Ex continues to screw me over

So me and my ex gf where on a phone plan together. She’d pay her half and I’d pay mine. Never had a problem until she left me for another guy. I didn’t have credit at the time so o was on her plan. She also took out a 2,500$ loan to help me pay for school since I didn’t have credit a year and a half ago. Which I pay every month and only owe 1,000$ which I could easily pay off right now but was afraid she’d screw me over. Which she did yesterday.

Anyway i chose a thousand dollar phone that I’d pay monthly with Verizon which is in her name. In January I sent her the money to pay it off so I could further cut ties with her and so I could transfer it to my own account and keep the same number. Gave her the rest of the 466$ I had left owed via Wells Fargo wire transfer. I was 4 weeks into no contact at the time so I sent a message with the transfer saying “pay off phone”.

Me and her agreed that I’d pay off the loans and phone and she’d honor her word to turn the phone off. She earlier screwed me over by using the car title she had of mine as leverage so I’d send the stuff she left at my house even tho I had no problem in giving her stuff back. Anyways she never sent me the title.

After waiting two weeks for the phone to be turned off I realized she wasn’t going to do it and went out and purchased a new phone and plan.

Yesterday I checked my emails and received one from Verizon stating that the phone of mine in her name was reported stolen/lost. So she took the 466$ and didn’t pay it off. Plus the other 536$ I had already paid on the phone. The funny thing is the fact I received an email in the first place. She had to of had sent to me on purpose so I’d see whaat she did.

The phone is pretty much worthless now. I don’t understand why she’s doing this stuff. I haven’t spoken to her in 2 months. She’s trying to make things as difficult as possible. 3 years I spent with her and she’s making sure any good o seen in her is destroyed.

I have decided not the pay the rest of the loan off. It’s nof me to do that but im tired of being screwed over. I guess the fact I begged her back made her not respect me. Plus her new bf is probably telling her to do it.

Smh

I thought about calling her but I’d know I’d get pissed. Plus I’m 2 months no contact. She’d probably like it if I did. She’d get a rise.

I didn't see a question but that sucks dude. You knew she was not a standup person when she left you for someone else. Assume she means you harm and cut any and all financial ties without her being a part of the decision at all. At this point, she's clearly just taking what she can get.

So if I understand correctly, the Verizon account is all in her name?

If that's true, then she can do whatever the heck she wants to do, as it won't reflect on your credit. If she doesn't pay Verizon, it will only affect her credit, not yours.

Good for you for opening a new phone account in your name. And good for you for keeping your word to her and paying off your debt to her.

Keep copies of all of your wire transfer receipts, forever. Yes, forever. If this ever ends up in small claims court, you will need these receipts.

As to why she's being a jerk about this? Because she's a jerk, period. You don't need her in your life.

For future situations, I'm sure you don't need to be told this, but best to keep your finances to yourself. Co-mingling finances can be difficult even in long-term marriages, let alone short-term (yes, a few years is "short-term") relationships.

OK I hope this is a lesson learned..keep everything separate, like loans, phone packages, credit cards, bank accounts, and leases. Never ever have your name attached to something they have access to. Don't share plans because it might save a few buck, because in the end it will bite you in the ass. You are not married so don't act like you are. Relationships are rarely forever so keep that in mind to make sure you can have a clean break when you breakup.

Wait wait wait hold on guys before you harp on her in his anger he conveniently left out the fact that he used to abuse her. I don’t know call me crazy I just don’t think it makes a person bad to treat an abusive ex like sh*t. Whether you like it or not you have it coming.

Also HUGE point you’re alao flossing over none of this is in your name so it affects you in no way shape or form, you paid your debts to her so you washed your hands of the situation, what she does after that...

I always say the person you marry and the person you divorce are not the same person. The person you dated and the person who broke up with you are not the same person and she will not treat you with kindness because well to be blunt she doesn’t want you back.

If it makes you feel any better most people who divorce ( you weren’t married but you did combine money/credit) end up taking a hit credit wise. It’s super common. My ex reopened a charge account that was in both our names bought ah*t and didn’t pay it and let a car in both our names get repossed and charged off. That’s a hit to my credit for the next 6 years and I worked tirelessly to have perfect credit before all this so not trying to be dismissive but keep things in perspective, could be worse.

Build your credit up, you don’t seem to have an issue getting a phone now... bad idea to combine finances with anyone you aren’t tied to ie narriage.

She's not a jerk. By your own admission in your first post, you abused her.

You keep trying to rewrite history ("She left me for another guy!!!") but she left you because she couldn't take the abuse you dished out any longer.

It bothers me that you are now trying to pretend the abuse didn't happen. That just proves you haven't taken responsibility for abusing her but instead are trying to play the victim.

As for the phone, if it's in her name then she really hurt herself, not you.

Time to let this go.

Thanks guys.

OK, I didn't read the history. So it appears that she's not being a "jerk", but quite honestly, she's probably still pissed off/hurting over the emotional abuse/"gaslighting" (word that you used in your post that you did to her), etc.

That kind of emotional abuse is torturous, and can stay with someone for many years. She is likely still thinking of things in the relationship, things from maybe even years ago, and going.....aha! I knew I wasn't crazy. That was him abusing/gaslighting me.

It appears that you've recognized this, so that's great.

But WRT to this particular post today, about the phone, the wire transfer, the debts.....yep, she's likely saying "you know what? I get to hold some power here for once".

As we've all said, this is not in your name, so just move along.

And if you haven't already, find a therapist who can help you figure out why you did this in that relationship, and can help you block that pattern for the future.

You saying "I know I abused her, but why is she being so MEAN???!!!" shows you really don't get it.

She is right to not want to "work things out" with the guy who abused her.

Please just walk away. For good.

OK, I didn't read the history. So it appears that she's not being a "jerk", but quite honestly, she's probably still pissed off/hurting over the emotional abuse/"gaslighting" (word that you used in your post that you did to her), etc.

 

That kind of emotional abuse is torturous, and can stay with someone for many years. She is likely still thinking of things in the relationship, things from maybe even years ago, and going.....aha! I knew I wasn't crazy. That was him abusing/gaslighting me.

 

It appears that you've recognized this, so that's great.

 

But WRT to this particular post today, about the phone, the wire transfer, the debts.....yep, she's likely saying "you know what? I get to hold some power here for once".

 

As we've all said, this is not in your name, so just move along.

 

And if you haven't already, find a therapist who can help you figure out why you did this in that relationship, and can help you block that pattern for the future.

I have came to terms with it. I know what I want in a relationship and I can’t wait for the day. I’ll be a very good man to her whenever it does.

I’m focusing more on myself because that’s what I’m unhappy with. I just hate how things are playing out.

You saying "I know I abused her, but why is she being so MEAN???!!!" shows you really don't get it.

 

She is right to not want to "work things out" with the guy who abused her.

 

Please just walk away. For good.

I have walked away. I’m not gonna contact her ever. Is all that stuff really warrant all this? I’m not some crazy person who can’t see the toxicity of what’s happened.

It’s sucks because I cared so much. That being said I know it was the right thing. Now I just want to move on clean like I thought she had.

My problem is I respect myself. I won’t be screwed over by anyone. I didn’t want to not pay this loan off. But she’s made hard for me to.

How is it hard for you if shes chosen to keep an account in her name open?

You honored your debt. Case closed.

Its you're choice on how you want to interpret this.

It seems by writing the story as something personal directed at you allows you to stay attached.

By choosing not to it helps you move fwd.

It appears she had.

How is it hard for you if shes chosen to keep an account in her name open?

You honored your debt. Case closed.

Its you're choice on how you want to interpret this.

It seems by writing the story as something personal directed at you allows you to stay attached.

By choosing not to it helps you move fwd.

It appears she had.

That really makes sense. The problem is the phone is worthless and I still owe money on the other loan. I wanted to pay it off but now I don’t think I will. I refuse to get screwed like that.

That loan helped me more than you can imagine. I’m able to afford anything I want now and it was because of her help. That why I wanted to pay it off but she has screwed me with the phone. The remaining amount is equal to the amount I’ve paid for the phone which she made worthless.

Wait. There’s something I don’t understand about your logic here...

If you go to a phone carrier and buy a phone for $1000... and then you turn around and say it was lost or stolen a number of months later... you don’t stop owing the phone carrier money. You still owe them the $1000. The only thing they will do is let you cancel the contract prematurely (maybe) and render the phone unusable. But they aren’t going to write-off the $1000. That money is still owed to the carrier. So she didn’t “steal” your $400. She paid the carrier.

So - now the phone is paid off but you still owe her $1,000.

If my ex owed me $1,000 and had not paid it in a couple of months post break-up, I would assume that money was gone.

... so she declared your phone lost or stolen.

It’s vindictive, for sure, but now you are even? You are both out $1,000? Her for the money on her credit line. You because you are holding a useless $1,000 phone.

I don’t see how she screwed you over any more than you screwed HER over...

When people say to use “no contact” with an ex - what they mean is “no unnecessary contact”. We still need to be adults. If you have kids, you still need to communicate about the kids. If you have financial obligations, you should still communicate about these obligations. The idea is that it should be brief, infrequent and business-like. Not an excuse to call and harass them all the time.

Given you’ve been MIA for a number of months and you owe her this money, I think her actions have been perfectly reasonable and understandable (ok... and a little vindictive... but you are no angel either).

I don’t think your anger is justified, IMO. Or... there’s something I’m not understanding...

I think what hes saying is although he paid off the phone she reported it stolen so they like blacklisted it so its useless.

Which is indeed frustrating.

BUT given the circumstances, you sending her the money while you say was you paying your debts which good for you, seriously, many dont so good for you, but it seemed like a bad idea, you arent talking to her but you sent her money? Why not just go to verizon and pay off the phone yourself? granted shes the main person on the account were you not associated with the phone in any way shape or form?

If you werent I guess you wouldnt have been able to keep the phone anyway unless you stayed on her plan and therefore attached to her.

While petty, she did you a huge favor cutting ties.

Wait. There’s something I don’t understand about your logic here...

 

If you go to a phone carrier and buy a phone for $1000... and then you turn around and say it was lost or stolen a number of months later... you don’t stop owing the phone carrier money. You still owe them the $1000. The only thing they will do is let you cancel the contract prematurely (maybe) and render the phone unusable. But they aren’t going to write-off the $1000. That money is still owed to the carrier. So she didn’t “steal” your $400. She paid the carrier.

 

So - now the phone is paid off but you still owe her $1,000.

 

If my ex owed me $1,000 and had not paid it in a couple of months post break-up, I would assume that money was gone.

 

... so she declared your phone lost or stolen.

 

It’s vindictive, for sure, but now you are even? You are both out $1,000? Her for the money on her credit line. You because you are holding a useless $1,000 phone.

 

I don’t see how she screwed you over any more than you screwed HER over...

 

When people say to use “no contact” with an ex - what they mean is “no unnecessary contact”. We still need to be adults. If you have kids, you still need to communicate about the kids. If you have financial obligations, you should still communicate about these obligations. The idea is that it should be brief, infrequent and business-like. Not an excuse to call and harass them all the time.

 

Given you’ve been MIA for a number of months and you owe her this money, I think her actions have been perfectly reasonable and understandable (ok... and a little vindictive... but you are no angel either).

 

I don’t think your anger is justified, IMO. Or... there’s something I’m not understanding...

Ok she contacted the carrier prior to me going no contact. She told me what she needed to pay the phone off and the certain amount.

She said it would be shut off and I could keep my number and get my on plan or choose to pay it every month with no problem. The last time we spoke she screwed me over by not giving me my car title which was more important than the phone and which helped me go into no contact. I could tell she no longer had any positive feeling for me as well.

2 weeks later I sent her the money to pay the phone off. I was still emotionally in a wreck then so I didn’t contact her. At that time I owed 466$ on the phone and had 11 months left on the phone plan. So i did what she said and paid the amount by wiring her the money which I know she got.

We also agreed I’d pay the line of credit loan every month on the 28th. I think she knew she had complete control over me at that time as well. My plan was to pay another month or two until she would finally pay the phone off. When I say we agreed, I mean I agreed to whatever she wanted.

I gave her the money 5 weeks ago. And only yesterday she decided to declare the phone lost or stolen. Which makes the phone worthless which means I’m out 1000$.

Idc if there was a dollar left on it I still couldn’t use the phone if she reported stolen. idc if she paid the other 500$ to Verizon that money came out of my pocket. She could’ve contacted me but she chose to do that.

I told her I would never screw her over by not paying these loans. Because they helped me so much. The fact that she decided to basically take my money and do this is a no go for me. I won’t let someone do me wrong like this even if I get where she is coming from.

She knows I’m very serious with my money and that it’s very important to me. When she didn’t give me my car title I had apply for another one which cost me 100$. It came out of the money I was suppose to give her for that month in December. She really really didn’t like that but I wouldn’t let her run over me. Fair..

When it comes to money no matter the amount I don’t play around. When she broke up with me she knew she could’ve got anything she wanted and she did. I begged cried and pleaded. I know I was wrong in the relationship but I regret doing that. I should’ve had some dignity maybe she wouldn’t of done this now.

I’m not screwing her over. She’s screwing me. I’m reacting based on her actions. Don’t get me wrong I still feel guilty not paying that loan off because of how much it has helped me. 1000$ worthless phone still equals the 1000$ I gave her. I will pay the loan off if she’ll fix the phone issue.

I will not contact her. The breakup was hell and I still have emotions involved. I’ve thought about it but I’d rather lose the money than contact her.

I didn’t want her to do this because I knew I wouldn’t stand for it. There’s gotta be a time even if I screwed up during the relationship when I grow some balls. She tore me down to the lowest I’ve ever been. In some ways I’m greatful for it.

Like every one says. Just let it go and move on.

I think what hes saying is although he paid off the phone she reported it stolen so they like blacklisted it so its useless.

 

Which is indeed frustrating.

 

BUT given the circumstances, you sending her the money while you say was you paying your debts which good for you, seriously, many dont so good for you, but it seemed like a bad idea, you arent talking to her but you sent her money? Why not just go to verizon and pay off the phone yourself? granted shes the main person on the account were you not associated with the phone in any way shape or form?

 

If you werent I guess you wouldnt have been able to keep the phone anyway unless you stayed on her plan and therefore attached to her.

 

While petty, she did you a huge favor cutting ties.

I sent the money via Wells Fargo which lets you attach a 16 letter memo or something of which I said “pay the phone off”.

I did go to Verizon. But I didn’t have access to the account. But they did tell me the phone wasn’t paid off. So I bought another 1000$ phone and just got my own plan. (Due to my job I always need a phone and due to no contact I know she wouldn’t tell me if she did ever decide to cut it off).

I did create an account via my phone number so I could access the account to pay if I wanted, but 30 minutes later she must’ve called them and had it terminated she most likely received a text and called them immediately.

At the time she thought I was signing into her Amazon etc accounts and changing stuff. She also thought I was texting her new bf all of which was lies fabricated by her new bf. I think since the no contact was started she thinks I have texted her bf or her via text apps from what her mom told me. Lies lies lies... All of that most likely played a role in this as well.

I just wanted to do the right thing not for her for me. Plus karma is a huge b***h.

It’s kinda funny because she had the email sent to me so I’d know what she did. I don’t understand the logic in it but I get where she’s coming from. If she thinks I’m gonna just let this happen she’s got another thing coming.

I don’t want her credit to be bad. I never wanted her to have a hard life. I know she’s broke she probably needed the money to pay her rent or buy Christmas presents. Idk but that’s not my problem.

I hope she fixes this. If she doesn’t I will not pay the other loan.

 

I did go to Verizon. But I didn’t have access to the account. But they did tell me the phone wasn’t paid off. So I bought another 1000$ phone and just got my own plan. (Due to my job I always need a phone and due to no contact I know she wouldn’t tell me if she did ever decide to cut it off).

 

I did create an account via my phone number so I could access the account to pay if I wanted, but 30 minutes later she must’ve called them and had it terminated she most likely received a text and called them immediately.

So then what I said is correct and she did what was necessary because you would have been under her her account indefinitely, leaving you both attached and therefore not truly NC, you would have always had that 'in' which may actually be whats upsetting you so much deep down..

Idc if there was a dollar left on it I still couldn’t use the phone if she reported stolen. idc if she paid the other 500$ to Verizon that money came out of my pocket. She could’ve contacted me but she chose to do that.

case in point.

It’s kinda funny because she had the email sent to me so I’d know what she did. I don’t understand the logic in it but I get where she’s coming from. If she thinks I’m gonna just let this happen she’s got another thing coming.

Your verbiage is scary, do you see it?

She knows I’m very serious with my money and that it’s very important to me. When she didn’t give me my car title I had apply for another one which cost me 100$. It came out of the money I was suppose to give her for that month in December. She really really didn’t like that but I wouldn’t let her run over me. Fair..

Also sounds like you are acting with the same mentality that you are having to struggle for power with her. Your dynamic is different now. Let it all go, its not worth it to your mental health.

So then what I said is correct and she did what was necessary because you would have been under her her account indefinitely, leaving you both attached and therefore not truly NC, you would have always had that 'in' which may actually be whats upsetting you so much deep down..

 

 

 

case in point.

 

 

 

Your verbiage is scary, do you see it?

 

 

 

Also sounds like you are acting with the same mentality that you are having to struggle for power with her. Your dynamic is different now. Let it all go, its not worth it to your mental health.

I did want off the plan. That was my goal by paying it off. I just simply wanted the phone so I could sell it or use it as a back up phone.

I see it as trying to get a point across. As far as actions associated with it then it means nothing. I could kill for some Chinese food right now. It’s nothing personal to her.

You’re probably right with the power struggle. I feel like I’m reacting until there’s nothing to react to. Even if it was the worst way possible me and her just settled this. Time to move on.

I will stay in no contact forever. I believe she will as well. The good times still get me. Waiting for that to go away.

Without getting into the details of the relationship/break-up, you need to sever ties with your ex. This means resolving any remaining shared accounts or debt, and doing so in a formal manner. Since this is now entering several thousands of dollars and includes an unpaid loan, you should seriously consider involving a third party (either a mediator or attorney). By doing so, you will cut through the animus and ensure a final resolution to this all and both of you can move on.

Are you getting any professional help for your anger issues and abusive behaviour? (If I recall correctly, you said your own family, mother and sister copped a lot of abuse from you as well and that you have deep deep issues). You need to get ALL of these major issues sorted out, even if it takes years, if you ever want to have a decent and healthy, successful relationship.

No contact is going to be the best way for you. Hopefully you learn from all of this and don't carry it forward into the next relationship.

I'm not sure any court would accept "I gave her money to pay off my phone but she reported it stolen and didn't pay it off so I don't have to pay back the money for the loan she took out to help me financially".

Those two transactions were not at all connected, correct?

Until the two of you stop playing these childish "let's see who can say F you the loudest" games you will never move on.

Are you getting any professional help for your anger issues and abusive behaviour? (If I recall correctly, you said your own family, mother and sister copped a lot of abuse from you as well and that you have deep deep issues). You need to get ALL of these major issues sorted out, even if it takes years, if you ever want to have a decent and healthy, successful relationship.

 

No contact is going to be the best way for you. Hopefully you learn from all of this and don't carry it forward into the next relationship.

I have and yes that is true. I understand that.

Back then I saw the way I acted as acceptable and necessary to have a better life for myself and at the same time taking for granted the people like my ex who I loved. Very immature in handling my emotions as well. It’s an ongoing thing to figure it out but I have made gains. Now i must figure out what I’m going to do with my life. It was sorta built on her plans with her.

I still regret it today. I miss her even with this stuff going on. I’ll admit the person she is now is miles from the person I once knew but I miss that person.

I know what to do now to have a healthy relationship. I know it’s the best for me that she left. I relied on her to much. I’m sure she felt it. I wish I could’ve been a positive influence in her life. That’s a thing that I’ll keep with me forever moving on.

I want to be remembered as a good person to the people that come into my life. I know how to achieve that whenever the time comes when I meet someone else if that ever happens.