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Thread: Long distance woes

  1. #1

    Long distance woes

    So me and my boyfriend are together since over a year and in long distance since 3 months. And it has been rough.It feels sometimes as f he doesn't care about me. Like sometimes he would be online on instagram but wouldn't pick up my calls or reply to the texts.When I asked him about it he said I that it is his space. Last night after he went to sleep I texted him saying that I was feeling down and sad and that I feel like crying.He hasn't replied since he woke up and it's been 8 hours now. I have also called him twice in the morning after the text but he didn't pick up but he was active on instagram twice since then. I feel like I should end it but I am not very sure.
    He was the sweetest boyfriend before the distance happened and even when we met two weeks before. But the time between when he left and our meeting two weeks ago was also rough. We also can't meet anytime soon. The next time I see him will probably be at least 5 months from now.
    Should I end it? I still love him but this isn't the first time it has happened.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
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    Is it possible that you don't have much of a life besides your bf and are texting or calling too much? First look at your own behavior, and make sure you are a well rounded person who spends time with hobbies/interests of your own, spending time with girlfriends and family, and you're working at making a good career for yourself if you're not already set up that way.

    If your life besides him is great and you don't feel like you're overdoing it with texts and calls, then realize he isn't making the same effort as you, so do you really want to be with someone where you have to make most of the efforts? Guys sometimes start ignoring you hoping you will fade away or get tired of his lack of effort and break up with him so he doesn't have to deal with the drama from a woman if he did the deed.

    LDRs are tough. When a guy is worth waiting for, it's one thing, but I'd rather be dating locally and having fun with a guy who is crazy about me versus spending nights alone waiting for a call that never comes.

  3. #3
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    Originally Posted by Andrina
    Is it possible that you don't have much of a life besides your bf and are texting or calling too much? First look at your own behavior, and make sure you are a well rounded person who spends time with hobbies/interests of your own, spending time with girlfriends and family, and you're working at making a good career for yourself if you're not already set up that way.
    I was wondering this, too.

    It could be that he feels you're too needy, OP, and he's trying to create space. This isn't a healthy dynamic anyway, but it could also be that he is losing interest - particularly since you won't see him any time soon.

    How old are you both, and why did he move away?

  4. #4
    Gold Member SGH's Avatar
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    I get that when you're in an LDR it feels like all you have is the texts and calls to stay connected, but this constant monitoring of his online presence and subsequent negative reactions is likely driving him away. You can't always expect an immediate response and if you're trying to carry on text conversation all day it gets tiring. I work and go to school and if a partner expected me to constantly be at the ready and attacked me when I didn't respond, I would lose interest in the relationship.

    This being said, 8 hours is a long stretch to not receive a response. Your behavior of constant texts and calls and anger when he does not meet your expectations may have been going on for too long already. Don't be surprised if a break up is on the horizon. It may be for the best anyway. Not everyone is suited for an LDR.

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    OP, nobody wants to deal with drama. When you send messages like you are sad, down, feel like crying....honestly, you will send people running from you. It's not that you can't share with your partner when you are down, but it better be for good reason. Like you are sad because your grandma is in the hospital. If you are just whining and crying on the phone how you miss him, yeah he will get sick of it. He can't fix this or change the current circumstances, however, he can end things with you and go have fun wherever he is without having to deal with drama. I would bet good money that if you were actually fun and sent something to him along the lines of "I went out with some friends today and this hilarious thing happened." he'd be picking up the phone and calling you to find out and laugh with you. Again, nobody wants to deal with downers.

  7. #6
    I am 24. he is a year older. He moved away for a job.
    I do have a well balanced life but try to talk to him for at least 10 mins a day. I don't text at all about useless topics, just the customary goodnight, I don't blow up his phone unless it's an emergency and call him once a day for 15 or so minutes.

  8. #7
    I am 24. he is a year older. He moved away for a job.
    I do have a well balanced life but try to talk to him for at least 10 mins a day. I don't text at all about useless topics, just the customary goodnight, I don't blow up his phone unless it's an emergency and call him once a day for 15 or so minutes.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member IAmFCA's Avatar
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    Long distance doesn't work for you.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member IAmFCA's Avatar
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    Maybe I can be more helpful.

    If you want it to work for you, you will need to become self sufficient, redefine the terms of your other relationships so that your friends and family become more intimate sources of support for you, and let your bf go live his own life. In 5 months you have a weekend visit or whatever that is, and then return to your separate lives.

    That isn't what you want, so set yourself free from this situation. No blame to him or to you. It just isn't what you want. That's enough reason to let it go.


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