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Thread: Im Trying To figure Out Where My Relationshipa Go Wrong ?

  1. #1

    Im Trying To figure Out Where My Relationshipa Go Wrong ?

    * so I'm 25 Usually date Older Men , like mid 30s. I realize , (which was hard to do) That maybe I'm the problem. None of my Serious Relationships work. They start off great though.

    *I don't start any of my relationships , it's usually the man who talks to me first and takes the lead because Im shy but more because I'm never looking for a relationship or anything when they happen .

    *Im Very attractive keep myself up , loving, caring . Im not perfect but I do think as a girlfriend I'm awesome . I cook clean and love to have fun in or out the house. Just don't get why my relationships dont last.

    *They usually end with the guy seeing someone else and they never last in that relationship . I no I'm scarred and sometimes insecure as others would say. I'm never insecure unless they have given me a reason and then I kind of pull away and become a little uptight. (Going through phones, asking questions ) but I feel why do guys do things like , maybe I caught him texting an ex or maybe he didn't come home one night and didn't have a good reason. Things that just come off odd.

    *I always end up getting the blame even when I know there in the wrong .
    Is it me and if so what can I do to change the outcome of my relationships ? Is every man a cheater or is it just the men that choose to be with me . I never force a relationship. And I do give them a break and don't call or text and they run back to me and then it's the same cylce until we end it for good pretty much. I just need advice on relationships and what makes a man fall in love.

    * I don't understand anything about men they are weird and to me they are never satisfied . And I have been left for some of the ugliest creatures under the sea. I'm not judgemental I love women and try to uplift but in all honesty that's just the truth . HELP 😵

  2. #2
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    What you need to understand is that healthy relationships are a tripod - they require intellectual connection, emotional connection, sexual connection. If one of these is missing, the relationship will collapse.

    You are fixated on only one aspect of this - physical/sexual connection. I say this because you are pointing out how attractive you are and how they will cheat on you with ugly women. So you are missing the other two aspects of relationships completely. Also, sexual chemistry doesn't have as much to do with looks as you think.

    If you are always dating men who are way older than you, that's another problem. Most people stick more closely to their own age group because of that intellectual connection. It's about having things in common, common life experience, same life stage, life goals, etc. When you have a big age difference, finding commonalities is much more challenging. Besides that, you are likely dating shallow men who are more interested in you as a trophy conquest than a real partner. So, it's not that all men are cheaters, it's that you are actively choosing men who are likely to be so.

    Finally, stop being a wallflower in your own life. If you sit around just wait on older men to chase you like crazy, that's not the makings of a good relationship. That's just you acting like a conquest and once they have you, they lose interest and go off chasing after the next conquest. So, stop that. Start sorting out who you are and what kind of a man and relationship you actually want and go get it. Real life healthy relationship have nothing to do with fairy tale notions of a guy slaying dragons to get to his princess.

  3. #3
    What do I do. I'm scared of rejection honestly. I know every man won't like me but I'm terrified of being turned down so I usually go with who chooses me which I thought was what a women is supposed to do not chase a man. Let them come to me. I'm not very flirty I don't have cool pickup lines. I don't know what men like or what really attracts a man. I usually just be myself and attract guys always somewhat older but I never tried to get a guy I want and the one time I did I failed and I just stopped trying and let them come to me. ?

  4. #4
    Platinum Member Clio's Avatar
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    It sounds like you end up with whoever comes after you. Yet, you need to set some standards and boundaries. Some guys chase after much younger girls because they are more tolerant of their immaturity and their bs. It sounds like you attract such guys. If you stop being tolerant of bad behaviour, you will stop being targeted or at least, you will be able to get rid of such men much sooner. If you feel that a guy has targeted you because you are younger, then you need to treat that as a red flag. Trust your gut. If it feels like someone is trying to take advantage of you or is mistreating you, you need to walk away as soon as possible, not stay on and take it. There are ways to meet men without chasing them e.g. volunteering in organizations where there are men and women or taking up a hobby where you are likely to interact with men. That way you get to meet men without chasing them and you may end up clicking with someone YOU like.
    Last edited by Clio; 02-18-2019 at 01:56 PM.

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    Guys aren't some alien creatures. They are just as human as you. So maybe stop dating and make some friends instead and learn that guys are just human and learn how to relate to people. If you can't be friends and connect with people on that level, you can't have healthy relationships either. Good advice above on joining some groups, volunteering, etc. Seek out things you like to do and you'll meet like minded people which will help you connect.

  7. #6
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    Where do you tend to me these guys, OP? It could be that while you possess lovely qualities, your picker is broken.

    And no, not all men are cheaters. Not at all.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member maew's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Newhere2019
    What do I do. I'm scared of rejection honestly. I know every man won't like me but I'm terrified of being turned down so I usually go with who chooses me which I thought was what a women is supposed to do not chase a man. Let them come to me. I'm not very flirty I don't have cool pickup lines. I don't know what men like or what really attracts a man. I usually just be myself and attract guys always somewhat older but I never tried to get a guy I want and the one time I did I failed and I just stopped trying and let them come to me. ?
    It's one thing not to chase a man, it's a totally other thing to let the man do all the work in pursuing the relationship. You come across as needy and insecure and as someone that falls into relationships with the first man to show an ounce of interest in her. This might be kinda cute in the beginning but will get tiresome after awhile.

    BTW rejection is a part of life when it comes to dating... we all have to deal with it... yes it hurts but you can mitigate that by investing your time in things that increase your self-worth and self-esteem, like being active, eating well, getting lots of sleep, doing fun activities and hobbies, getting emotional support... things that will make you more choosy when it comes to getting into a relationship.

  9. #8
    Gold Member smackie9's Avatar
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    I'm going to be honest with you...men find someone else because A) they look at you as temporary because of your age, and B) you are boring. Men, tho they love to be nurtured with cooking/cleaning, they also like spicy/sassy/sexy, unpredictability/ adventurous. Oh and have a lot in common interest wise, and intellectually.

  10. #9
    Thanks I need this reality Check I don't want the same out come

  11. #10
    Ok nice thanks

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