there in the wrong .

Is it me and if so what can I do to change the outcome of my relationships ? Is every man a cheater or is it just the men that choose to be with me . I never force a relationship. And I do give them a break and don't call or text and they run back to me and then it's the same cylce until we end it for good pretty much. I just need advice on relationships and what makes a man fall in love.

* I don't understand anything about men they are weird and to me they are never satisfied . And I have been left for some of the ugliest creatures under the sea. I'm not judgemental I love women and try to uplift but in all honesty that's just the truth . HELP 😵

What you need to understand is that healthy relationships are a tripod - they require intellectual connection, emotional connection, sexual connection. If one of these is missing, the relationship will collapse.

You are fixated on only one aspect of this - physical/sexual connection. I say this because you are pointing out how attractive you are and how they will cheat on you with ugly women. So you are missing the other two aspects of relationships completely. Also, sexual chemistry doesn't have as much to do with looks as you think.

If you are always dating men who are way older than you, that's another problem. Most people stick more closely to their own age group because of that intellectual connection. It's about having things in common, common life experience, same life stage, life goals, etc. When you have a big age difference, finding commonalities is much more challenging. Besides that, you are likely dating shallow men who are more interested in you as a trophy conquest than a real partner. So, it's not that all men are cheaters, it's that you are actively choosing men who are likely to be so.

Finally, stop being a wallflower in your own life. If you sit around just wait on older men to chase you like crazy, that's not the makings of a good relationship. That's just you acting like a conquest and once they have you, they lose interest and go off chasing after the next conquest. So, stop that. Start sorting out who you are and what kind of a man and relationship you actually want and go get it. Real life healthy relationship have nothing to do with fairy tale notions of a guy slaying dragons to get to his princess.

What do I do. I'm scared of rejection honestly. I know every man won't like me but I'm terrified of being turned down so I usually go with who chooses me which I thought was what a women is supposed to do not chase a man. Let them come to me. I'm not very flirty I don't have cool pickup lines. I don't know what men like or what really attracts a man. I usually just be myself and attract guys always somewhat older but I never tried to get a guy I want and the one time I did I failed and I just stopped trying and let them come to me. ?

It sounds like you end up with whoever comes after you. Yet, you need to set some standards and boundaries. Some guys chase after much younger girls because they are more tolerant of their immaturity and their bs. It sounds like you attract such guys. If you stop being tolerant of bad behaviour, you will stop being targeted or at least, you will be able to get rid of such men much sooner. If you feel that a guy has targeted you because you are younger, then you need to treat that as a red flag. Trust your gut. If it feels like someone is trying to take advantage of you or is mistreating you, you need to walk away as soon as possible, not stay on and take it. There are ways to meet men without chasing them e.g. volunteering in organizations where there are men and women or taking up a hobby where you are likely to interact with men. That way you get to meet men without chasing them and you may end up clicking with someone YOU like.

Guys aren't some alien creatures. They are just as human as you. So maybe stop dating and make some friends instead and learn that guys are just human and learn how to relate to people. If you can't be friends and connect with people on that level, you can't have healthy relationships either. Good advice above on joining some groups, volunteering, etc. Seek out things you like to do and you'll meet like minded people which will help you connect.

Where do you tend to me these guys, OP? It could be that while you possess lovely qualities, your picker is broken.

And no, not all men are cheaters. Not at all.

What do I do. I'm scared of rejection honestly. I know every man won't like me but I'm terrified of being turned down so I usually go with who chooses me which I thought was what a women is supposed to do not chase a man. Let them come to me. I'm not very flirty I don't have cool pickup lines. I don't know what men like or what really attracts a man. I usually just be myself and attract guys always somewhat older but I never tried to get a guy I want and the one time I did I failed and I just stopped trying and let them come to me. ?

It's one thing not to chase a man, it's a totally other thing to let the man do all the work in pursuing the relationship. You come across as needy and insecure and as someone that falls into relationships with the first man to show an ounce of interest in her. This might be kinda cute in the beginning but will get tiresome after awhile.

BTW rejection is a part of life when it comes to dating... we all have to deal with it... yes it hurts but you can mitigate that by investing your time in things that increase your self-worth and self-esteem, like being active, eating well, getting lots of sleep, doing fun activities and hobbies, getting emotional support... things that will make you more choosy when it comes to getting into a relationship.

I'm going to be honest with you...men find someone else because A) they look at you as temporary because of your age, and B) you are boring. Men, tho they love to be nurtured with cooking/cleaning, they also like spicy/sassy/sexy, unpredictability/ adventurous. Oh and have a lot in common interest wise, and intellectually.

Thanks I need this reality Check I don't want the same out come

Ok nice thanks

I just don't know how to show that I like some one I guess dating is hard for me I am shy

Through work and mutual friends most of the time

If I'm not fun how do I work on being more fun and laid back I admit I am a serious person all the time. How do I loosen up.

If I'm not fun how do I work on being more fun and laid back I admit I am a serious person all the time. How do I loosen up.

You take a step back and recognize your reality. You’re full blown pregnant with a baby you have another child neither child has a father figure. This is your focus right now, not men, I think it’s safe to say, you look at men as coping mechanisms, to give you purpose, to define you. The issues you have right now aren’t going to be fixed by ‘loosening up’ they will be fixed by getting your sh*t together, getting on your feet and gaining the confidence that you need to be the type of mother these kids need. Then you can start to think about dating. Right now dating and your interactions with men is literally the least of your problems.

Your last two relationships were with men who are either in prison or just got out, correct?

You are saying the only men who pursue you are criminals? And you somehow feel obligated to get into relationships with them?

Im not looking to jump into a relationship that's not the point here. I still want to work on being a better person so that in the future my relationships may work. Im already on my feet Im not doing bad in life. My first born is great and does have a father figure . My relationship skills never interfere with my parenting skills my daughter has only ever met one man other than her father.

No my last relationship was with some one who has been to prison. I don't define people by there mistakes for i have been in jail before myself and will not be referred to as a criminal .

These men have criminal/prison histories. You too have been to jail etc. This is a very unstable and toxic environment to bring up children (imo). Instead of worrying about finding a new man/relationship, it would be far better and wiser to look into professional counselling/therapy to help you figure out why you are drawn to such dysfunctional relationships, and also start focusing on your children, instead of men and relationships.

My focus is always my children . So anything else you would like to comment on . I'm trying to work on myself . Being a mother is the only thing im good at .and once again I'm not looking for a relationship I'm looking for advice . I haven't been to jail since having kids . But I'm just speaking in general I have been to jail and that doesn't label someone a criminal. This is an advice column not a judgemental column . Not once have you answered the question giving . Judge your own life I'm sure its not perfect. If you can't answer the forum and not tell me other things you b nothing about. Now If I made a post saying I'm not a good mother your response would maybe fit but not the case .

You keep saying that you are shy. OK, that's fine. Most people actually are. The way you overcome that is by getting out and getting involved in group activities, community, volunteering, finding some hobbies, a mommy club, church, whatever floats your boat. The point being that you get out and interact with people and learn how to because it's a learned skill. You just work on it like you would work on anything else. Like forget dating, put it completely out of your mind and work on developing friendships. Master that and you'll find that flirting and the next step so to speak comes to you more naturally.

If you are seeking better relationship choices, then you also need to make a list for yourself of deal breakers and yes, you need to have them and no, you can't just be totally cool with whatever past someone has no matter your own history. You need to move forward and that means raising your standards by a lot and sticking to them rigidly until you get your feet under you. A good way to think about it is don't chase unicorns. If the guy has been to prison, he is not dating material for you. Period. Sure there is a small chance that he is a perfectly good person now, but a more likely probability is that he is a problem person that you need to stay away from. Especially since you have a history of poor judgment about these things. So you stop the cycle by acknowledging that harsh reality to yourself and then following some strict standards you don't bend on. Once you have a very firm grip on what's what and your judgment is properly calibrated, then you can start making exceptions if you feel like it. Just not any time soon.