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What to do?


nononsense

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I and my boyfriend were discussing how we should have sex. He asked me to go up till the blowjob. I was so into him and I said okay. I was thinking that I would be able to do it. But when the time came for giving a blowjob, I couldn't. I just couldn't. And obviously I didn't do it. I told him at that time that I won't be able to do it. He felt really bad and he is behaving very rudely with me since then. He has stopped talking to me. He keeps commenting on me now and then. He keeps whining that I took advantage of him. I said "ok let's do it and this time I will make sure I give you the blowjob". He rejected it completely and said "you will never ever be able to do it".

 

What am I to do.? I know it is my fault. But it has been weeks since he has spoken to me properly.

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As someone who just left an extremely emotionally abusive relationship, you should walk away from this whole and while you can before it escalates. What I wish I knew 6 months ago? That pressure is a form of abuse as well. The idea that someone isn't doing what you want and making them feel poorly about it? Abuse.

 

What you do with your body is your business. You don't owe him sex and if you decide to change your mind last minute, he needs to respect that (no protest, no attitude, no weird vibes.. Nothing) A real man who loves you and respects you will respect that.

 

Consent can be retracted and once its retracted sex should INSTANTLY be off of the table for the time being and there should be NO cold shoulder behavior being thrown at the person who retracted consent.

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Did he do anything for you or did he just assume he would lie back and let you do all the work?

 

Regardless OP, if you are NOT ready you don't have to do anything. If you don't want to do it, you shouldn't either. He is being a baby, and pressuring you, rchubn is right, this is abusive as well, he is controlling your consent. How old are you and how old is he?

 

Never allow someone to pressure you into sex, of any kind. It is your body, your choice, he has no right to decide when and how you wish to have sex. Don't offer him anything, if he was a good guy he'd wait, he'd understand and not pressure you just because he wants you to do it.

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Thank you all. It makes me feel like I haven't done him wrong.

 

Of course you haven't. Never feel guilty for having boundaries and not feeling ready. We all have our own pace and our own desires, you have the complete right to decide what happens to your body and when, with whom, etc. He might want it but pressuring you only proves he is not being loving at all.

 

Never let anyone guilt trip you into intimacy you are not ready for.

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Thank you all. It makes me feel like I haven't done him wrong.

 

You haven't done him wrong, no. However are you going to stay with someone who makes you feel bad for not "servicing" him? If he knows you're a virgin then he should learn to be kind and patient and if he can't be then you are with the wrong guy, luv.

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I’m confused.

 

“Go up until the blowjob”

 

What does that mean?

 

I agree do not let someone pressure you to do something sexually you aren’t comfortable with but if ‘go up’ means he pleasures you and then when it was your turn you chickened out I can kinda see why he would be upset.

 

Doesn’t justify him acting the way he is though.

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Yes. It was my fault. I was ready to make up for it but he wasn't willing.

 

No it wasn't your "fault". Do not fall into the trap of letting some guy manipulate you into doing something you aren't ready to do. If you don't want to and he can't handle it then he isn't the one for you.

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How old is he? He sounds like a jerk. Stop talking to him. Delete and block him form all messaging apps and social media. Nice boys do nor demand sex acts or play with your emotions. Read up on teen dating abuse. Read up on red flags for controlling relationships. Talk to a trusted adult about what is happening and get some tips on healthy relationships

I told him at that time that I won't be able to do it. He felt really bad and he is behaving very rudely with me since then. He has stopped talking to me.
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How old is he? He sounds like a jerk. Stop talking to him. Delete and block him form all messaging apps and social media. Nice boys do nor demand sex acts or play with your emotions. Read up on teen dating abuse. Read up on red flags for controlling relationships. Talk to a trusted adult about what is happening and get some tips on healthy relationships

 

I love how Wiseman just puts it right out there! :-) Yes, what a total f*ckwit. Don’t pursue this, I beg of you. That was just a glimpse of what it will be like to date him. Take the hint and move on before you get more attached to this jerk.

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