How do you deal with dificult friends without feeling guilty?

So, as per my previous thread. I have basically cut someone out, limited contact and stopped talking about my life or theirs with them.

Its difficult and seems mean (as it is with these types of things) but it seemed necessary as behaviour was getting over the top.

So my question is, when you feel you have to do these things, how do you handle it without guilt?

Therapy may help with people pleasing tenancies and guilt problems.

when you feel you have to do these things, how do you handle it without guilt?

You realize that person wasn't a good friend to begin with, so it was in your best interest to let that friendship go.

I personally believe that what you did isn't mean. Taking advantage of someone's kindness that is mean.

I recently cut off a 30 year friendship.

She said to another friend that she realizes that she must have hurt my feelings with some of the mean things she would say. In actuality, my feelings were never hurt; it's that I realized that a true friend simply doesn't say or do mean things to a friend. Period. So, I came to the realization that she just isn't my friend, and hasn't been, for years. This has allowed me to move on without guilt or remorse.

Once you realize that this person isn't really your friend, but simply someone who uses you for rides, it will be a lot easier to deal with.

So we feel what we feel and we choose the reaction but when you have those guilty feelings allow them to coexist and come up with a mantra that puts the feeling in its place -you can't "not feel" it but it can go off the radar if you refuse to give it validity with your thoughts or actions. I feel guilty when I'm impatient with my son but instead of focusing on "guilt" I figure out what I would do differently next time. In your case, you wouldn't.

Example -I have a new friend going through a lot of drama -health and financial issues ,etc. But she is a new friend. I like her and maybe we will get closer but she's not one of my closest friends. So when she messaged me with a bad health diagnosis today at 5 as I was finally leaving my office exhausted after a long day at work and really hungry, I waited till I got to the train station - 10 minute walk -to respond (rather than texting her from outside) and I showed support but I didn't offer to call her,etc (she did not ask and likely would not have asked since her son was about to come home). I chose self-care. She is not in pain right now, I texted with her to show support, her husband will be home soon, etc. I did feel a little guilty and at the same time I could barely see straight, stressed and drained and I knew I needed to get home and eat some dinner before I could support her more. It's the whole "put on your oxygen mask first before helping others" - recognize that self-care is more than ok and in your case you chose self-care over acceding to her outrageous demands.

I like to consider guilt to be my own button that I either set 'out there' for someone else to press with manipulation, or not.

You either believe that you somehow 'owe' an obligation to play the role of a taxi service for an otherwise able bodied adult who refuses to drive, or you know better and can embrace your choice to liberate yourself from any such implication that you 'should' adopt that role.

Consider what 'shoulding' all over anyone, including yourself, buys you. Then make a better decision.

Head high, and recognize guilt is a decision. Choose wisely.

Good advice y'all. Love the wisdom on this forum :)