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Thread: Month after breakup, ex went from no contact, to fwb and now platonic friends..?

  1. #1
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    Month after breakup, ex went from no contact, to fwb and now platonic friends..?

    Well as some of you may recall from my prior post ex wanted to be friends with benefits. Turns out effective last night that she just wants to be friends. Her reasoning was not because she didn't want to continue doing xyz, but because she feels my emotional instability (ptsd) would make for a terrible time if and when day she told me it had to end because she was interested in someone else.

    At first I was very against the idea and made it known, yet when I said no, I recieved all sorts of almost mean messages, saying more or less "we can be great friends, still hang out and do all the things we enjoy doing, just no sex. But that's not good enough for you."

    After giving it some thought I agreed to a friendship, but made it a point even though she plans on seeing me this weekend (details will be below), to bring her all her stuff I had left at my place. In total a 6 hour, 400 mile trip.

    Upon getting to her house, providing her stuff she asked if I was hungry and we went out to dinner. At this point she explained why she couldn't pursue a romantic relationship with me anyfurther. "I felt like I could chew you up and spit you out. We do get along and have fun together when we're doing things, but idk..."

    To me it sounds like my emotional instability also showed its self in forms of insecurities. Aka, she felt like she was the dominant one.

    So we have dinner, get back to her house and I pull into her drive way, she asks if I'm coming in and instead stay seated in the car and tell her I'm taking off.

    Here's the part I don't understand... She was talking about what time we would have to leave her house Saturday morning to go do some hiking. Key word there is "we". To me saying she expects me to drive up Friday night and stay there. Also, she says Sunday I can bring her dog out hiking, while her and her sister go get tattoos. So here we are again, another weekend going to be spent at her place, albeit this time her making it clear, no sex.

    What should I make of this, once again end result is to rekindle feelings of attraction and at least get her into thinking of me as more then a friend.

  2. #2
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    This is just dysfunctional at this point.

    You are going to wind up really hurt when she meets a new guy. She's positioning you as her placeholder until she finds someone else.

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    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    After she broke up and gave you the reasons (unstable, can't handle it), she's been tiptoeing out of this and now you're in the friendzone, sorry. Don't hang out with her.

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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    After she broke up and gave you the reasons (unstable, can't handle it), she's been tiptoeing out of this and now you're in the friendzone, sorry. Don't hang out with her.
    That's what I've been beginning to think. Of course this morning I wake up to "glad you got home safe, what time will you be here tomorrow".. She's speaking of Friday.

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member IAmFCA's Avatar
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    Walk away.

    Just because she says these things doesn't make it so. What do you want?

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    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
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    When you have to convince someone to be with you, or to stick around and hope the person who dumped you will finally open their eyes to your wonderfulness, you are wasting so much of your precious time. What I'm assuming you want is a girlfriend who is crazy about you, and vice versa, and someone who you can enjoy companionship with including SEX. Your "friendship" with the ex is preventing you from achieving this goal. No self-respecting woman will date you when she finds out you're hanging out with an ex. She's not the only, pretty, sexy, fun girl around (and your ex was too far away anyway.) Your ex will also drop you like a hot potato as soon as she dates someone, as her new guy won't want her ex FWB communicating with her, and she will choose him, believe me.

    Go no contact for your own good and closure. When you're ready to date again, try for local dating so you can regularly date a woman at a normal pace. Good luck.

  8. #7
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    Originally Posted by Andrina
    When you have to convince someone to be with you, or to stick around and hope the person who dumped you will finally open their eyes to your wonderfulness, you are wasting so much of your precious time. What I'm assuming you want is a girlfriend who is crazy about you, and vice versa, and someone who you can enjoy companionship with including SEX. Your "friendship" with the ex is preventing you from achieving this goal. No self-respecting woman will date you when she finds out you're hanging out with an ex. She's not the only, pretty, sexy, fun girl around (and your ex was too far away anyway.) Your ex will also drop you like a hot potato as soon as she dates someone, as her new guy won't want her ex FWB communicating with her, and she will choose him, believe me.

    Go no contact for your own good and closure. When you're ready to date again, try for local dating so you can regularly date a woman at a normal pace. Good luck.
    I appreciate this advice and really is beginning to resonate that I don't want to be friends with her. Its just unfortunate because we have great times when we're together.

  9. #8
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    Think about how you would feel after you've driven six hours and when you go inside her new boyfriend is sitting in the living room.

    Yes, that absolutely could happen.

  10. #9
    Gold Member Gary Snyder's Avatar
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    She's fallen out of love with you, but love dies a slow death - she's weaning herself off of you on her terms - because she knows you are wimpy and would never leave her. How long are you going to let this woman play with you and drag your heart through the gutter? Doesn't it make you mad to be played? Have some dignity for yourself and cut contact.

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    Why are you bringing her dog hiking while she does something else?

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