My Ex left me for His Ex Wife

hello I'm new here this is a lengthy post from start to finish I need advice badly . So I started dating my ex in September of 2017 . Everything was perfect honestly , he was divorced for a year and a half . His wife had left him for his cheating I guess I don't know now everything has been a lie. But I'm guessing he was cheating and they just weren't getting along. She had him locked up and restraining order on him and then she decided to divorce. So fast forward to us. So we hit it off well we met at a job he persude me as I was single and standoffish as usual. We dated and there were no problems. He got sentenced to prison 3 months into out relationship , for 6months. So us being fresh I waited but I also had a little fling , which I feel like any one would but dealing with someone who I now no would lie and never tell me. When he asked I was honest and told him the truth and he decided to stay with me he said he's glad I was honest and that he could deal with it. So as our relationship is gets more serious here comes ex wife poking her head in calling for unnecessary reasons always using "the kids " as an excuse to be a bitter .

I mean u left this man so why you all in the way. So anyways me and her exchanged some not so friendly words as she brings up my daughter who's father is in prison calling my daughter a fatherless child so of course out of anger I washed back n said F ur kids which r also my boyfriends kids. Well , he was pissed but as a human he understood it was only in the heat of the moment I really didn't feel like that. She never lets him get the kids even before this incident BECAUSE she didn't want to coparent .she just never like me from jump and we never met in person or had a conversation before that day anyways. So anyways . Me n him are having the time of our life the closer we get the more jelous she would get if you asked me telling people he's not doing for his kids which I can say she never let him. So rewind to may that's where. He got out. Again perfect relationship discussing marriage. Well he gets back locked up in August. He had a warrant so when he was causing commotion amd flat all four of my tires because I was sleep and someone text me on Facebook and said hey literally I did you not . And then he also had a incident where he texted his ex wife trying to piss me off I guess n it worked so I broke up with him . And that same night I ended up in jail. So when he goes he calls n apologize says he was sorry n made a stupid mistake. Ok so 3days into his jail time I miss my period which he already kind of figured I was pregnant. So he gets moved and we don't talk for about a week during his transfer .

Then I get a text from ex wife . Telling me he got moved which I text back thanks but I already no . Then she text back saying she can't wait to see her hubby and her kids can't wait to see there daddy. And my heart shattered from there. So of course we had words and I confronted him about asap. He said he would check her and he doesn't know why she would say that . So when she starts throwing shots I tell her I'm pregnant. So she calls n tells me how she doesn't want him he did her bad for years and she just dnt want him . Ok last I heard from her since he only did 3 months this time and only had a month left at this point . So I could tell things were changing he was hardly calling which is unusual because he usually calls all day everyday . But yet Everytime we talk he has talked to her but lies n says he just talks to the kids which u have to had talked to her to get to the kids . So he ask me did I or why did I tell her I was pregnant and im thinking why does it matter and once again he trys and put his kids in it oh she might stop letting me talk to my kids ugh. Tired of hearing this at this point . Anyways he did tell me to get a abortion but later apologized. Which I didnt have the money anyways. N that hurt like hell because he purposely got me pregnant. And was happy. But now looking back I'm guessing they were talking about getting together behind my back so he was probably having mixed emotions. But one thing I can say is I told him before if he wanted her to be with her I wasn't stopping him because I understood . But he said no they had to many things to work out if he were to go back. So now he gets out Dec 17 2018. And we're still together he gets home we make love then he starts nit picking of that's how u spell it . Saying he can't find his belt which I didn't know where it was either. He says a man I had a over stole it like are u Serious the he accuses me of cheating and getting fd up off drugs n alcohol AND IM PREGNANT. So then heres Christmas day and he calls his ex wife in front of me and tells her to come get him she refuses and he's telling me he wants to pop up on his kids on Christmas. So okay fine we have a heated argument and I just let him go. Because he's now in tears saying he misses his kids smh .so he leaves and stops answring the phone the minute he's gone. He left with a friend tho. Before leaving he said he loved me and that he was going to see his kids open there present and then come back and spend the day with me and my daughter which he calls his own . He kisses my stomach and tells me he'll be back for us. And he never came back. He lied. He got there n IGNORE my calls and text and then starts making fake pages on Facebook acting like random men that wanted to date me which I knew was him so I played along and even told him to stop playing on the phone . But he said I cheated on him and his ex wife went for this i know now he was just looking for an excuse to give her to why he didn't want me . But he was calling everyday all day before this and just trying to find ways to say I cheated which I never did . So I called him and text him no answer and then I called one last time and the ex wife answred and said they were trying to sleep and began rubbing it in my face that she had had sex with him I was hurt didn't know what to do .she was on his Facebook account messaging me and throwing it all in my face. And then when I finally blocked him and started my journey to move on he pops back up. And I gave in. So I told her that he had stole her car and came to see me . She didn't care because long as he wasn't with me she was happy.

Well here I am 7months and he has totally cut me off and there acting like one big happy family and he only cut me off because I wasn't going to be a secret and let him go back and forth. He has now started saying our on isn't his and that our son will never know what it's like to have a father and that he a bastard .me n her had words he's lieed and said I cheated so I don't know who the dad is and she believes him and she's just throwing everything up in my face he now won't talk to me calls me fat ugly and a crackhead. Ive never smoked crack a day in my life and he knows that. So idk. He alwyas used to call me beautiful and I've never been fat but I've gained wait being pregnant and he's just been insulting me even to say I wish I was his ex wife which I don't and I only text him about the baby he doesn't care and says he'll never be there . I really would not of cared if they got back together it's just how he did it to lie and make me look like this disgusting person I what hurts me. I'm just lost and hurt. He changed up on me something serious after begging to be with me and saying he's so in love . He eevn has her believing Every little thing he has lied about and she said she won't let him be in the child's life and he told me it was up to her. I just need some advice on how to cope with this I'm embarrassed because I've met alot of the family and I'm sure there bad mouthing the same lies to them. I'm so hurtbl

All you can do is get support from your friends and family and when the child is born file for child support. You need to delete and block him and all his people from all your social media and messaging apps.

-His wife had left him for his cheating

-She had him locked up and restraining order on him and then she decided to divorce.

-He got sentenced to prison 3 months into out relationship

-ex wife poking her head in calling for unnecessary reasons always using "the kids "

-my daughter who's father is in prison

-he texted his ex wife trying to piss me off. And that same night I ended up in jail.

-3days into his jail time I miss my period which he already kind of figured I was pregnant.

- he did tell me to get a abortion but I didnt have the money anyways. he purposely got me pregnant.

-he accuses me of cheating and getting fd up off drugs n alcohol AND IM PREGNANT.

-he pops back up.

-I am 7months and he has totally cut me off

- she's just throwing everything up in my face he now won't talk to me calls me fat ugly and a crackhead.

-I only text him about the baby he doesn't care and says he'll never be there.

Please use the edit feature and break up this block-wall of text into smaller pieces of paragraphs. I'm not even going to attempt to read it. You'll get more responses if the text is easily read.

You're acting like this guy is some kind of prize. Warrants? Arrests, jail time, restraining orders?

Does he have a job to support all these children?

Hopefully you have a good job to support your kids. Focus on providing for them instead of worrying about chasing loser men.

Thanks for your honesty i know he's not I guess I need to grow up. I'm 25 and hes 38 and ex wife is 36 I feel like I was more mature than them both . -i know he's no prize I don't want him relationship wise , I just want him to be there for our son. And he's refusing to show up for The testing .I don't know where he lives so how will they find him

Ok will thanks first time posting just learning how to use it all sorry . 😵

Thank u so much for your response. I already have blocked him and her on everything.

Sorry to hear this. What testing? He doesn't have to be involved. All you can do is file for child support. It's best you stay away from and protect yourself and you child from someone with his rap sheet. The courts will find him for child support. However You should worry about supporting yourself nd your child. Do you live at home?

I just want him to be there for our son. And he's refusing to show up for The testing .I don't know where he lives so how will they find him

Thanks for your honesty i know he's not I guess I need to grow up. I'm 25 and hes 38 and ex wife is 36 I feel like I was more mature than them both . -i know he's no prize I don't want him relationship wise , I just want him to be there for our son. And he's refusing to show up for The testing .I don't know where he lives so how will they find him

I'm sorry but you got involved with someone who sounds pathological. You actually don't want your son exposed to that kind of crazy, emotionally abusive, manipulative individual, you want to shield your son from him at all costs. Also, you need to spend some serious sorting out why/how you got caught up in this kind of a mess so that you don't ever find yourself with another man like that. Get centered yourself and focus on raising your children. If you ever do get involved with a guy, then be sure he is a good man and will be a good example for your children and vet him thoroughly. Most importantly make certain that you do the work necessary on yourself that you can actually differentiate between good and psycho, aka wolf in sheep's clothing.

Sorry to hear this. What testing? He doesn't have to be involved. All you can do is file for child support. It's best you stay away from and protect yourself and you child from someone with his rap sheet. The courts will find him for child support. However You should worry about supporting yourself nd your child. Do you live at home?

I’m assuming DNA to establish paternity.

If a man contests paternity you have to prove it before child support can be ordered.

True it's really sad to know someone of that age is still immature name calling lieing and manipulating . Definitely focusing on me and self discipline. Honestly I don't know. He worked paid our bills. He was very clingy never let me do things alone . I don't know . Actually seemed perfect.

I'm sorry but you got involved with someone who sounds pathological. You actually don't want your son exposed to that kind of crazy, emotionally abusive, manipulative individual, you want to shield your son from him at all costs. Also, you need to spend some serious sorting out why/how you got caught up in this kind of a mess so that you don't ever find yourself with another man like that. Get centered yourself and focus on raising your children. If you ever do get involved with a guy, then be sure he is a good man and will be a good example for your children and vet him thoroughly. Most importantly make certain that you do the work necessary on yourself that you can actually differentiate between good and psycho, aka wolf in sheep's clothing.

This is excellent advice OPer.

Right now, block, delete, focus on your babies and being healthy for them.

Try your hardest, I know easier said than done, to take emotions out, he said he’s not going to be in your child’s life and since you’re pregnant don’t attempt to get him to come to you because of a baby that’s not born yet, at best you can get him to show up for a paternity test but other than that it’s emotions right now, you’re indignation is because he is choosing her over you, and trust me they see it that way too.

you probably went along with the pregnancy because you thought it would win him. Unfortunately you had a front row seat to how he treats his kids, he can’t even stay out of prison enough to properly care for them. If you think having a child with him will get him you are in for a rough time. Please start the process of recognizing children don’t keep deadbeats, watch Maury or Paternity Court or any of those other shows, having a child does not keep a man. If you learn nothing else learn that and do not allow yourself to allow a man to ‘get you pregnant’ as you can see you are the one with the responsibility for the next 18 years. Get on birth control while you sort yourself out. Post here stay close to friends and family stay single and work on your self esteem. You deserve better than this.

Child support DNA testing also before you can do child support. I have a four year old we live alone in a nice apartment. I just relocated because I don't want him popping up on me again .

True it's really sad to know someone of that age is still immature name calling lieing and manipulating . Definitely focusing on me and self discipline. Honestly I don't know. He worked paid our bills. He was very clingy never let me do things alone . I don't know . Actually seemed perfect.

that’s actually unhealthy habits and you’re drawn to them. You were me when I was younger. I has no examples of a healthy relationship so I thought controlling behaviors meant love.

It doesn’t.

Right which he says he's going to run from the DNA test and keep saying he's moving to another state I know all his information except for address . But I'm still worried since he always runs from court of any kind

Yes anytime I left home with out him he says I cheated . Very stressful . Couldn't hang out with friends. Never could have contact with any other male . But if it were the other way around it would be okay.

If the man you believe is the father denies that he is the father, a genetic test can be ordered after your baby is born. (Some labs will only perform genetic tests after a child is six months of age or older). Genetic tests can be scheduled through the local child support agency.

Child support DNA testing also before you can do child support.

I honestly didn't do it to keep him. Because we were already together. I know I deserve better. Even when I had contacted him strictly about our son he turns it to me wanting him like he feels he's that guy or something. He would call when she's not around and say he loves me he even said that she was giving him 5,000 dollars and when she did he was leaving her. Which I didn't give a damn but just listened to his bullcrap. I never want to be with such a loser. He had nothing to show for his existance for 38yrs . Nothing. It's just crazy that he ran back to her and she buys him clothes shoes and treats him like a kid.

Yes but if he doesn't come then what ?

You are worrying about all the wrong things. AFTER the child is born you go to court and they handle it. Stop harassing him. You need to take care of your child and your pregnancy,. Stop contacting him over nonsense. He doesn't want to be involved and he doesn't have to be. The courts handle obtaining child support for your child.

Yes but if he doesn't come then what ?

You are worrying about all the wrong things. AFTER the child is born you go to court and they handle it. Stop harassing him. You need to take care of your child and your pregnancy,. Stop contacting him over nonsense. He doesn't want to be involved and he doesn't have to be. The courts handle obtaining child support for your child.

So I'm wrong for trying to see if he's going to do the paternity test. Ok I understand but this is when it was all happening I haven't contacted him since the rudeness and since he told me he wouldn't be there. He got rude when I asked him and he would also tell me one thing when she not around and then change up when she was around. I heard her say he would never be there and he said nothing I just hung up. Last time I talked to him. He won't stand up for himself she's so happy that he won't be there for our kid it's sick

He did you a favor by leaving. I would get my own life straightened out so you are not going after jailbirds whose exes get restraining orders against them

Girl, I am so sorry for all that you're going through. I used to be with a person who was into very shady things, prison, drugs and gangs.

The day I decided to leave him was the best day of my life. Being able to wake up in the morning and not have to worry that your child will see something he shouldn't, or that police would be knocking on your door, it's amazing to live free and let your children be free of that crap.

Please, take care of yourself first and your child. Sorry I don't have much to offer for advice -Wiseman took care of all that. The only other thing I can say is that we're rooting for you. I wish you the best.

Yes but if he doesn't come then what ?

Ive had friends deal with this.

The court will order him to take paternity to establish child support.

If he chooses to not show up despite 'expert' opinions, you are going to be in for a fight.

Its not nearly as easy as some are making it out to be, hes a convict in and out of prison and I'm assuming has a varied work history, getting him to pay child support is going to be a hard uphill battle. Get everything ready now. It took an entire year for my child support to be set up and my ex has had the same job for over a decade and wasn't hiding from them, its a long process. Theres court hearings, establishing custody arraingments, waiting periods for things to be set up.

Take things one day at a time, youre emotional and pregnant and you feel humiliated by these people. You have to out yourself first right now, youre in survival mode, you will be ok, one day at a time, block him, do not let him back in, allow him in his childs life if he chooses to man up other than that, do whats best fir your baby.

I guess it will be a waste of time then.