Broke up with my girl last week

So I broke up with one of the most amazing woman I have ever met in my life. She was sweet and caring. Words can't even explain how Im feeling right now. Her ex was very abusive and she kept going back to him and they were together for 6 years. They have two kids together. And I been so sweet to her talking to her thru everything every step of the way. She was so in love with me and I was in love with her. I think I got scared of how I was feeling and pushed her away. My point is I got mad and said some things I regret. And she told me to leave her alone like I'm not the person she thought I was..this whole time I been nothing but nice I just feel like she thinks I'm gonna be like her ex that's abusive it's still in her mind. Like I keep telling her that shes gotta put that in her past. Like I'm a new guy so I deserve a new fresh start. It wasn't fair of me to get the left over baggage. But In her defense she did warn me about everything and the baggage. But I was willing to work with it. I ended up calling her like 100 times like a idiot because I wanted to explain myself. this is so against my character I just wanted to explain to her my reasoning and let her know I'm not upset. I really want to get her back but I know she has to work out the demon she has inside and I need to work on myself. I don't want to say if it's meant to be it's meant to be. Because with this girl I feel it's meant to be. Like because of her I'm back in touch with my beautiful daughter. I was feeling down and depressed after the breakup but because I'm not the type to lay and be emo all day everyday I decided to man up and do something that needed to be done. She blocked my phone number and I am at a loss for words.

 

It's not the breakup that's getting me. It's the way I went about it. Like hearing her cry made me feel like a piece of . I hate hearing women cry. And when I heard this girl cry, a girl I would give the world to cry, I just felt broken. Like I let her down. I betrayed her trust lost her respect. I would do anything to get another chance. This girl is just like me in every single way.

 

What should I do? Any advice. How.should I go about getting her back.

This has got nothing to do with the relationship advice, but you might want to ease back on starting your sentences with "like". It doesn't sound great.

 

How long were you and she together? Was she going back to him, even while she was with you?

Lol with my mind set Grammer on the internet is the least of my worries right now but thanks anyways lol. I was with her for just like 3 months and no she hates him. Said she thinks he raped her 3 year old daughter too. This guy's high on meth and does a bunch of stupid things. She has a restraining order on him. So it wouldn't be smart of her to to be around him especially when he raped her and her daughter. She is 29 but kind of acts immature for her age but I'm not here to talk bad about her I just wanted to give you an idea. Because of this the guy was able to manipulate her throughout the relationship. I trust the girl with all my heart like she would text me every second of the day all the time and voluntarily tell me where and what she was doing. I told her she didn't have to do this but she said she wanted to. (I'm not sure if it's becuase she was used to being told to do that from her ex)..but she didn't mind and I would do the same thing.

 

This is the first girl who I did that with. I was actually loyal(I know that's what I'm supposed to be anyways ) but it's hard for me to explain my feelings about this girl. I'm not even mad at her honestly and just mad at myself. Hearing her sad broke me down to pieces I never meant to hurt her by getting mad over the phone. I know that tore her up inside. I feel dumb. I know we weren't together for a long time but it seemed like we knew each other forever. Plus we went to high school together I knew her sister and used to be with her best friend. I'm worried that the daughters dad is gonna get back in their lives and everything's going to seem good but then he's gonna start acting up again. I told her I'd always be there for her. But I'm at a loss for words. Lol I almost put like in a couple sentences but I caught my self. It does sound pretty bad. Thanks for letting me know. And thanks for taking the time to read this.

 

If I could have one more chance with her I would give up everything just to show her how she should be treated. I'd try my best to never get upset. People get upset though and I understand but I will learn to bite my tongue and listen to what she needs to say. Words can't explain how I feel about this girl. I've been single kind of for the last 6 years since my daughter's mother and I didn't think I could find someone like this. We are literally the same person.

 

Do you think after a little time she will come around. I don't want no one beating on her she does not deserve that. Its funny I'm a strong tough manbut when it comes to her, her daughters, my daughter or our families I get a little emotional

Man the girl is damaged goods. I know you care about her but she’s not in a good place. There’s nothing you can do.. You can’t help someone who won’t help themselves. Hanging around and wanting to save her will do nothing but disrespect yourself and make you unattractive plus you’ll lose your fricking mind...

 

You’re always the same person until the moment you aren’t anymore. You’re always the love of someone’s life until you aren’t anymore..

 

Get it together man. Cut her out of your life. Whatever you’ve done wrong you need to own and work on yourself. There’s nothing you can do for her.

 

Do you want a girl who’s gonna be with a guy like that? Are you ok with being second best to a guy like that? You need to be fine with being alone before being with a girl like that.

 

She’s with some dude getting banged while your sitting here wondering when she’s gonna come back? Will she come back? Maybe.. but you shouldn’t care if she does. If you cut her out of your life she probably will if you treated her good. She’s damaged goods man it’ll never go back to the way it once was. You’ll have to accept that someday. I know I had too.

 

One things for sure if they want to come back then they will. If they never do then you know they don’t give af about you or respect you.

 

We will all make it.

In all seriousness. Can you please not refer to her as "damaged goods" I don't see her as I item. I see her as a loving human being who has been hurt by the past.

 

Thank you though for the reply. This sucks man. I'm a confident man like overly confident sometimes. But this scenario breaks my heart. She knows my background in Muay Thai and when she was telling me this we agreed it was beest to just leave her ex alone because I didn't want to get in trouble. I can't even think right now dude. I am losing myself

 

Naw I've known her for a while she only slept with two guys other then me. Her ex husband and then her babies father. Her getting pounded isn't a worry for me. It's her getting stalked harrassed and beat up and rapped which is a concern for me. I'm not a jealous guy anyways so even if she was with another guy it's coo. It's hard to explain I'm not good at this feelings bull stuff..

 

Bless you though brother I know I will let her go I just pray she will be ok. We from the same city anyways so I know I'll see her.. man that babies father drama is the deal breaker though.

 

We're all gonna make it. #facts.

Thanks austino

Man the girl is damaged goods. I know you care about her but she’s not in a good place. There’s nothing you can do.. You can’t help someone who won’t help themselves. Hanging around and wanting to save her will do nothing but disrespect yourself and make you unattractive plus you’ll lose your fricking mind...

 

You’re always the same person until the moment you aren’t anymore. You’re always the love of someone’s life until you aren’t anymore..

 

Get it together man. Cut her out of your life. Whatever you’ve done wrong you need to own and work on yourself. There’s nothing you can do for her.

 

Do you want a girl who’s gonna be with a guy like that? Are you ok with being second best to a guy like that? You need to be fine with being alone before being with a girl like that.

 

She’s with some dude getting banged while your sitting here wondering when she’s gonna come back? Will she come back? Maybe.. but you shouldn’t care if she does. If you cut her out of your life she probably will if you treated her good. She’s damaged goods man it’ll never go back to the way it once was. You’ll have to accept that someday. I know I had too.

 

One things for sure if they want to come back then they will. If they never do then you know they don’t give af about you or respect you.

 

We will all make it.

It's kind of messed up how the girls get more replies then us guys lol

In all seriousness. Can you please not refer to her as "damaged goods" I don't see her as I item. I see her as a loving human being who has been hurt by the past.

 

Thank you though for the reply. This sucks man. I'm a confident man like overly confident sometimes. But this scenario breaks my heart. She knows my background in Muay Thai and when she was telling me this we agreed it was beest to just leave her ex alone because I didn't want to get in trouble. I can't even think right now dude. I am losing myself

 

Naw I've known her for a while she only slept with two guys other then me. Her ex husband and then her babies father. Her getting pounded isn't a worry for me. It's her getting stalked harrassed and beat up and rapped which is a concern for me. I'm not a jealous guy anyways so even if she was with another guy it's coo. It's hard to explain I'm not good at this feelings bull stuff..

 

Bless you though brother I know I will let her go I just pray she will be ok. We from the same city anyways so I know I'll see her.. man that babies father drama is the deal breaker though.

 

We're all gonna make it. #facts.

Thanks austino

 

I meant no disrespect. Its just a figure of speech to describe someone who can’t handle life. She’s probably beyond the point of getting better without serious counseling man.

 

That save a girl mentality will get you heart broke and financially broke plus it’s a controlling mindset. You gotta do a better job at choosing them man we all do.

 

Let her go wish her the best. One day both of our exes will be as insignificant as what we had for breakfast this morning. Bet money she’ll probably come back but she would be at the lowest of the low.

It's kind of messed up how the girls get more replies then us guys lol

 

Ive notice any sign of being a d**k will get you ignored. If someone comments and criticizes you don’t take it to personal. People most likely won’t respond.

 

This website has given me hella good advice.

I meant no disrespect. Its just a figure of speech to describe someone who can’t handle life. She’s probably beyond the point of getting better without serious counseling man.

 

That save a girl mentality will get you heart broke and financially broke plus it’s a controlling mindset. You gotta do a better job at choosing them man we all do.

 

Let her go wish her the best. One day both of our exes will be as insignificant as what we had for breakfast this morning. Bet money she’ll probably come back but she would be at the lowest of the low.

Haha but I love my breakfast though hahaha jk jk. Ya I know you didn't mean no disrespect. No hard feelings brother. Me and you be giving out advice like saints over here hahaha. But ya it's beta for me to try to save her. But she's over her ex like not in love but she can't get over the stuff he did she's gonna be traumatized for life. I am seriously gonna give her some time and me time.

 

Honestly I'mma check on her in a month or so I an gonna see if she would seek therapy or something. Because no matter what we were friends before anything so I can't just leave her hanging you know. I care about her as a friend.

Haha but I love my breakfast though hahaha jk jk. Ya I know you didn't mean no disrespect. No hard feelings brother. Me and you be giving out advice like saints over here hahaha. But ya it's beta for me to try to save her. But she's over her ex like not in love but she can't get over the stuff he did she's gonna be traumatized for life. I am seriously gonna give her some time and me time.

 

Honestly I'mma check on her in a month or so I an gonna see if she would seek therapy or something. Because no matter what we were friends before anything so I can't just leave her hanging you know. I care about her as a friend.

 

If you check on her in a month and she’s worse than she is now it’ll make you feel bad again. You’ll just keep opening a wound again and again.

 

I get it tho. But it’s not a good thing to do unless you have no romantic feelings at all.

I am very sorry to hear this, but you will make it.

I think you should try to get her some professional help? If she was abused, she has a lot of unresolved emotions and feelings and she should try to get help from someone who knows how to deal with this stuff.

If you check on her in a month and she’s worse than she is now it’ll make you feel bad again. You’ll just keep opening a wound again and again.

 

I get it tho. But it’s not a good thing to do unless you have no romantic feelings at all.

Ya I understand but she's a friend though so even without the dating I'd still be there for her you know. Should of just remained friends. I'mma see if we can just be friends because I value that more than anything. We are exactly I mean exactly the same in all topics its crazy maybe that's why this journey was crazy for me

I am very sorry to hear this, but you will make it.

I think you should try to get her some professional help? If she was abused, she has a lot of unresolved emotions and feelings and she should try to get help from someone who knows how to deal with this stuff.

Ya I feel she should seek help in order to be strong for her next relationship. I want to continue to be her friend. I'm just going to give her time and check on her in a few..I care about her but I care about myself more

It's not just her though maybe I'll go see one too I'd do what it takes

This has got nothing to do with the relationship advice, but you might want to ease back on starting your sentences with "like". It doesn't sound great.

 

How long were you and she together? Was she going back to him, even while she was with you?

What would your advice be

It's not just her though maybe I'll go see one too I'd do what it takes

 

Go to one. It only makes you better.

It's not just her though maybe I'll go see one too I'd do what it takes

 

I think that would be also good. To speak with someone who is a professional and help you deal with things but in a healthier way.

I think that would be also good. To speak with someone who is a professional and help you deal with things but in a healthier way.

Ya it' like I'm ok but then deep down I'm not I just feel like a bad guy

Go to one. It only makes you better.

Like I was her protector and the person she trusted I feel like I let her down if I didn't get upset and raised my voice and cursed we would of been good like when I say perfect everything was perfect. I know she must be upset at me but I know she is thinking what we could of been. Like everything was amazing

Ya it' like I'm ok but then deep down I'm not I just feel like a bad guy

 

Why do you feel that way?

Like I was her protector and the person she trusted I feel like I let her down if I didn't get upset and raised my voice and cursed we would of been good like when I say perfect everything was perfect. I know she must be upset at me but I know she is thinking what we could of been. Like everything was amazing

 

I've realised this answers my question. You are not a bad guy, you've made a mistake but you can make up for it and try not make it again. It's human to make mistakes.

We all make mistakes, just like you said on my post, it's not good to dwell on them. Maybe if you talk with a professional, you'll feel better.

Why do you feel that way?

Because I made her cry and broke her deep inside by getting upset. It was over the phone and she was yelling and not answering then picking up and yelling I'm just trying to talk and be calm but then I felt like she wouldn't let me get my words in and that made me yell over her and I was mad. I regret it and should of listened to her. I should of sucked up my pride and listened. The more I think about it the more I feel like a idiot. Like I never even thought about other women at all and before her I was considered a ladies man since I have alot of lady friends because I know how to treat them and talk to them. I'm always the one they can come to and talk to and some feel for me you know. You grow a bond. I was nothing but honest with her and I even voluntarily told her what I was doing and we're I was at. Just because I wanted to that's crazy for me. I just want to take care of her. But that's my thing. Did I really want to marry her or did I just want to help her. Like the more I talk about it the more I am confused....I want to fix her but then again I want to fix you. So it's like did I grow an unconditional bond with her over getting to know her deep down. That's what I wanted in the first place a friend first. I feel like everything was going good. I just subconsciously pushed her away without knowing. I felt like it's better to end now then later and be hurt more later in life. Or would the relationship just have run its course and I would of been tired of it anyways.

 

It's funny her last haunts her and the future haunts me. We both have similar demons like her baby dad's drama and my baby mom's drama..I need another chance like the connection was real I just hope she didn't think I was faking it and pretending because thays not the case.

 

I know people are going to be like Mike never loved u. Mike never cared but that's def not true. I care for her more then anything in this world. I'm not even contacting her so she can have some time to herself. It's hard as hell to not try to talk to her but I love her and don't want to bug her or harrass

I've realised this answers my question. You are not a bad guy, you've made a mistake but you can make up for it and try not make it again. It's human to make mistakes.

We all make mistakes, just like you said on my post, it's not good to dwell on them. Maybe if you talk with a professional, you'll feel better.

Yes I am seeking some help for myself. I got to help myself before I can help anyone. And my anger is the only issue. But because of her past one instance is more than enough for her to go thru. I wish I never showed hi Eric that side.

Okay, so you two were together for 3 months. What exactly went on that caused you to say things to her that you didn't mean?

What I mean is, that's obviously such a short time together, how did it get to be tumultuous so quickly?

 

Usually the 3 month mark couples are still in the "honeymoon" stage and aren't fighting at all.

.I want to fix her

 

That's not your job. People get together to share their lives, to enhance one another's lives, you don't "fix" one another.

If that person is having problems or struggling in life, they need to see a therapist. You can be supportive, but that's not the same as trying to fix someone, which by the way you're not trained to do and it makes it a very weird dynamic to think that you need to fix them or save them.

 

I understand to a certain degree, it's the white knight syndrome and you want to be the "man" for your girlfriend and maybe even possibly your women friends.

But it's not how it should be.

You can be supportive, you can be a listening ear, you can even give advice, but at the end of the day, if they are struggling, they will need a therapist to help them get past their worst issues.

 

Also, when you get yourself into that dynamic, this is exactly what the problem can be. You start to feel attached to them but not in the romantic sense, per se, but rather in the sense of feeling responsible for their happiness, responsible for helping them.

You feel empathy and you feel needed.

Those feelings can feel very strong and confuse you as to how you actually feel about that person.

Then it's no longer about love and romance, but rather about victim and savior.

 

It should never become confusing or dysfunctional like that.

 

If you meet someone, friend or otherwise, and they are having problems, again, you cannot fix them. You are not responsible for them or for their happiness. Nor should you want it to become like that.

Your job as a friend or boyfriend, would be to direct them to get professional help.