How honest is your new date?

There is a new show on Netflix called. "Dirty John".

It is based on real life events.

Has anyone seen it yet?

Those who are considering dating and finding someone online or those who rush into relationships, etc, need to watch this show.

There is a new show on Netflix called. "Dirty John".

It is based on real life events.

 

Has anyone seen it yet?

 

Those who are considering dating and finding someone online or those who rush into relationships, etc, need to watch this show.

Sherry!! Yes!

LHGirl referred it to me and I've seen all episodes (Cox On Demand). It originally aired on Bravo.

True story (not far from actual events), and I've watched interviews with the real Debra and her daughters too.

This Dirty John guy was one of the scariest, sociopathic individuals who ever walked the face of the earth, right up there with Ted Bundy, who I watched a documentary about just last nightl

Yes everyone, be careful! On line and off!

How many episodes have you seen SS?

All of them.

I binge watched..lol.

Not gonna lie, it creeped me out. I am so glad I have a husband and am not out there dating..yikes!!

All of them.

 

I binge watched..lol.

 

Not gonna lie, it creeped me out. I am so glad I have a husband and am not out there dating..yikes!!

Well I hear ya about being creeped out!

I had a couple nightmares even, I got really into it, binge watched too.

Scary!!

But it's why we give the same advice that we do, right?

Don't rush into things, don't trust someone without knowing for sure who they are. You can't know them for sure without spending loads of time with them, etc.

I really wished people would listen! It can be so dangerous now a days!

Thanks for the heads up, I'll take a look at the show. Yeah, psychopaths are really bad news, not the kind you want to date.

When dating, you have to use your gut feelings.... if anything seems off in the early stages, you should disappear and cut contact. I'll bet their were warning signs but the women missed it because they were listening to their heart instead of their intuition.

Your head and your heart are liars. only your gut tells the true story.

because they were listening to their heart instead of their intuition

Absolutely. But you know how it can go with new "love" and believing everything is "perfect". People get caught up in it and ignore the red flags.

Unfortunately in this day and age, it can be disastrous.

But it's why we give the same advice that we do, right?

 

Don't rush into things, don't trust someone without knowing for sure who they are. You can't know them for sure without spending loads of time with them, etc.

 

I really wished people would listen! It can be so dangerous now a days!

Agree!

Some men (and women) can be master manipulators; apparently this John guy was, Debra married him after only 8 weeks!

So that's on her; I mean at 59, and four prior marriages, she really should have known better.

But loneliness can be really powerful and when we meet that "one right person" or someone we think is or could be, our common sense seems to fly right out the window.

Her daughter saw it, but Debra didn't, not until she had no choice but to see it.

I'm glad she and her daughters are all okay!

Look suspiciously at "love bombing", someone who launches dozens of bouquets of flowers at you (and/or your kids), bombards you with gifts and compliments and vacations, who is talking marriage and babies on the second date. He's not "so sweet!!!!!", he's trying to lock you down immediately for some certainly unsavory reason.

John was like most sociopaths, charismatic, charming, decent looking, acted like a gentleman.

I think that's what most frightening with these types, you truly cannot tell right away.

Yes, there were some red flags along the way, but even Debbie's mother though he was prince charming.

It really does make me cringe. People need to be careful. Get to know who you are letting into your life and do it thoroughly!

OMG don't get me started on Deb's mom. Lol

During the trial of her daughter's husband, who murdered her, she testified for him!

Telling the court what a loving, caring husband he was.

Lady, he admitted to murdering your daughter! Debra's sister. SMH at that one.

But yeah Sherry, you are so right, he was very good looking, charming and charismatic, posing as a successful doctor, gave her LOTS of attention, it's very easy to be taken in by all that.

I think it premiered yesterday on Netflix here and I've heard a lot about it in this forum so now you reminded me of starting to watch today lol

I had a very abusive relationship many years ago with a guy I met online. He had a double life and many of the things he told me were lies. Like he told me he was in college and even forged "evidence" that he was in college but it was a lie, among other extreme things he's done and lied about. I haven't watched the show yet so maybe my story is different, but I can relate to "not really knowing who you're with". It's very scary and traumatic.

OMG don't get me started on Deb's mom. Lol

I know! There is forgiving, then there is downright delusional! There was something seriously wrong with her!

Agree!

 

Some men (and women) can be master manipulators; apparently this John guy was, Debra married him after only 8 weeks!

 

So that's on her; I mean at 59, and four prior marriages, she really should have known better.

 

But loneliness can be really powerful and when we meet that "one right person" or someone we think is or could be, our common sense seems to fly right out the window.

 

Her daughter saw it, but Debra didn't, not until she had no choice but to see it.

 

I'm glad she and her daughters are all okay!

I'll begin watching today, but if I recall correctly from an article I've read, wasn't this Debra married like 3 or 4 times previously? She seems to have an impulsive pattern when it comes to relationships if that's so.

he told me he was in college and even forged "evidence" that he was in college

:O Wow! That's scary.

:O Wow! That's scary.

Just so that you can have an idea of the extent his deceit went: he created fake social media profiles of people he said were his colleagues and with whom I talked to on social media. He had a college schedule printed in his room, he literally studied in front of me, he told me about his days in college in great detail. There were even times where I picked him up at the college's door. I began to suspect the fact that there were always excuse to why I could never meet his colleagues. Oh, and his parents also thought he was in college and sent him money to pay college and a room. He convinced my mother to borrow him money (that he never paid) for college stuff.

Just thinking about this is scary. I don't like diagnosing people since I'm not a professional, but there was some really dark disorder there. I'd say sociopath or something like that.

After we broke up I got to know he had other schemes going on and kept on scamming and lying to people.

It was all so surreal that even though in my gut I felt something wasn't sitting right I'd tell myself of "no, it can't be... this is not a movie".

It really does make me cringe. People need to be careful. Get to know who you are letting into your life and do it thoroughly!

Absolutely agree.

It brings to mind a former friend of my ex's. They'd known each other since childhood and while said friend was always a little rough around the edges, he was popular and generally well-liked.

Imagine our shock when he was arrested for (and later convicted of) the assault and rape of a random woman in our town while she was out walking her dog one evening. He confessed to it after DNA evidence pointed in his direction. His live-in girlfriend was devastated, and went on record stating she'd had no idea what he'd done.

After serving his time (a few years) he was released into a different community. All of my ex's friends severed ties with him upon his arrest and his parents moved away, so nobody really knew what he was up to after he served his sentence - until one of their friends happened to run into him leaving a subway station of the nearest big city, where he was with a girl we assumed was his new girlfriend. When he saw our mutual friend, he asked the girlfriend to go on ahead to his (presumably) nearby apartment, while he went to speak to the mutual friend out of earshot. Our mutual friend was shocked to see him, but pieced together pretty quickly that the new girlfriend had no clue her new man had actually been behind bars for the last couple years, and she certainly didn't know he is a sexual predator.

None of us had any way of finding out who the new girlfriend was and alerting her to her boyfriend's criminal history. The predator former-friend had no social media, of course, and nobody had any contact information for him or his parents. I have always wondered since then (and this is around 7 or 8 years ago now) if she ever did find out, or what story he might have spun for her to explain where he'd been the previous few years and why. It gives me chills to think about.

Always, always do your research. Ask questions. Be alert to red flags. Don't hesitate to step away if something seems off.

Absolutely agree.

 

It brings to mind a former friend of my ex's. They'd known each other since childhood and while said friend was always a little rough around the edges, he was popular and generally well-liked.

 

Imagine our shock when he was arrested for (and later convicted of) the assault and rape of a random woman in our town while she was out walking her dog one evening. He confessed to it after DNA evidence pointed in his direction. His live-in girlfriend was devastated, and went on record stating she'd had no idea what he'd done.

 

After serving his time (a few years) he was released into a different community. All of my ex's friends severed ties with him upon his arrest and his parents moved away, so nobody really knew what he was up to after he served his sentence - until one of their friends happened to run into him leaving a subway station of the nearest big city, where he was with a girl we assumed was his new girlfriend. When he saw our mutual friend, he asked the girlfriend to go on ahead to his (presumably) nearby apartment, while he went to speak to the mutual friend out of earshot. Our mutual friend was shocked to see him, but pieced together pretty quickly that the new girlfriend had no clue her new man had actually been behind bars for the last couple years, and she certainly didn't know he is a sexual predator.

 

None of us had any way of finding out who the new girlfriend was and alerting her to her boyfriend's criminal history. The predator former-friend had no social media, of course, and nobody had any contact information for him or his parents. I have always wondered since then if she ever did find out, or what story he might have spun for her to explain where he'd been the previous few years and why. It gives me chills to think about.

 

Always, always do your research. Ask questions. Be alert to red flags. Don't hesitate to step away if something seems off.

This ex I talked about had also an historic of sexual abuse. I only knew this years after we broke up. Mind you I was a minor when we began dating, and he was older than me. When I found out about this I felt so sick that I almost threw up. Even though I had healthy relationships afterwards and even though I know it wasn't my fault, it took me years to forgive myself for having been with such person and to stop feeling disgusted with the fact that I was in a relationship with such person.

That former friend's girlfriend is in for a very unpleasant life.

I agree with doing your research, asking and be wary of red flags. Knowing about a person's family and friends is always good. I tend to feel suspicious of people who have zero contact with friends and family, though maybe men can think I'm a psycho too because I don't have any friends or family around (but that's because I'm living in another country... which by the way makes me vulnerable to unpleasant situations like this if I'm not wary of red flags and careful).

she certainly didn't know he is a sexual predator

In your opinion, do you think there is any hope for rehabilitation with men who commit these types of crimes?

I know it wasn't my fault, it took me years to forgive myself for having been with such person and to stop feeling disgusted with the fact that I was in a relationship with such person.

It most definitely wasn't your fault but I can understand how upsetting and disturbing it would be to have been with someone who was this much of a manipulator and liar.

I honestly cannot believe the lengths your ex went to!

How do people live with themselves that they can do these things of things? Or do they just not have a conscience? Do they justify it all in their own mind somehow?

It truly astounds me.

In your opinion, do you think there is any hope for rehabilitation with men who commit these types of crimes?

I really don't know.

In the case of this particular person, there were some rumours after his arrest that it wasn't the first time he'd sexually assaulted someone. It might have been the first time he'd randomly attacked a stranger, but the names of a couple girls he used to date were mentioned as possible previous date-rape victims (we are from a small town, so the names were familiar to me) Nobody ever publicly came forward, though. I have strong doubts he'll every successfully be fully rehabilitated, especially if he is serial sex offender.

I live abroad now and have long since broken from that ex, so I haven't heard any news about this person in years.

I think it takes a certain type of person to be able to sexually assault someone. I don't think the average person has it in them to be able to do something like that.

But yeah, a serial sex offender will always be dangerous. I'm amazed to be honest, that they let them back into the community.

That former friend's girlfriend is in for a very unpleasant life.

 

I agree with doing your research, asking and be wary of red flags. Knowing about a person's family and friends is always good. I tend to feel suspicious of people who have zero contact with friends and family, though maybe men can think I'm a psycho too because I don't have any friends or family around (but that's because I'm living in another country... which by the way makes me vulnerable to unpleasant situations like this if I'm not wary of red flags and careful).

It's been several years since that particular episode, so there is every chance the girlfriend is not in his life anymore. I hope not, for her sake.

Oddly enough, I live abroad too. I now have many local and expat friends where i live, but I knew nobody when I arrived here. The first local man I dated thought I was exceedingly wary of him but I didn't really care. Not knowing anyone, and living in a foreign you are absolutely more vulnerable. Always look out for yourself first.

It most definitely wasn't your fault but I can understand how upsetting and disturbing it would be to have been with someone who was this much of a manipulator and liar.

I honestly cannot believe the lengths your ex went to!

How do people live with themselves that they can do these things of things? Or do they just not have a conscience? Do they justify it all in their own mind somehow?

 

It truly astounds me.

Also, I only accepted to be in a relationship with him about 4 or 5 months of dating, so it's not like I rushed into the relationship. My parents were having problems in their own relationship and didn't notice much, but many members of my family and my parents eventually later, saw red flags and tried to convince me many times to leave him, but I didn't want to see. I think that when family and friends (the ones who remain, because these types of abusers will do everything to isolate you from everyone) tell you several times that something's not sitting right, usually they're right. They didn't know the extent of the situation but they knew something was wrong.

I think that most of these people don't really have a conscience. It's all about them. I've read that sociopaths (and maybe psychopaths too?) like "zero effort" situations, so they'll usually act like parasites. In my ex's case he was using the college lies to get money and to avoid working to sustain himself (I think this was the motive). When I confronted him he blamed me for having lied about all this. Yes, he blamed me and I believe he felt justified. His excuse when he was caught was that I was in college and made him feel that he wasn't worth it if he didn't have a degree and so he made that up to please me and so that I would value him. And that I should continue with him because despite all this he was truthful and this didn't change the love and the things he'd have done for me and shouldn't change who he was in my eyes. And that if I truly loved him, I wouldn't leave him just because he was not in college after all.

It almost seems comical, but this is real. He blamed it on me and tried to make me believe that me not accepting to stay with him after this lie (and other lies) was a proof that I didn't love him and was shallow and thought I was better than him.

Another huge red flag with these people is that they rarely take responsibility. They feel justified. It's never their fault.

But yeah, a serial sex offender will always be dangerous. I'm amazed to be honest, that they let them back into the community.

It's chilling.

This specific guy had picked up a job installing windows or some such thing after his release. The idea that this could be the guy who shows up to your home, and whom you permit inside without a second thought, disturbed me a lot.

It has definitely made me much more wary, in many circumstances.