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Thread: Feel dumb for registering and posting

  1. #1

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    Feel dumb for registering and posting

    Ok I have been reading a lot online about relationships marriage divorce etc and everything I see and read says I'm doomed for divorce. Have been for a long time.
    At this point I'm trying to establish a big, go for broke kind of an effort. I want to look back one day and say that i gave a and tried.

    Surely someone else has felt this way? Am I crazy? I don't really want to save anything at this point. I don't know why I'm doing this. It's like i am trying to prove to myself I'm the better person or something is that totally ed up or what?

  2. #2
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    If interested in saving your marriage you'll have to give details.

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    My very general advice...

    In my observations, relationships are over when one of the two people run out of “try”. It sounds like you are near the end of your rope. My advice would be to bring in a marriage counselor before you run out of “try”. Whatever it is you are doing is not working. They are not hearing you or you are not hearing them, etc. A qualified 3rd person may be able to be an unbiased voice and break the impasse. Try smarter, not harder. And if it isn’t meant to be, the counselor can help you come to terms with that and better prepare you for the next steps.

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    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Did your husband file? What makes divorce inevitable? Best thing you can do is consult an attorney and review your options. As well as get a therapist to help you navigate the emotional end of things.
    Originally Posted by Sadmad37
    everything I see and read says I'm doomed for divorce. Have been for a long time.

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member IAmFCA's Avatar
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    A big, go for broke kind of effort is likely not a good idea. In a challenging relationship it often happens that neither person feels seen and heard. The effort well spent would to implement change that addresses one of your partner's concerns.

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    Gold Member Gary Snyder's Avatar
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    If there is at least a small level of love left - and both people need to feel this way - yes, some marriages can be saved.

    But you would have to post the whole story for me to be able to help and to determine if there is enough love left to continue. If the love is totally gone in either one of you, it usually cannot be built up again.

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    Platinum Member lostandhurt's Avatar
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    What are you really looking for? Permission to file for divorce or ideas to turn around what once was full of love and promise?

    Tell us the abbreviated story and we will help you all we can but ultimately it is up to you.

    Lost

  9. #8
    Platinum Member IAmFCA's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Gary Snyder
    If there is at least a small level of love left - and both people need to feel this way - yes, some marriages can be saved.

    But you would have to post the whole story for me to be able to help and to determine if there is enough love left to continue. If the love is totally gone in either one of you, it usually cannot be built up again.
    And if resentment is present, very challenging.

    OP google John Gottman's The Four Horsemen

  10. #9
    Gold Member Gary Snyder's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by IAmFCA
    And if resentment is present, very challenging.

    OP google John Gottman's The Four Horsemen
    - agreed. If there is too much resentment, there is no love anymore.

  11. #10
    Platinum Member maew's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Sadmad37
    Ok I have been reading a lot online about relationships marriage divorce etc and everything I see and read says I'm doomed for divorce. Have been for a long time.
    At this point I'm trying to establish a big, go for broke kind of an effort. I want to look back one day and say that i gave a and tried.
    .... why are you basing the status or future of your relationship on what you are reading online? Have you actually sat down and had a conversation with your significant other about ending your relationship? If you do truly believe you are doomed for divorce, why do you think a big go for broke effort will change anything?

    If things have been a mess for a long period of time a go for broke effort will make no difference at all, and in fact will just add to the disappointment and resentment. Sustained change and building of trust takes a long time and a lot of effort and should be done with the help of a professional.

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