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Thread: living with inlaws while house being built/baby due

  1. #1
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    living with inlaws while house being built/baby due

    I have a baby due very soon and we have bought a new home. It is a huge project, with a completion timeline of 4-5 months.

    We put our current house on the market couple of weeks ago and a offer was accepted by us. It sold quicker than we thought.

    I think we expect completion within 8-10 weeks. i have a baby due around this time too.

    My husband said he may speak to the buyers and see if he can buy a few weeks. But of course, the new home will still not be ready. Which leads me to my dilemma. We either move to my parents or my inlaws.

    My parents:

    Live in a bigger home, and have space. But i don't think my mother wants me there. I was fairly upset last week, as i mentioned potentially moving back home and she didn't entertain the idea. I have two kids already and have a c section booked soon. So of course, need help with school drop offs/pick ups.

    I don't think staying with my mum and dad is a option.

    My inlaws:

    Smaller home but we would have a room to ourselves. and two kids can have a bed set up in my inlaw's bedroom. My inlaws would do school pick ups/drop offs. Mother in law is nice and would feed kids, help look after them while i am busy with baby.

    My issue staying with them, is privacy. They have 4 other children aside from my husband. They all come and go on a daily basis to visit them. So having privacy worries me a little bit.
    Also, my kids routines being disrupted. I'm pretty strict with bed times etc, but i know they would become unruly with cousins around that stay till late. so they will refuse to sleep etc.

    another issue i have is, what if my husband gets attached to mum and dad? they are all pretty close anyway. But he will enjoy living with them and may not want to move into our new home. Or may just become really attached to mum and dad again?

    i know the obvious thing is to live with inlaws as they are much more accomodating.

    airbnb/getting a rental is not a option as this would upset our families. it would create tension and make it obvious that 'i' don't want to live with anyone.

    i'm trying to look at the bigger picture of me getting a lovely new home eventually and it's a temporary measure.

    but i worry my husband will become attached and get used to living at his 'old home' again

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
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    It's kind of ridiculous to think your husband would want to move back in with his parents and have your two kids living in a bedroom with his parents. It's a temporary situation, so you're going to have to loosen your standards about privacy and bedtimes, or you will put too much stress on yourself. Use positive self talk, do yoga, listen to calming meditative recordings.

    You're all adults, so if you can afford to rent, tough if it causes tension for your in-laws. If they are that emotionally manipulative, it's best you don't live with them. What are they going to do, let tension ruin relations with you both and risk not being able to see their grandkids? And if you don't think there won't be any tension with so many people stuffed into one house, you're wrong. So you will have tension in any situation. It's inevitable.

    Make a pros and cons list for renting or staying with the in-laws. Come to a consensus with your husband. Good luck and enjoy your future new home.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Annia's Avatar
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    Why would parents be mad if you choose to live in a rental? If you live there they're making you a favour, so it's not like it's an inconvenience for them to stay in a airbnb. It's even better for them.

    Also why would your husband be attached to living with his parents without privacy and your kids having to sleep in his parent's bedroom? Doesn't seem like a sustainable situation for long periods of time. Is he a mama boy and that's why you fear he'd prefer this exhausting and precarious arrangement? Specially given that you've bought a house and are going through all this to live there. It'd be idiotic of him to give up the big new house, privacy and peace and decide it's better to live with the parents and everybody else.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member j.man's Avatar
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    another issue i have is, what if my husband gets attached to mum and dad? they are all pretty close anyway. But he will enjoy living with them and may not want to move into our new home. Or may just become really attached to mum and dad again?
    What on Earth are you talking about? How low do you think of your husband that he'd go through the effort to sell your old home, get construction running on your new home, only to say, "Damn, I really missed mom's pot roast" and call the builders off?

    You've had this same issue with him and his closeness to his family for I don't know how many years. Why you're popping yet another kid out with such extreme and everlasting incompatibilities is well beyond me, but I hope you've had or will go to the appropriate individual and marital counseling required to best guarantee your children a stable life. This goes far beyond your temporary living situation coming up.

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  6. #5
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    Rent while you wait. I know a lot of people who have subletted someone else's apartment or town house for a few months. Why on Earth did you sell your house when you had a baby due?

    airbnb/getting a rental is not a option as this would upset our families. it would create tension and make it obvious that 'i' don't want to live with anyone.

    Time to pull up your big girl pants and grow up. Please. I think you want to move in with the relatives to have things to complain about. Honestly. You should be concerned with having a safe delivery and who cares if they are upset you don't stay with them. BTW, were you ever actually INVITED to stay with either set of parents? Just sublet someone's place for a few weeks or months and be done with it.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    You do not have a dilemma because your mother is not interested in the idea of housing you. Beggars can't be choosers so if his folks take you in you'll have to deal with some inconveniences.
    Originally Posted by maaraishuk
    I have a baby due very soon and we have bought a new home. the new home will still not be ready.

    i mentioned potentially moving back home and she didn't entertain the idea.

    Mother in law is nice and would feed kids, help look after them while i am busy with baby. My issue staying with them, is privacy.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    I would skip concern about pleasing anyone else. If you can find a rental, then use the late-night cousin excuse and keep your focus on your own transition. The concern about husband wanting to remain with his parents is either ridiculous OR a sign that your marriage is in trouble. Either you trust your spouse to be a good husband and family man, or you don't. If so, don't invent disaster fantasies, and if not, then why invest in a home with him?


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