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I cheated and I regret it so much


sarah322

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I am in an almost 3 year relationship. We are serious and we talked about getting married. We are highschool sweethearts and I love my boyfriend very much. But for I long time I was unhappy and I felt neglected, when I told him about it, he apologized and gave me the attention that I needed but it lasted for a short period of time because it was something that always bugged me and something I told him about. About 3 months ago, I was crying everyday because I felt lonely because my boyfriend and I didn't see each other for almost 20 days (even though we live 45-50 minutes away), he told me to push through it because of college responsibilites and we will see each other when we do. At that time I became close friends with a colleague from college, we had a lot of fun. We started flirting with each other (but I thought of it as being friendly, but he didn't so I said flirted) and once we were all drinking (colleagues from college) and somehow he and I were alone. I don't remember how did that happen (I was too drunk), I also don't remember when exactly he sat next to me and my legs were in his lap and he was touching my legs. I was really unaware because of all the alcohol (it's not an excuse) and we hugged and I kissed his neck. He was asking how much better he is than my boyfriend and kept asking me differences between him and my boyfriend. After that I went to the bathroom and I threw up, we went home. On the way to the bus stop, we held hands and we almost kissed. He asked if I wanted this and I said no. I held his hand in more of a comforting sense (I know that sounds stupid, but I really did). After that happened we had some close moments, but nothing happened, no kissing, no hugging, I kissed him on the cheek when I said nothing can happen (again to say I'm sorry for everything but I know now it was a mistake for even kissing him on the cheek), I said that nothing can happen between us. I also said to him that I love my boyfriend and I'm sorry for everything. That happened 3 months ago, I haven't told my boyfriend, but I will, he deserves to know that I'm a piece of sh**. I regret it all and the guilt is killing me so much that I've started hurting myself because I hate myself for being this way to the only man I ever loved and will ever love and that is my boyfriend. Please help deal with this, any advice on how to tell my boyfriend.

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Often times when we feel we need to tell our partner something that we've done, it's to absolve our own guilt. To somehow give us relief. It might do that, but in return you have now cause someone else pain. In some ways, it's a selfish act.

 

You held someones hand and almost kissed, yet you told him no. You drank too much but still showed restraint.

I would write this off as a lesson learned and a wake up call.

 

Don't put yourself in vulnerable situations like this again and talk to your boyfriend about how to better improve your relationship.

Spare him the details about how you `almost' cheated.

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ut for I long time I was unhappy and I felt neglected, when I told him about it, he apologized and gave me the attention that I needed but it lasted for a short period of time because it was something that always bugged me and something I told him about. About 3 months ago, I was crying everyday because I felt lonely because my boyfriend and I didn't see each other for almost 20 days (even though we live 45-50 minutes away), he told me to push through it because of college responsibilites and we will see each other when we do. .

 

If you were honest with yourself, could it be you are looking for reason to end a relationship that you may have outgrown and is no longer meeting your needs?

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Wait... let me get this straight. You kissed this guy on the cheek, held his hand and flung your legs over him? No. That’s not cheating. Rule of thumb: if you’d do it with your grandma, it’s not cheating. Lol!

 

Yes, you behaved inappropriately and regrettably. And no, you probably shouldn’t have done that... (so stop it!)... but frankly, if you talk to your boyfriend about how you “cheated” over this - you are just stirring up drama for nothing.

 

I can say with 100% confidence that if my own partner did this one night, regretted it, never did it again, and limited/cut contact with that person - I’d really rather simply not know.

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If you were honest with yourself, could it be you are looking for reason to end a relationship that you may have outgrown and is no longer meeting your needs?

 

I don't want my relationship to end, I really, truly do love him and I know sometimes he has trouble showing his love, but when I needed him the most, he was there for me. And before we were together, we were best friends.

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Wait... let me get this straight. You kissed this guy on the cheek, held his hand and flung your legs over him? No. That’s not cheating. Rule of thumb: if you’d do it with your grandma, it’s not cheating. Lol!

 

Then why do I feel really guilty about this?

 

 

Yes, you behaved inappropriately and regrettably. And no, you probably shouldn’t have done that... (so stop it!)... but frankly, if you talk to your boyfriend about how you “cheated” over this - you are just stirring up drama for nothing.

 

I never ever want to do that again.

 

I can say with 100% confidence that if my own partner did this one night, regretted it, never did it again, and limited/cut contact with that person - I’d really rather simply not know.

 

But I feel like he needs to know that I made a mistake.

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I think you feel like he needs to feel like he has to hedge his studies against the possibility of you kissing other dudes and holding their hands while he's cramming. Or allegedly cramming. I don't know. I don't know the guy to judge your boyfriend positively or negatively. 20 days is a long time to go without seeing your girlfriend of three years, but then again you could drive out to him and meet him for lunch just as well.

 

What I do know is we're being told a story just mild enough to duck the metrics of what's generally considered cheating. Be honest, what are the odds you think, after nearly three years together, her forgives you vs. dumps you? 75/25? Conventional wisdom and common sense would dictate you shoulder the guilt, get yourself in check so something like this doesn't repeat itself, and act in a way that doesn't needlessly potentially destroy someone you allegedly love's sense of trust. Whether that means acknowledging you two aren't a fit and dumping him without dumping your guilt onto him, or realizing *he's the one* and forgiving yourself in order to carry on with him. I know you're young, but you're not stupid. There's no benefit to him knowing. And any benefit there would be is attached to your own motivations.

 

Just be a decent person. Never too late for it.

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Was about the say what j.man just said.

 

The intention in telling him is to scare him into being the bf you want him to be. It’s a power move concealed in the Trojan horse of a confession.

 

You’re young, OP, so I suppose I understand that something this G-rated might genuinely trigger a “did I cheat” radar. But this is not cheating. It’s not great behavior, but one drunken almost-something in three years? It’s the sort of thing you check yourself, not blow up into drama.

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Was about the say what j.man just said.

 

The intention in telling him is to scare him into being the bf you want him to be. It’s a power move concealed in the Trojan horse of a confession.

 

You’re young, OP, so I suppose I understand that something this G-rated might genuinely trigger a “did I cheat” radar. But this is not cheating. It’s not great behavior, but one drunken almost-something in three years? It’s the sort of thing you check yourself, not blow up into drama.

 

I really didn't mean this to be a power move, I didn't think of it that way, it's just that I feel I've cheated on him since I almost shared something with someone else. That's why I have a strong urge to tell him, our relationship is based on trust and I feel like I owe it to him.

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If it means anything I am the one who studies harder than him in college. I do feel like both of us could have made time for each other.
Lol girl logic. If a guy did everything she did with another girl you ladies would be like leave his ass blah blah blah. But now it's not cheating. You ladies are too much love you all though.
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Don’t tell him. Take it to your grave.

 

Just don’t ever do it again. It’ll always catch back up with you.

 

End the relationship if you want to just don’t ever tell him. It’ll do more harm to the both of you. Treat him better. Tho you may do it again. You never know who will pull an O.J Simpson.

 

Fr tho break up with him if you find the urge to do it again. You’ll save him from a whole lot of heart break down the line. Just don’t ever tell him that’s the reason.

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Don’t tell him. Take it to your grave.

 

Just don’t ever do it again. It’ll always catch back up with you.

 

End the relationship if you want to just don’t ever tell him. It’ll do more harm to the both of you. Treat him better. Tho you may do it again. You never know who will pull an O.J Simpson.

 

Fr tho break up with him if you find the urge to do it again. You’ll save him from a whole lot of heart break down the line. Just don’t ever tell him that’s the reason.

 

But doesn't that make me a bad person? Because I lied and didn't give him a chance to make a decision about us.

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Champion....
Ahha I just speak the truth. It's funny to read these forums and see how these ladies think. I'm into psychology and sociology. There's no winning with them. In their minds they are always right and when they end up doing wrong and feeling bad about it they have their girlfriend's telling them they did nothing wrong...this girl cheated and she probably even dumbed down the whole truth just to sound innocent and paint a picture of her being the victim. They love to play the victim. This time the accuseee being the alcohol..like come on now. If you can't be in control of you alcohol then don't drink. You could get taken advantage of...
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Ahha I just speak the truth. It's funny to read these forums and see how these ladies think. I'm into psychology and sociology. There's no winning with them. In their minds they are always right and when they end up doing wrong and feeling bad about it they have their girlfriend's telling them they did nothing wrong...this girl cheated and she probably even dumbed down the whole truth just to sound innocent and paint a picture of her being the victim. They love to play the victim. This time the accuseee being the alcohol..like come on now. If you can't be in control of you alcohol then don't drink. You could get taken advantage of...

 

I never said that alcohol was my excuse and I never justified myself, what I did was wrong and I regret it. I came here for some advice how to tell my boyfriend what I did.

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Ahha I just speak the truth. It's funny to read these forums and see how these ladies think. I'm into psychology and sociology. There's no winning with them. In their minds they are always right and when they end up doing wrong and feeling bad about it they have their girlfriend's telling them they did nothing wrong...this girl cheated and she probably even dumbed down the whole truth just to sound innocent and paint a picture of her being the victim. They love to play the victim. This time the accuseee being the alcohol..like come on now. If you can't be in control of you alcohol then don't drink. You could get taken advantage of...
Sorry if I'm coming off as rude as this is not my intention. Someone has to view it from the guys side. That's all I'm doing. Like if her man was there and she was doing all this. I know for a fact he would be done and consider that cheating
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Sarah322 I'm sorry if I came off rude. I can help you out in to what to say. Is that the whole truth is what I want to ask? Did you kiss on the lips? Like all that touching and holding is still alittle too much. If so I would honestly just be upfront with him..just make sure when you talk it's just you and him with no other distractions. He might seem upset with you but don't let that stop you from telling him the truth. I promise you he will get over it. Plus he will respect you more for telling him. He might need some time to calm down. But in the end he will realize it wasn't so bad and that he can trust you to tell him these things. You came to the right place. You guys will be okay I promise you Sarah. It's better to tell him now then for him to find out later. Because if some how he finds out later he's gonna be wondering what else you have been hiding. And he will definitely lose all trust in you. And after that trust is gone. There is no hope in gaining it back. Either way you are loved..always keep your head up. I hope I helped.

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Sarah322 I'm sorry if I came off rude. I can help you out in to what to say. Is that the whole truth is what I want to ask? Did you kiss on the lips? Like all that touching and holding is still alittle too much. If so I would honestly just be upfront with him..just make sure when you talk it's just you and him with no other distractions. He might seem upset with you but don't let that stop you from telling him the truth. I promise you he will get over it. Plus he will respect you more for telling him. He might need some time to calm down. But in the end he will realize it wasn't so bad and that he can trust you to tell him these things. You came to the right place. You guys will be okay I promise you Sarah. It's better to tell him now then for him to find out later. Because if some how he finds out later he's gonna be wondering what else you have been hiding. And he will definitely lose all trust in you. And after that trust is gone. There is no hope in gaining it back. Either way you are loved..always keep your head up. I hope I helped.

 

No kissing on the lips, we were close, but pulled away. And it's okay, you didn't come off as rude, you have your opinion, I am thankful for you even reading this.

I'm not sure if he will get over this, but I know he truly loves me. I am afraid to tell him what happened because I know I betrayed him. He asked me a couple times during this week if I was okay (I do have some issues about stressing over everything so I get that he is worried about my health), because I am torn with guilt and I can't concentrate, all I do is stay in bed all day, I barely eat.

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