Facebook share
LinkedIn share
Google plus share
Twitter plus share
Give Advice
Ask For Advice
Page 3 of 4 FirstFirst 1234 LastLast
Results 21 to 30 of 35

Thread: Am I overthinking this?

  1. #21
    Gold Member Nebraskagirl14's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2012
    Location
    Lincoln, Nebraska
    Posts
    553
    Originally Posted by LC8328
    It could even have to do with something else completely. For instance, she could have found out that her friend's dog is sick and she has to help them take the dog to the vet... or she's stressed that her car is breaking down... or or or or. I know for me, when I'm stressed about something...it's hard for me to communicate with people because I can't get outside of my head for a while. So it could be as simple as that.
    Thank you, LC8328!!! That is really helpful and very true.

  2. #22
    Platinum Member Jibralta's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2016
    Posts
    4,332
    Gender
    Female
    Originally Posted by Soulsister2010
    IOr am I just overthinking it and perhaps none of this has to do with me?
    Here's another possibility. You are an extrovert, and it is your natural disposition to be friendly. But more introverted people can misinterpret or question that friendliness because it doesn't come as naturally to them.

    For example, there's a guy at my job who likes to stop by my desk to chat. A lot. I (being more introverted) don't make a whole lot of effort to engage other people unless there is some attraction involved. So, when this guy sort of bombed me with all of this attention, I thought, "Oh no. This guy likes me." You wouldn't believe the stress it caused me. Whenever I thought he was going to approach my desk, I'd get up and find somewhere else to be.

    It was really stupid.

    BUT I got over it. I calmed myself down, talked myself off the ledge. I no longer think this guy is after me. I actually really like him now.

    I'd like to say that this change in my mentality was due to my rational mind overtaking the reactive side of my brain. But, to be honest, it helped to find out that he was engaged.

    I'm this ridiculous with women, too. In fact, there's a girl at my job who is super friendly and social. She comes by my desk all the time just to say "hi" and ask how I am. And I chitchat, but the whole time I'm thinking, "Who cares how I am?? Why is this girl always asking me how I am??? Is she hitting on me????"

    It's really stupid. But the point is, my ridiculous responses have nothing to do with the people who are being nice to me. I just have weird hang ups and can't cope properly sometimes. But I am aware, and I do get over it.

    I think if you give your friend some time and space, she will get over whatever it is, too.

    One other thing.... Add me to the list of people who got the impression that you had a romantic interest in your instructor. After your exchange with Reinvent, I had to go back and re-read your first post to figure out why. I think it's the fact that your opening statement was, "I'm a lesbian," which has nothing to do with anything but sexual preference. So, from there, I assumed you had a romantic interest in your instructor. Then there was the "she's not gay, she has a husband....but they're separated!" Then you closed with "Is it because I'm gay?"

    Even though you didn't say outright that you are interested in this woman, perhaps that sentiment shone through and drove her off a bit.

  3. #23
    Gold Member Nebraskagirl14's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2012
    Location
    Lincoln, Nebraska
    Posts
    553

    Am I overthinking this?

    Originally Posted by Jibralta
    Here's another possibility. You are an extrovert, and it is your natural disposition to be friendly. But more introverted people can misinterpret or question that friendliness because it doesn't come as naturally to them.

    For example, there's a guy at my job who likes to stop by my desk to chat. A lot. I (being more introverted) don't make a whole lot of effort to engage other people unless there is some attraction involved. So, when this guy sort of bombed me with all of this attention, I thought, "Oh no. This guy likes me." You wouldn't believe the stress it caused me. Whenever I thought he was going to approach my desk, I'd get up and find somewhere else to be.

    It was really stupid.

    BUT I got over it. I calmed myself down, talked myself off the ledge. I no longer think this guy is after me. I actually really like him now.

    I'd like to say that this change in my mentality was due to my rational mind overtaking the reactive side of my brain. But, to be honest, it helped to find out that he was engaged.

    I'm this ridiculous with women, too. In fact, there's a girl at my job who is super friendly and social. She comes by my desk all the time just to say "hi" and ask how I am. And I chitchat, but the whole time I'm thinking, "Who cares how I am?? Why is this girl always asking me how I am??? Is she hitting on me????"

    It's really stupid. But the point is, my ridiculous responses have nothing to do with the people who are being nice to me. I just have weird hang ups and can't cope properly sometimes. But I am aware, and I do get over it.

    I think if you give your friend some time and space, she will get over whatever it is, too.

    One other thing.... Add me to the list of people who got the impression that you had a romantic interest in your instructor. After your exchange with Reinvent, I had to go back and re-read your first post to figure out why. I think it's the fact that your opening statement was, "I'm a lesbian," which has nothing to do with anything but sexual preference. So, from there, I assumed you had a romantic interest in your instructor. Then there was the "she's not gay, she has a husband....but they're separated!" Then you closed with "Is it because I'm gay?"

    Even though you didn't say outright that you are interested in this woman, perhaps that sentiment shone through and drove her off a bit.
    Thank you, Jibralta!! All great points!!! Yes, I can see how it seemed like I was after her. I wonít lie. I find her attractive but the details I was giving were more to lay the foundation of the fact that I wondered if I freaked her out because she knows that Iím gay. Then again, someone that I freaked out wouldnít be like, ďMy husband and I are separated and hey, letís hang out!Ē So I didnít get the impression that she was weirded out until after class on Monday but again, I could be making that up. You are totally right about the introvert/extrovert thing. I donít tend to rub introverts the wrong way that I know of but I think you are spot on with just giving her space. I think that is the total solution as space will reassure her that I am NOT after her if that is what she is thinking which, again, I have NO IDEA if she is! I loved your stories by the way of thinking people are hitting on you. I can totally see how you would think that. Frankly, even I, as an extrovert, would think that too. I have class with her on Friday and I think I will just say a quick goodbye rather than try to chat her up.

  4. #24
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2016
    Posts
    8,742
    Originally Posted by Soulsister2010
    Yes, but I explained the situation thoroughly here and in far more detail than we have ever interacted. So, okay, just to play devilís advocate, letís say youíre right. That isnít what I wanted to communicate to her, however. I donít want to date her!! But letís say she is unsure of my intentions and so she has backed off. What would you suggest I do? I guess I feel that just not contacting her would be the best way to go at this point. Then she will get that Iím not trying to pursue her if she even thinks that.
    Are you sure about that?

    That's not how your posts here read, anyway.

  5.  

  6. #25
    Platinum Member Jibralta's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2016
    Posts
    4,332
    Gender
    Female
    Originally Posted by Soulsister2010
    I donít tend to rub introverts the wrong way that I know of but I think you are spot on with just giving her space.
    I don't necessarily think you rub introverts the wrong way. We just react differently to attention and there may be a slight 'pulling away' period, especially as we get closer to people. So, it may not actually be all gloom and doom. Just readjustment.

    Similarly, the fact that you find her somewhat attractive may be making you more sensitive to this behavior. Under ordinary circumstances, where you are not attracted to someone but simply like them, you might not pick up on it at all.

  7. #26
    Gold Member Nebraskagirl14's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2012
    Location
    Lincoln, Nebraska
    Posts
    553
    Originally Posted by MissCanuck
    Are you sure about that?

    That's not how your posts here read, anyway.
    I think sheís attractive but I donít even know her.

  8. #27
    Gold Member Nebraskagirl14's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2012
    Location
    Lincoln, Nebraska
    Posts
    553
    Originally Posted by Jibralta
    I don't necessarily think you rub introverts the wrong way. We just react differently to attention and there may be a slight 'pulling away' period, especially as we get closer to people. So, it may not actually be all gloom and doom. Just readjustment.

    Similarly, the fact that you find her somewhat attractive may be making you more sensitive to this behavior. Under ordinary circumstances, where you are not attracted to someone but simply like them, you might not pick up on it at all.
    Thatís very true, Ms. J!!

  9. #28
    Platinum Member maew's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2017
    Posts
    1,385
    Sometimes when people separate after a long term relationship it can be a confusing, vulnerable and strange time when it comes to friendships and intimacy. I can generally sense when someone (male or female) is attracted to me... my guess is that she could too... and was afraid of things escalating and having to deal with an awkward situation.

    If you just back off and give her space I am sure she will relax and be comfortable around you again.

  10. #29
    Gold Member Nebraskagirl14's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2012
    Location
    Lincoln, Nebraska
    Posts
    553
    Originally Posted by maew
    Sometimes when people separate after a long term relationship it can be a confusing, vulnerable and strange time when it comes to friendships and intimacy. I can generally sense when someone (male or female) is attracted to me... my guess is that she could too... and was afraid of things escalating and having to deal with an awkward situation.

    If you just back off and give her space I am sure she will relax and be comfortable around you again.
    Thank you, Maew-

    I completely agree. I have totally backed off. I mean, there was no actual ďonĒ but I havenít pursued conversations with her. I figure she is probably also going through stuff and it could be confusing. To be frank, I was actually a little nervous about us hanging out because I do think she is attractive and I donít want to get myself into a situation where I have feelings for her and then that would be really awkward also. That isnít where I want this to go. I donít want to be in a relationship right now regardless of whether she is straight or bi or unsure and it doesnít sound like she does either but these things can start to take on a life of their own and I donít want it to go there.

  11. #30
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Location
    New Jersey
    Posts
    21,953
    Gender
    Female
    Originally Posted by Soulsister2010
    okay, did something happen that I donít know about?
    Sure, obviously, and you don't know about it because you don't know her all that well. And odds are that it has zero to do with you.

    Haven't you ever been in a rush, and despite the love you have for your friends, you've needed to fly past inquiry--because you're in a rush?

    I'd take some deep cleansing breaths and look forward to seeing your new friend next class. On some days she'll have the free time to socialize with you, and others she'll need to plow forward with a wave and some dust left behind.

    Same as you, same as anyone, at some point.

    Head high, and don't personalize stuff that is most likely not personal.

Page 3 of 4 FirstFirst 1234 LastLast

Give Advice
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •