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Thread: Increasingly cold and distant boyfriend

  1. #1

    Increasingly cold and distant boyfriend

    I have been exclusive with him for 3 months, everything was wonderful, felt emotional intimacy and sense of closeness even though we're moving fast in the beginning of the relationship but it felt meant to be, he also said he feels the same way, he would talk about meeting the parents, the future, having kids, etc. We would talk about everything. Then he started having problems at work, he talked about potential layoff looming, his discontent with his job, i know he has a demanding job & work long hours, then he tells me he wants to be alone for a while, since then hasn't contacted me for another 2 monts, i initiated contact by texting once in a couple weeks, at first he still seemed in a good mood, then the second&third times i reach out, he grew colder, responding in short sentences then uninterested in continuing the conversation, when i ask he tells me he's just stressed out it's a me not you thing, valentine's day came, i called him, he didn't answer then texted me he just got home and that was it, i feel like he's avoiding me, i have a gut feeling that he's not home. We haven't got into a fight yet that's why I'm so confused, is he being distant because of stress, is there something he's not telling me, or he just lost interest, is this his way of saying we're done it's over? I don't know what to do. Please help, any advice would be appreciated.
    Edited by Jencenh on Feb 16 2019 8:56AM

  2. #2
    Platinum Member
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    Three months is very early on, even if you knew him prior to that.

    Talking marriage, kids, etc. is so very premature. And if out of that 3 months he hasn't contacted you for two of those months, yes, I would say he is pulling away.

    Probably time for you to pull away, too.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member j.man's Avatar
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    I don't think you two are dating anymore. And, I mean, I get that ghosters do exist, but what you're describing is pretty awkward to the point I can't help but wonder if you're seeing some deeper commitment that never existed. I think you essentially dated for a month and that was kinda that.

    I'd wish him the best in sorting out his professional situation and move onto greener pastures.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Sorry to hear this. Often the 'confused, busy, stressed, need space, etc' excuse is a soft breakup. unfortunatelyn after 2 mos of no communication it seems over and you should consider moving forward.
    Originally Posted by JenniferWang
    he tells me he wants to be alone for a while, since then hasn't contacted me for another 2 monts

    Edited by Jencenh on Feb 16 2019 8:56AM

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  6. #5
    Silver Member Gary Snyder's Avatar
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    It's hard to say what the problem is.......he could be depressed about his job, or have depression issues, or be married/have a girlfriend.

    It's a real bad omen for a new relationship. And the relationship is so new, you two should be in the honeymoon phase, not having issues.

  7. #6
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    OP, I think he already did break up with you he hasn't been your boyfriend for a couple months now, at least.

    The break-up happened here: "then he tells me he wants to be alone for a while, since then hasn't contacted me for another 2 monts"

    It seems you didn't understand, but the relationship has been over since he said the above. This is my interpretation, anyway. That's why he's cold with you when you contact him. He doesn't get why his ex continues to reach out.

  8. #7
    Gold Member SGH's Avatar
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    Yeah, I agree with MissCannuck. You aren't dating anymore. Why would you want to date someone who barely seems to want to communicate with you anyway? Talk about the future is cheap. If it's not backed up with action, the man lacks integrity, which should be a dealbreaker for you.

    Stop calling him and move on.

  9. #8
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    I also agree with the other posters. I'm afraid to say that you should stop contacting him and move on. (sorry)

  10. #9
    Just to clear up the misunderstanding, we were together for 3 months prior to the 2 months, so 5 months altogether, before withdrawing he told me heís stressed out with work and when heís stressed he doesnít feel like talking, at the time I thought that itís only a phase and it will pass eventually(mid-life crisis maybe), first time I reached out he still appears motivated in overcoming the problems then it spiraled down from there
    Last edited by JenniferWang; 02-16-2019 at 04:37 PM.

  11. #10
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    Originally Posted by MissCanuck
    OP, I think he already did break up with you he hasn't been your boyfriend for a couple months now, at least.

    The break-up happened here: "then he tells me he wants to be alone for a while, since then hasn't contacted me for another 2 monts"

    It seems you didn't understand, but the relationship has been over since he said the above. This is my interpretation, anyway. That's why he's cold with you when you contact him. He doesn't get why his ex continues to reach out.
    I echo this. Sorry, OP best you move on and try and forget about him.

    Eventually you will but it takes time.

    Do not ever contact him again, it's over and done.

    I'm sorry ((hugs)).

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