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Thread: Is it ever a good idea to confront the person trying to break up your marriage?

  1. #21
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    Originally Posted by figureitout23
    Exactly. There are a ton of signs that this friendship is crossing boundaries and letís call a spade a spade any man or woman when their counselor said to help the marriage tell this person to back off and they donít? Red flag. I have extremely close friendships with my coworkers I talk to them outside of work all the time, but if I needed to take a step back to save my marriage Iíd do it.
    Honestly, i would get personal satisfaction from inviting this woman and her husband to dinner - and during the dinner bring it up! Mark your territory and say "hey, i just wanted to invite you out to let you know that Mr. OP has a loving wife and that texting him at all hours and giving him little gifts is something that doesn't belong in our marriage, what about you MR. Floozy's husband? Do you think that's kosher?" Maybe that's not the right move, but i would be eating it up.

  2. #22
    Super Moderator Capricorn3's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by abitbroken
    Honestly, i would get personal satisfaction from inviting this woman and her husband to dinner - and during the dinner bring it up! Mark your territory and say "hey, i just wanted to invite you out to let you know that Mr. OP has a loving wife and that texting him at all hours and giving him little gifts is something that doesn't belong in our marriage, what about you MR. Floozy's husband? Do you think that's kosher?" Maybe that's not the right move, but i would be eating it up.
    This totally made my day, lol.

  3. #23
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    Confronting her would only be a tiny part of trying to save your marriage from infidelity.
    Is is not desirable to do so, but if the occasion accidentally arose you would do it once and only once.

    You would say: "Stay [the eff] away from my husband."
    Remember, only ONCE! Anything more would be viewed as weakness and encourage more infidelity.

    Why? It's not about her!

    If you interested in saving your marriage, secretly read James Dobson's "Love must be Tough" (Never let him see this book and don't confuse Dobson with today's watered-down, hate-laced knockoffs.)


    P.S. Do you think you may be in a rebound, non-marriage?
    Last edited by Lester; 02-18-2019 at 07:27 AM.

  4. #24
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    Speaking as someone who's done that, and gotten the T-Shirt, if you've discussed that his behavior is inappropriate, bad for the marriage, and unacceptable, take screenshots of their conversations, and email them to yourself. Save them in case you need them. Search for any emails, deleted, hidden away for more evidence. And block her number on his phone. Then ask yourself, if this is worst thing about him, can you accept it. And if it boils your blood for more than 3 days, ask him to leave, or make your demands. Don't be afraid to be on your own. What he is doing is SOOOOO Selfish.

    And OP my dear, she is not the 1st.

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  6. #25
    Iím still reading. I donít have anything new to add but still trying to figure it all out. Oh and to the poster who asked my husband and I both lost our first spouses to cancer. We met in a support group.

  7. #26
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    Originally Posted by NoosaLover
    Iím still reading. I donít have anything new to add but still trying to figure it all out. Oh and to the poster who asked my husband and I both lost our first spouses to cancer. We met in a support group.
    that is so sad :( I am sorry for your loss.
    How long between the time you lost your spouses and when you married? how long was it from the time you met/started dating to marriage?
    Did he know this woman while his life was alive?

  8. #27
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by NoosaLover
    Iím still reading. I donít have anything new to add but still trying to figure it all out. Oh and to the poster who asked my husband and I both lost our first spouses to cancer. We met in a support group.
    Ouch....I'm sorry for your loss and at the same time I was afraid it was something like that. Two people clinging to each other over a shared grief, hardship, loss.....fast forward some years down the road, once all that pain is healed and what do you actually have in common with each other? The trouble with getting involved in a romantic relationship when you are down and out and is that two broken halves don't make a whole. You are literally bonding over misery loves company. So I would ask again, when you remove that misery, what kind of a relationship do you have? What's bonding you today? Serious questions to explore.

    As for the other woman, whatever you do, please don't contact her. She knows he is married and she knows what she is doing. To her and women like her, this is a sick ego trip - can she steal a taken man. You approaching her will be seen exactly for what it is - your relationship is weak and your husband isn't willing to up boundaries. All it will do is encourage her to pursue harder. So, instead of focusing on her, focus on your relationship with your husband. What's really there between you and what can be done better?

  9. #28
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    Originally Posted by Gary Snyder
    Go find a man text buddy for yourself and see how he feels - maybe he will see the light when the shoe is on the other foot.
    two wrongs don't make a right

  10. #29
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    a little different spin ..
    What are they texting about? Is it work? I think my husband texts and chats for work stuff all the time. I think there are women involved. Not a big deal.
    The bringing him gifts is odd.
    Is he affectionate with you?
    Is there anything else that indicated that he might be cheating?

  11. #30
    Platinum Member shellyf62's Avatar
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    Listen very carefully to your female intuition.
    My ex had a "friendship" with a female at work.
    I found the chats, how much they loved each other blah blah blah
    She was married as well, and he even invited her & her husband to our house for dinner while they were having an affair.

    I knew something was off, but couldnt put my finger on it.

    If it feels wrong it probably is.

    I wish you luck with this, its a horrible position to be in

  12. 03-06-2019, 03:14 AM
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  13. 03-06-2019, 03:20 AM
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