Facebook share
LinkedIn share
Google plus share
Twitter plus share
Give Advice
Ask For Advice
Page 1 of 4 1234 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 35

Thread: Am I overthinking this?

  1. #1
    Gold Member Nebraskagirl14's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2012
    Location
    Lincoln, Nebraska
    Posts
    561

    Am I overthinking this?

    I have gone back and forth about whether to even ask this silly question because really no one can speculate but I would appreciate hearing your perspectives.

    Iím a lesbian. I recently started taking a class and the instructor is great! I love her classes. We are both teachers also. We have had quiet a few short conversations after class and I typically take the class with a couple of other friends that also happen to be gay and so the instructor knows Iím gay. We all thought she was gay also but she mentioned something about her husband in a conversation and so that was that. No big deal. Then last Friday, I walked out with her and we chatted for like half an hour after class and had some fun and she mentioned that her she and husband are actually separated. She said that we should exchange numbers and hang out sometime because itís hard to make friends around here. I agreed. Then, I left town for the weekend we didnít talk but it was her bday the other day so I text her happy bday that morning and that I would see her in class that evening. She text back at the end of the day and I replied but she didnít reply. Then after class, she left abruptly and said goodbye to me in a way that you say goodbye to someone when you want them to NOT talk to you afterward. I mean, hell, I can take a hint. We havenít spoken or text since. So, part of me is always like, okay, did something happen that I donít know about? Did she give me her number and then freak out about it? Is she scared that Iím gay and that perhaps I will hit on her? I mean, we both established that we arenít interested in dating and so I canít imagine that it would be that. Or am I just overthinking it and perhaps none of this has to do with me?

    Thanks!!

  2. #2
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2013
    Location
    Wilds of Texas
    Posts
    9,639
    Gender
    Female
    More likely she remembered her position and the fact that fraternizing with her students is completely unprofessional and off limits, especially current students taking her class right now. Seems like she remembered that barely in time too. Sounds like she might be at a low point in her life and she was likely honest that she is looking for friends, it's just that she can't pal around with her existing students. It's not ethical.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2016
    Posts
    8,760
    Originally Posted by Soulsister2010
    it was her bday the other day so I text her happy bday that morning and that I would see her in class that evening. She text back at the end of the day and I replied but she didnít reply.
    What did you say in your messages, exactly?

    Perhaps it was something in the content. Or perhaps her abruptness has nothing to do with you at all and she has other things on her mind.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2014
    Posts
    9,874
    Gender
    Female
    You both had different expectations. As you are explaining the scenario, you seemed to have some interest in her outside of just a friendship. You wouldn't have mentioned her orientation, had you not.
    She picked up on it and squashed it.
    Sorry.

  5.  

  6. #5
    Gold Member Nebraskagirl14's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2012
    Location
    Lincoln, Nebraska
    Posts
    561
    The class isnít academic lol! Itís a class at the gym!! So, NOT unethical!

  7. #6
    Gold Member Nebraskagirl14's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2012
    Location
    Lincoln, Nebraska
    Posts
    561
    Originally Posted by MissCanuck
    What did you say in your messages, exactly?

    Perhaps it was something in the content. Or perhaps her abruptness has nothing to do with you at all and she has other things on her mind.
    My messages were totally friendly. Happy Birthday. I hope I can make it to class tonight but I have a meeting. Then she responded and said she hopes I can make it to her Friday class if not tonight. I responded and said, nothing could keep my from Friday class as itís my favorite and I joked that I heard one of the songs from our class while out of town and started dancing in the store. That was it.

  8. #7
    Gold Member Nebraskagirl14's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2012
    Location
    Lincoln, Nebraska
    Posts
    561
    Originally Posted by reinventmyself
    You both had different expectations. As you are explaining the scenario, you seemed to have some interest in her outside of just a friendship. You wouldn't have mentioned her orientation, had you not.
    She picked up on it and squashed it.
    Sorry.
    Ummm... I have done and said nothing that would give her that idea. And she is the one that asked for my number on Friday. And then we had no conversation between Friday and Monday so what would she have picked up on again?

  9. #8
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2013
    Location
    Wilds of Texas
    Posts
    9,639
    Gender
    Female
    Originally Posted by Soulsister2010
    The class isnít academic lol! Itís a class at the gym!! So, NOT unethical!
    Sorry, but still unethical. It's still a professional situation and fraternizing with students might be against her work policies and even personal policies. Literally case in point - things can get very awkward very fast.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2014
    Posts
    9,874
    Gender
    Female
    Originally Posted by Soulsister2010
    Ummm... I have done and said nothing that would give her that idea. And she is the one that asked for my number on Friday. And then we had no conversation between Friday and Monday so what would she have picked up on again?
    I picked up on it. Why wouldn't she?

  11. #10
    Gold Member Nebraskagirl14's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2012
    Location
    Lincoln, Nebraska
    Posts
    561

    Am I overthinking this?

    Originally Posted by DancingFool
    Sorry, but still unethical. It's still a professional situation and fraternizing with students might be against her work policies and even personal policies. Literally case in point - things can get very awkward very fast.
    Perhaps. And truth be told, I am okay not hanging out also. I just kind of didnít get why she asked for my number and then seemed to not want to talk to me. It was all very weird. I am an extrovert. Very open, friendly, etc. I think she is an introvert. I guess I just would hate for someone to be afraid to hang out with me because they think I would have a boundary issue which I wouldnít.

Page 1 of 4 1234 LastLast

Give Advice
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •