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Thread: Is it ever a good idea to confront the person trying to break up your marriage?

  1. #1

    Is it ever a good idea to confront the person trying to break up your marriage?

    Iím at my wits end. My husband and I have been married for 12 years. It is both our second marriage. Two years ago he started working with a woman. They were just friends for awhile and then she started texting him every once in awhile. At first just innocent stuff. But then she asked him out for coffee. And then she offered to bring him a souvenir from a trip. I told my husband this made me uncomfortable. He told me they are just friends. Sheís married too by the way. Anyway more of this stuff for a few months and then we went to marriage counseling. Even our counselor said my husband should tell her off but he still hasnít. He did admit he likes the attention. With marriage counseling we focused on giving each other more attention. For several months this lady also seemed to have gotten the message and left him alone. I just found out they are texting again. My husband never texts her first but he answers almost right away. I am so upset and I am on the brink of confronting her since my husband obviously will never tell her to leave him alone. But i suppose if I confront her it will make things worse. I donít know though could it work? I really need some advice.

  2. #2
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    He's the one married to you. She's not the problem.

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    Platinum Member Carus's Avatar
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    I'm so sorry for your situation....I have to agree with Honey^^

    C*

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    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    The problem is your husband not her.

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member Clio's Avatar
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    Imo, you are diverting responsibility for the state of your marriage from your husband to her. Yet, he is the one who is the other half of your marriage and is therefore responsible to uphold boundaries. He is the one prioritising this friendship over his marriage. Even if you were to successfully repel this woman, what happens when a next one shows up, and a next one... Will you keep playing the cop? It's your husband who is the key person in all this.

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    Your husband is the problem! Why did his first marriage break up?

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    Really disrespectful to you!

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    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Sorry to hear this. The only people who can "break up a marriage " are the two people in it. That means you and your husband. It's very common when in denial to assume your innocent husband is being involuntarily lured away by some femme fatale. However your husband is the problem. He wants to flirt and text, he likes the attention. He invites it. He's the problem, not her.

    Are you concerned they are having an affair?. Your husband seems quite obstinate that he will keep her in his personal life. You need to take action and that is not contacting her, that is changing your stance. Meaning see an attorney, go to therapy privately and confidentially and decide if you want to be with a passive-aggressive snake who turns you into the jealous controlling wife, who you surely don't want to be.

    The longer you play this cat and mouse game with him and put up with his shenanigans the worse things will become.
    Originally Posted by NoosaLover
    He told me they are just friends. we went to marriage counseling. he likes the attention. I just found out they are texting again. I am on the brink of confronting her since my husband obviously will never tell her to leave him alone.

  10. #9
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    Heís the issue not her. Thereís no need to confront her. If itís not her, it would be someone else.

  11. #10
    Platinum Member lostandhurt's Avatar
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    Don't confront her.

    Get some solid evidence and send it to her husband.

    Then start thinking about more counseling or divorce.

    Your husband is ignoring his vows, your feelings and is disrespecting you and your marriage.

    Some will tell you to not get involved in her marriage by telling her husband. I have no problem diming up on a cheater especially one that could care less about you.

    What is the worse thing that could happen? Divorce? You are halfway there already...

    Lost

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