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why can't dating just be simple?


wercia2072

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Basically I don't know what to do with my life and myself or anything.

 

The father of my child who i was with for 3 years has broken up with me because i was impossible to please but the only recent thing i asked him to do was the laundry as i was already working full time looking after baby and keeping the house work up and cooking. during the relationship i struggled with depression and i always put him first as he would say thing to make me feel bad for trying to get somewhere with my life, it just wasn't a good relationship.

 

now that im a single parent im compleatly lost. im trying to find someone new and i was speaking to one guy and he was absolutely lovely. the nicest guy i have ever spoken to in my entire life but with my ex trying to make my life as hard as possible by not picking baby up or picking him up an hour late and with me having panic attacks and depression i feel like it would be compleatly not fair to drag someone so nice into such a terrible mess. i feel so hopeless and like i always sabotage good things. and partially like eventhough me and my ex aren't together anymore he still somehow manages to control my life.

 

i just dont now where to go next really. i don't know if theres even any point in trying to find someone else if my ex is going to ruin them or me with my depression and panic attacks, because lets face it who would willing want to start a relationship with a single mum who's got depression and has panic attacks?

 

i suppose what im asking for is some guidance in what to do next and how to make my life a little bit better?

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why can't dating just be simple?

 

This may be the simplest question Ive ever answered on this site, dating isnt simple because your life isnt simple.

 

To put it bluntly you have no business dating right now.

 

Not only are you a single mother to a young child, which is where your main focus should be, but by the sounds of it you are still a willing articipant to the shenanigans with your ex.

 

Can you really not figure out why dating would be hard when you haven't even figured out custody arrangements, slow the flip down please.

 

Handle your unfinished business with your ex first, figure out custody and get settled with your child so he/she feels safe and secure, get on your feet both physically and emotionally then date, you will be amazed at how easy it will be to date.

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I agree with the above post. You're right when you say ...."who would willing want to start a relationship with a single mum who's got depression and has panic attacks?". You need to sort out all issues, with your ex, and get help for your depression and panic attacks before looking for a new relationship. You need to be in a much healthier place mentally and right now focus on the well being of your child. As things stand right now, you're definitely not ready for dating (imo).

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I can say that I would absolutely not want to deal with someone with a VERY young child, whose mother is mentally all over the place, and whose ex does nothing but create chaos and drama. You are not in a place to date right now. This breakup sounds relatively new, which is reason number one. Reason number two is you need to work on yourself and your life. You feel out of sorts and have no structure, so of course this compounds your anxiety and depression.

 

I think the first thing you need to do is establish parenting schedules, custody, and child support. As a young, single parent, you may qualify for some benefits to help you out while you seek schooling and/or better employment, including reduced or free legal council around custody and parenting schedules. I think once you have some stability with your child's schedule, it will open up yourself to a better emotional place, and once you're on stable footing, with a reliable father, you can revisit dating.

 

I also think you need to employ people you know and trust as backup plans...for those few times you really HAVE to be out of the house and on your own and the ex fails to show up. Someone who can watch the child because you have to go to a weekend training or overtime....or heck, just some time out with a friend or colleague. You'll be on shaky ground making plans for awhile until your ex steps up to the plate and exhibits some reliability, and I think you need to focus on you and your child and don't maintain your ex as a staple. Establish parenting time first, where this will be established within the courts, a solid schedule, and go from there.

 

Good luck OP. It's not easy being a single mom, but it works, and a routine and stable schedule goes a long way.

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