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Sadmad37

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Ok I have been reading a lot online about relationships marriage divorce etc and everything I see and read says I'm doomed for divorce. Have been for a long time.

At this point I'm trying to establish a big, go for broke kind of an effort. I want to look back one day and say that i gave a and tried.

 

Surely someone else has felt this way? Am I crazy? I don't really want to save anything at this point. I don't know why I'm doing this. It's like i am trying to prove to myself I'm the better person or something is that totally ed up or what?

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My very general advice...

 

In my observations, relationships are over when one of the two people run out of “try”. It sounds like you are near the end of your rope. My advice would be to bring in a marriage counselor before you run out of “try”. Whatever it is you are doing is not working. They are not hearing you or you are not hearing them, etc. A qualified 3rd person may be able to be an unbiased voice and break the impasse. Try smarter, not harder. And if it isn’t meant to be, the counselor can help you come to terms with that and better prepare you for the next steps.

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Did your husband file? What makes divorce inevitable? Best thing you can do is consult an attorney and review your options. As well as get a therapist to help you navigate the emotional end of things.

everything I see and read says I'm doomed for divorce. Have been for a long time.
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If there is at least a small level of love left - and both people need to feel this way - yes, some marriages can be saved.

 

But you would have to post the whole story for me to be able to help and to determine if there is enough love left to continue. If the love is totally gone in either one of you, it usually cannot be built up again.

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If there is at least a small level of love left - and both people need to feel this way - yes, some marriages can be saved.

 

But you would have to post the whole story for me to be able to help and to determine if there is enough love left to continue. If the love is totally gone in either one of you, it usually cannot be built up again.

 

And if resentment is present, very challenging.

 

OP google John Gottman's The Four Horsemen

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Ok I have been reading a lot online about relationships marriage divorce etc and everything I see and read says I'm doomed for divorce. Have been for a long time.

At this point I'm trying to establish a big, go for broke kind of an effort. I want to look back one day and say that i gave a and tried.

 

.... why are you basing the status or future of your relationship on what you are reading online? Have you actually sat down and had a conversation with your significant other about ending your relationship? If you do truly believe you are doomed for divorce, why do you think a big go for broke effort will change anything?

 

If things have been a mess for a long period of time a go for broke effort will make no difference at all, and in fact will just add to the disappointment and resentment. Sustained change and building of trust takes a long time and a lot of effort and should be done with the help of a professional.

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Ok I have been reading a lot online about relationships marriage divorce etc and everything I see and read says I'm doomed for divorce. Have been for a long time.

At this point I'm trying to establish a big, go for broke kind of an effort. I want to look back one day and say that i gave a and tried.

 

Surely someone else has felt this way? Am I crazy? I don't really want to save anything at this point. I don't know why I'm doing this. It's like i am trying to prove to myself I'm the better person or something is that totally ed up or what?

 

No. Break ups- break you sometimes and when you aren't at your best you can't think straight.

 

I personally tried everything possible, probably long after it was dead just so I wouldn't look back someday and second guess my decision. I think regretting it for lifetime might have been worse or at least just as bad as ending it. Especially where the kids were concerned.

 

It pretty much cost me my sanity, but in the end, no regrets. At some point I recognized it was pointless, but I needed to make certain that I did everything I could so I would never risk looking back and wondering.

 

- And I never have.

 

You do what you feel you need to do.

(within reason, of course)

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Ok I have been reading a lot online about relationships marriage divorce etc and everything I see and read says I'm doomed for divorce. Have been for a long time.

At this point I'm trying to establish a big, go for broke kind of an effort. I want to look back one day and say that i gave a and tried.

 

Surely someone else has felt this way? Am I crazy? I don't really want to save anything at this point. I don't know why I'm doing this. It's like i am trying to prove to myself I'm the better person or something is that totally ed up or what?

 

It's good to be able to look back and know that you didn't fail for lack of trying. However, it's futile and destructive to attempt to prove that you're the better person. That's a killer of relationships right there.

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"At this point I'm trying to establish a big, go for broke kind of an effort. I want to look back one day and say that i gave a and tried."

- Go for broke, effort, tried..., am I missing something?

 

You offered nothing and left with the same.

 

Good point. OP expects to fail right out of the gate. Can there be any other outcome?

 

I see a lot of blame right there.

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