Uncertain and childish ?

I have a close female friend who's married, we became friends in work about 3 or so years ago and attend Church together, this began after I became a Christian. Anyway most of the time it's fine, she's been a close advisor to me through various relationships and predicaments. I'd do almost anything at anytime as more often than not it's the same in reverse. I always make sure I do things for others close to me whether that's her or other people and this is where the problem has occured. Last year (she follows an old band round with other friends she's in her 50s) she didn't give me my birthday card on or before that day, she wasn't away at the time and only lives a few minutes away and eventually gave it to me a week late and I was really quite offended by that, however petty that may seem. So that was that I fell out a bit about it but things moved on. So every Sunday virtually without fail she'll text and ask if I'm going to Church, if she doesn't I will but it tends to be her. So, last week I gave her a rose (I had a bunch for myself) it was just a little thing a bit of a joke really and on Valentine's I gave her a card (which was actually for someone else). So this morning she doesn't text, Sunday, so I text her early, no response, 2 hours later she says sorry didn't see you message, maybe true but am inclined to think otherwise and says she's already there. I just sometimes wonder why I bother and think about throwing in the towel with her.

Opinions?

Thanks

It sounds more like she keeps things in the 'church acquaintance' area. Don't overdo things or latch on to people who are just once in a while type friends. Try to stay busy with your other friends, family, coworkers, neighbors, etc.

Have varied interests outside of this church as well as having friends from before this church. Join other groups and clubs and activities both church related and in general. Also get on some dating apps (there are plenty of Christian based ones, if that's important now) and start up your own social life.

Don't confide in this friend or depend on this friend this much. How did you come about joining this church? Was this friend involved in your becoming a Christian?

attend Church together, this began after I became a Christian. So every Sunday virtually without fail she'll text and ask if I'm going to Church, if she doesn't I will but it tends to be her.

Ok... I think it might be time to take a cold, hard, honest look at yourself for a moment...

I can honestly with 100% certainty say that I have never, ever gotten upset or hurt at one of my girl friends handing me a birthday card late - especially not to the point of having a small fallout over it. I have, however, been upset in this way when I had a crush on one of my guy friends and I was looking towards it as a sign that they reciprocated my feelings.

And did she see the bunch of roses that you had where you only gave her one? (Why did you have a bunch of roses anyways?) Or is there a solid reason you didn’t give the Valentine’s Day card to the person you intended to give it to? And does she know that? Because - frankly - it’s kind of inappropriate to give a valentine’s day gift to a married woman. Maybe her husband saw those things and asked that she distance herself from you a little - or she’s doing it on her own and setting appropriate friendship boundaries.

... but even the fact that you want to “throw in the towel” on a friendship because she didn’t text you one Sunday/answered your text late... ok, seriously. You have a crush.

I think you should distance yourself a bit and start focusing on others because your attachment to her is inappropriate. You shouldn’t be crushing on a married woman.

To be honest, both thoughts above crossed my mind.

You might be inappropriately attached to this woman and secondly, it sounds as though she is only wanting an acquaintance type of relationship and/or she is feeling that you are wanting too much and is purposely keeping you at arms length.

Either way, I think you need to ease back and keep it at an acquaintance type of relationship.

Say hello if you see her, but stop having all these expectations. She obviously is not reciprocating or seeing things the same way as you.

She got wierded out by your rose and card gesture. That friendship boat has now sailed.

I'm not going to say you're attached to this woman or it's your fault or something because that's not the case. You obviously have good intent. You put in thought about what would make a friend smile or something like that. Those are all good qualities to have and will make you a great friend but it seems like this woman doesn't want to be a friend or if she does, she wants to be a "sorta friend" where she's friends with you only in certain situations.

You should find some friends that show friendship the same way you do. If you go all out on birthdays or you enjoy nice gestures, find someone who does the same.

I wouldn't say what she's doing is rude but it's clear she doesn't think about nice gestures or appreciates them to the same extent you do and honestly can be a result to poor parenting on her parents end.

You have two options:

1. Find new friends. Join a book club. Small church study group. Yoga...whatever

2. Accept this as a situational friendship and cut down the nice gestures or understand that even if you do nice gestures, she's most likely not going to go the extra mile for you so that's up to you to decide if even trying is worth it. If the small gifts made her happy or made her day, made her feel any gratitude whatsoever, she'd be sending you one. That's just common manners

However, keep in mind that you're both adults. Things happen and sometimes cards get sent late. People work. Mail gets delayed things slip people's minds. It's not like in high school where you have two dates in your head: mid terms and your BFFs bday. Contrary to what everyone else is saying, I don't think it's you but you should still keep that in mind.

As for her being there already? I wouldn't say that's blowing you off or anything and I wouldn't even say that was calculated or some representation of your friendship. It's probably just another adult doing their own thing. Does she have kids and a husband? It can be sort of a long process getting everyone to church on time, it's probably a situation where she didn't even look at her phone.

I think you're overreacting about her giving you a late birthday card... too much drama over this, unless there's something deeper you're not telling.

I also don't understand giving her a valentine card that was to someone else (what?) and a rose since you had several roses yourself (what?). Maybe the fact that she's married and wants a more distant relationship and you acting weird giving valentine cards and roses and being overly upset over minor things (even if you didn't show it she probably felt something wasn't right) weirded her out.

Is this really just a church/work acquaintance or do you have feelings for her? Anyway you seem disproportionally over-attached to her. It might be a symptom that you need to work on certain areas of your life, like meeting more people and getting hobbies you like.

Wait, is the question about you or her?

I think you're overreacting about her giving you a late birthday card... too much drama over this, unless there's something deeper you're not telling.

 

I also don't understand giving her a valentine card that was to someone else (what?) and a rose since you had several roses yourself (what?). Maybe the fact that she's married and wants a more distant relationship and you acting weird giving valentine cards and roses and being overly upset over minor things (even if you didn't show it she probably felt something wasn't right) weirded her out.

Is this really just a church/work acquaintance or do you have feelings for her? Anyway you seem disproportionally over-attached to her. It might be a symptom that you need to work on certain areas of your life, like meeting more people and getting hobbies you like.

I second this entire post. Are you male? Maybe crossing the line giving her Valentines cards and a rose when she's married. If you're female - same thing and she probably got freaked out.