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Thread: He wonít marry me.

  1. #1

    He wonít marry me.

    Iíll try to sum it up, but hereís where I am puzzled and donít know where to turn to. Iíve known my partner since I was 17, we were on and off again for many years. When I turned 22 we had our first born. We didnít talk about moving in or what was next, I had very little expectations because I knew he did not want to commit. We moved in to his Moms house shortly after I had the baby. Weíve been living together now for 10 years. During this time weíve had various ups and downs, we lost our jobs, heís maturity was a problem, going out with friends, and my health has been a big stress Iíve had several surgeries and even a cancer scare. Our bond was always strong he stayed through it all with me, we are great friends we have a great time together. We now have to children, he provides for us. He takes care of me spoils me even and supports my decisions and he has turned into a great father.

    The problem is my health isnít getting better, and I need to be under constant medical attention. I have no health insurance and I donít qualify for one. I am not a US citizen, I feel like he knows how much leverage he has over me and that he can drastically improve my life if weíre to get married. But he wonít do it, Ive even asked him to consider moving with me to my country. I want to because I feel I have no choice, I need a better future for myself to be able to take care of my children. He told me today that itís not his fault I keep getting sick and I should not rest that on his shoulders. I told him it wasnít of course itís not, but he can help me get better.

    I am lost here I do love him and in every area he is wonderful but, he wonít commit even knowing that it can drastically help me.

    Iíve considered moving back and trying to get citizenship from my country since I was brought here by my parents I may have a shot. But for that he would never allow me to take my children, and I canít leave them behind because Iím their primary care taker. Since he works far and long hours and has no one to help him but me.

    What should I do? Hope I donít get sicker and just live Day by Day?

  2. #2
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    You need to do what is best for you and your kids. If he refuses to marry you, clearly knowing your condition, then you need to move on.

    For the love of God, do not have more kids with this guy.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Sorry to hear this. However that argument of marriage for health benefits is a poor one. And you seem to keep vacillating between wanting a commitment as your reason, to moving to your country as an alternative, to pointing to chronic health problems as your reason. Also since you have never worked, do not have social security, etc this further puts you in a bind since you are not eligible for disability. It sounds like he's more of a sweatshop owner than "a great partner and father".

    He never wanted to marry if he did it would have happened years ago with out all the reasoning you are trying to use. Are his children covered under his health insurance. You do realize that in the US a 'domestic partner' may be covered, makes no difference if you're a citizen. Also you don't need to be married to have health insurance, another option is working for a company that offers benefits and another option since he is supporting you, is private health insurance. Since he won't provide accurate information, go to a library and research online as well what your options are for health care in the US.

    If you still need more options go to social services (if you are here legally...if you are not working or married how could that be?) and apply for medicaid and other government benefits.. However it is quite reprehensible that you have his kids who are covered but he treats you like the household help who has no benefits and even more reprehensible would be having to expect tax payers to pay for what he simply is too cheap, lazy or arrogant to help you with. Depriving the mother of your children with accurate information or basics like health care if you are not working is not "He takes care of me spoils me even and supports my decisions"
    Originally Posted by flowerpetals
    Weíve been living together now for 10 years. We now have to children, he provides for us.

    I have no health insurance and I donít qualify for one. I am not a US citizen

  4. #4
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    Are you here on a green card? My ex was on one from Canada and he got medical from the government. Thereís ways of getting medical insurance. It doesnít sound like you can rely on your Boyfriend so you should look into what your options are.

    As for your boyfriend he sounds very insensitive telling you that your medical issues are your own problem. That is not supportive or caring.

    I know you have kids but your health is a number one priority right now. If it means anything else going back to your home country for now may be worth it.

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  6. #5
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    What country are you a citizen of, if you aren't a citizen of the country you are currently living in and aren't a citizen of your home country?

  7. #6
    Platinum Member FreedomRing's Avatar
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    What are his specific reasons for not wanting to marry you?

  8. #7
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    I would say that any marriage would be of convenience and he isn't intersted. you dated and you got pregnant --- so why not stop at one child if the guy isn't going to marry you - or did you think by having kids he would? I don't think you would be with him if you didn't have kids.

    Yes, i think that you should go back to your country if you have family to help with the kids. especially if you are illegal or not a permanent resident. If you are legally able to stay in this country, can you move in with your parents if they are legally here and file for child support?

    Can you pay to go to an urgent care clinic?

  9. #8
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    What you are describing with his attitude is not :"Our bond was always strong he stayed through it all with me, we are great friends we have a great time together". Either he is Mr Wonderful or he is a selfish noncommittal jerk who thinks you're a hypochondriac and doesn't care about your health. You need to make up your mind which on it is and then take appropriate action.

    Do not blame him for your health problems. Seek out appropriate care and get the treatment you need. If he's so amazing and your best friend and pampers, spoils and takes care of you surely he'll pay a doctor's bill. Don't be manipulative and claim he needs to marry you for your health or he is the source of your poor health.
    Originally Posted by flowerpetals
    I need to be under constant medical attention. I have no health insurance and I donít qualify for one.

    He told me today that itís not his fault I keep getting sick and I should not rest that on his shoulders.

  10. 03-06-2019, 04:06 AM
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