Jump to content

Sex so soon???


Viceroy

Recommended Posts

I am a guy, 24 and I am dating a girl who is 18. I've been pretty reserved about issues relating to sex, we've been on two dates and she's so open about sexual preferences, things she wants to do etc.... I am actually kinda scared that maybe she has aids and I could get burned by her? I am a being unreasonable, do people these days have sex so soon? If someone really likes you that much do they want to get to that straight away?

 

I haven't dated anyone in 3 years, I have only been in one relationship. I guess I am just shocked and somewhat scared about the whole thing. I do like her, she's a nice girl who works full time and goes to school. Thoughts???

Link to comment

You don't state how long you've been dating, so what do you mean by "so soon"?

 

As for getting AIDS, that's quite a longshot, given it's hard to catch it in the first place, and she'd have to have done quite a bit of very risky types of sexual acts or used IV drugs in a very short period of time given her youthful age. AIDS, by the way, is the least likely disease/infection you'd catch (and the correct term is HIV, the virus, not AIDS.)

 

But, I tell everyone to have their partners fully tested for all STI's, and to get tested yourself, so you both have a clean bill of health at least (or know what her status is).

Link to comment
You don't state how long you've been dating, so what do you mean by "so soon"?

 

As for getting AIDS, that's quite a longshot, given it's hard to catch it in the first place, and she'd have to have done quite a bit of very risky types of sexual acts or used IV drugs in a very short period of time given her youthful age. AIDS, by the way, is the least likely disease/infection you'd catch (and the correct term is HIV, the virus, not AIDS.)

 

But, I tell everyone to have their partners fully tested for all STI's, and to get tested yourself, so you both have a clean bill of health at least (or know what her status is).

 

 

Sorry, I just used Aids as a blanket statement for my lack of knowledge. I have only been on two dates and she's already wanting to do sexual stuff, which I am scared about because I feel that can't be normal. My last GF it took over a month to even kiss, I am just in shock.

 

From my talking to her , she seems like a smart individual, she works full time and goes to school to study nursing.

Link to comment

STD's are a real worry, yes. You need to be careful and to make sure you know this person before you share bodily fluids.

 

Do people sleep together right away? Some do, but they are looking for flings or one nighters and you need to ask yourself how many others before you they jumped into bed with that fast.

 

If you want something serious and an actual romance, you need to take your time, get to know this person. Make sure they are worth it and are who they say they are.

That could take many dates.

Even then, always always use a condom no matter what.

Link to comment

That's what I was thinking too. Someone who wants to jump in bed that fast has to have an agenda. I'll tell her I am sorry but I would like to get to know you a little bit more before we do anything like that. I know I am clean and I don't want to insult her but I do want to take precautions. This is serrious stuff, STD's can severely impact one's life.

Link to comment

STD's are serious and I am just putting it out there but I don't find it attractive when someone wants to get into bed that quickly.

 

I like getting to know someone, I like romance. Holding hands and flirting last such a short while, I like that phase of things.

If someone wants sex asap without barely dating..I find it a complete turn off and it does make me wonder who else they moved this fast with.

 

It also makes me think that someone who moves that fast has a better chance at getting an STD. Mainly because they're okay with sharing bodily fluids with virtual strangers.

 

But that's my opinion.

Link to comment

Normal is a setting on the dryer, not a way to define someone's sexual preferences. Your preferences are no more or less "normal" than hers. What I do think is that it's important to be on the same page and date someone with similar preferences because it makes things easier in the long run.

 

It's fantastic that you want to be respectful and that you have clear boundaries... observe what she does when you set them with her and that will tell you a lot about whether or not you will be compatible.

Link to comment

It sounds like you two have different values and preferences when it comes to sex. I agree with maew's comment about "normal" not being an appropriate term here. This girl views sex differently than you and that makes you uncomfortable. Imo, that's an indication that you two are not compatible in that respect and that you will end up making each other miserable if you were to proceed with this. People approach sex differently and that's ok. Judging people because they view sex differently to you is not ok. Each person has the right to have sex as soon or as belatedly as they feel comfortable.

 

Regarding STDs you may wish to educate yourself further. You are right that one needs to be careful. One can be monogamous and still get one e.g. herpes or hpv even when they use condoms, if their partner had been exposed sometime in their past. Not all people know that they have been exposed and people can carry std viruses unknowingly, because they have had no symptoms. The only 100% reliable way of prevention is total abstinence. When you engage in sexual activity you do start to play with chance. A monogamous relationship where protection is used correctly and consistently has a lower chance to result in an std than multiple one night stands but there is always some percent of risk unless both people were total virgins.

 

This girl may have practiced safe sex all her life and be ok (or not) but it sounds like she views sex less conservatively/ emotionally than you. Imo, that's a sign of incompatibility. In time you may grow to view sex less emotionally/conservatively yourself but at this stage it sounds like you two are on different pages regarding this matter. Judging her is not ok. However, opting to move on and seek someone you feel more comfortable/in tune with is perfectly acceptable. Staying on and coming back here a year later to complain about her sexual past would be super lame.

 

P.S. If you have had sexual activity with a non virgin and you haven't had the corresponding vaccine, there is a chance that you unknowingly carry some hpv strain and there is no way to test that in men. I mention this not to scare you but a) because imo it's not always valid to rely blindly on tests regarding who is safe and who is not b) some people pass judgment when in reality certain STDs can happen regardless of "promiscuity" or lack of, and they may well be unknowingly carriers themselves.

Link to comment
I am actually kinda scared that maybe she has aids and I could get burned by her?

 

Do you really think that she has AIDS and it is her evil plan to infect you?

 

 

I am a being unreasonable, do people these days have sex so soon?

 

There is no such thing as "too soon", the important thing is to be on the same page about it and you two are clearly not.

 

 

That's what I was thinking too. Someone who wants to jump in bed that fast has to have an agenda.

 

She is horny, her agenda is getting laid. You are waaay overthinking this.

Link to comment

How is this so shocking to you? Do you live under a rock?? And the AIDS thing, really?? People barely even get AIDS these days and HIV is very controllable with medication. I think you need a sex ed class

 

Sex has risks involved, if you're not willing to take that risk, you shouldn't have sex.

Link to comment
How is this so shocking to you? Do you live under a rock?? And the AIDS thing, really?? People barely even get AIDS these days and HIV is very controllable with medication. I think you need a sex ed class

 

Your post just proves how our society nowadays is so used to wham, bam, thank you mam, that no one can see that sex in less than 2 dates can be in fact, shocking.

 

It IS far too fast, generally speaking. It doesn't make a whole lot of sense and throws romance completely out the window.

 

There is such a thing as getting to know someone, taking things slow, enjoying the romance before it turns sexual.

Sex does not need to be something that is used and given so easily.

 

It makes me shake my head on what people have gotten used to.

 

STD's are very real, it needn't be AIDS but there are many STD's out there. In UK there are strains of STDs that are becoming more difficult to treat.

There is throat cancer that is connected to HPV that is obtained through oral sex and possibly other ways (kissing) that have yet to be proven 100%. But it is still something that people should be aware of and be cautious of who you are exchanging bodily fluids with.

 

It's not a game, these threats are very real and sex should be taken more seriously and with far more caution.

Link to comment

There's no "normal" or abnormal here. There's just what you're comfortable with and what you aren't.

 

I'm very uncomfortable with the idea of shaming this girl because she has a more casual approach to sex than you do. Women get this all our lives - if we do it too early we are too fast. Want to wait and she's a prude. She will spend her entire adult life being judged by men for the sexual decisions she makes. Don't be one of them.

 

That said, if you aren't comfortable with having sex this early into the dating process than maybe you just aren't compatible and would be better off finding a girl who is on the same page as you.

 

If you do plan to pursue this then get tested and ask her to do the same. And don't come in with any preconceived ideas about what is or is not normal.

Link to comment
  • 4 weeks later...

Viceroy, I am also 18 years old and some people would say in my short life that I have had many sex partners in 6. I do think if it is a concern for you and STD's are a huge concern that it is your right to ask her to get tested before engaging in any sexual manner. You have to be perfectly comfortable before becoming intimate. If she gets angry and refuses than she is not the right person for you. I know if a guy asked me I would look at it as a positive thing as they are concerned with their well being and our future. I hope this helps a bit.

Link to comment

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...