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She thinks I’m 35, I’m 38. She’s 25


Jack3d

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I don’t see this as much of an age difference but, I think she does. We met on a dating site. My profile has a glitch where my age really won’t update no matter how many times I try to change my birth date. I’m usually straight forward about it but she brought it up immediately saying that she was a little concerned about the 10 year age gap. Now we get along great and are extremely compatible. We’ve only gone out once and have plans for another date this weekend. How do I be honest and let her know my real age without running her off? I don’t want to come off as a liar or that I’m hiding something bad. I’m 38, but can pass for about 28-31 most times anyway. Any help is appreciated!

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There is no guarantee she won't run off. But it will be worse if you ended up longterm, and she found out your real age, which she will. By then you would have invested so much time, possibly fallen in love, and then it will hurt even more that she dumps you because who wants to be with a liar?

 

I don't know why she even bothered on one date if she had reservations. When I did OLD, I had a clear age gap limit and rejected dating anyone outside of my limits. And you could add a blurb in your profile explaining your age and how the site won't let you change it. If you look at statistics, the larger the age gap, the higher risk of failure. Let her know before you go on the date your actual age. If she agrees, and if it leads to more dates, make sure she comes to feel confident in being with you. IMO, I would never be with someone who doesn't have 100 percent confidence in dating me. Good luck.

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Ten years is quite a gap. Completely different generations. 13 years..man. I'm thinking: I'm 48. I'm dating, and someone tells me he's 58. That's already kind of uuuhmmm not quite sure. Then I find out he's actually 61.

 

Personally I wouldn't (hypothetically as I'm married) go for someone more than 5 years older than myself, for a LTR I mean. The two people HAVE to be of the same generation, which with 13 years between you.. you're certainly not. My husband's 51. That's kind of perfect for me. My age, or three years older/younger.

 

So I wouldn't be surprised if she couldn't deal. Have to be honest with you, when I was 25.. even 30 seemed like OMG, he is SO OLD.

 

You need to tell her asap..

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You should have been upfront about your age with her from the get-go.

 

Why didn’t you state your actual age in the written portion of your profile (the bio/write-up) then?

 

Maybe I’m just cynical, but whenever a guy has confessed his real age to me after the fact, and has said there was a “glitch” with the online dating website or app when calculating their age, I just don’t buy it.

 

I guess it doesn’t help that a fair amount of men have admitted (to me) to lying about their age to attract a younger crowd.

 

Regardless, in terms of your situation, you can’t control how she will react, but best that you tell her sooner rather than later.

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Here's what you do. You send her a text—basically right now—telling her the truth. Make it light but straightforward: "Hey, I had such a great time with you, and am really looking forward to this weekend. Here's the thing: I'm 38, not 35. Thanks to some glitch in my app my date of birth doesn't update—which, yeah, I realize sounds absurd but it's the truth. I genuinely didn't mean to mislead in any way, and really hope this isn't a dealbreaker."

 

And here's what you do next: figure out this "glitch," or at least put something like "actually 38" in your freaking profile until the mystery is solved. Because buddy? Sincere as you may be, this reads as "game," and some very weak game at that, especially if you're setting age parameters to allow for the potential of women 13 years your junior.

 

No judgement there. I'm 39, have dated 10, 12 years younger. We can hash out the pluses and (severe) minuses to all that over beers some day. But if that's the pool you want to try to swim in, you can't dive in sideways.

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A glitch? Really? I just had a birthday and my age on OLD changed right away. It’s funny I’ve noticed 2-3 guys who mentioned they were one age on the top of their profile then said below in their description that they were older, I think because they want to attract younger women? Personally I think it’s shady. I had one guy say he was 47 above and 57 in his description. I mean, at least he told me up front but it was very confusing and weird to put two different ages, I’d prefer for someone to give their older, real age because at least they are being HONEST.

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A glitch? Really? I just had a birthday and my age on OLD changed right away. It’s funny I’ve noticed 2-3 guys who mentioned they were one age on the top of their profile then said below in their description that they were older, I think because they want to attract younger women? Personally I think it’s shady. I had one guy say he was 47 above and 57 in his description. I mean, at least he told me up front but it was very confusing and weird to put two different ages, I’d prefer for someone to give their older, real age because at least they are being HONEST.

 

It's just a way to get past women's filters thinking that once she sees their "youthful" appearance and charm, she will totally overlook her age boundaries....because you know....age is just a number and besides.....they are really sooooo much younger than their actual age.......life is just so unfair, you know. How dare these younger women discriminate like that and not want to date grandpa.....

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It's just a way to get past women's filters thinking that once she sees their "youthful" appearance and charm, she will totally overlook her age boundaries....because you know....age is just a number and besides.....they are really sooooo much younger than their actual age.......life is just so unfair, you know. How dare these younger women discriminate like that and not want to date grandpa.....

 

hahahahah this is so on point... I have had this happen both ways... encountered people setting their age lower or higher in order to get past age filters. It's one of the oldest tricks in the book. I find it super annoying because I set age filters for a reason... to me, age is not just a number... it isn't everything but it does generally tell me something about where they are at in life, physical health, and emotional maturity.

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Don't use the dating site glitch story. Just be honest and state you feel and think you look younger and hoped to include a younger group of women. If you use that story she'll worry more about lying than ages.

she brought it up immediately saying that she was a little concerned about the 10 year age gap. I’m 38, but can pass for about 28-31 most times anyway. Any help is appreciated!
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'But if that's the pool you want to try to swim in, you can't dive in sideways'

 

BC..I'll remember this expression and WILL shamelessly use it as my own. Brilliantly said, as usual.

 

Blush emoji. Giggle emoji.

 

In fairness—or, well, in some half cousin to fairness—I think it's kind of accepted that women fudge their age a bit out there in the wilds of romance. Like, I have a dear female friend who managed the miraculous feat of being 35 for, I think, 5 years. And I remember a hilarious moment when she was dating someone younger than her who wanted to fly her somewhere, but, gulp, to book the tickets he needed her birthdate.

 

She called me asking for advice, to which I said: you're awesome, you're hot, be honest, he'll just laugh. And if he doesn't? Well, he sucks. He did laugh—because, well, her "deception" is more culturally accepted.

 

Still, not all is fair in the pursuit of love and lust—and thank god for that. Which is to say, again: OP? If you're still listening? If this really is a "glitch" the quick remedy is writing "actually 38" under 35 and seeing how that honey works on the bears you're hoping to trap. Better yet, fix this "glitch" that you alone among millions have been plagued by.

 

There are, I assure you, 25 yr old women more than down to hang with a 38 yr old man. But take heed from this fellow traveler who has some pruned fingers (if also some great stories and good times) from playing Marco Polo in that pool: swim too long in shallow waters and you risk looking shallow to, you know, your actual peers. Let's just say that "My last girlfriend was 25" is not the cutest line to the over-30 set.

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I have seen all kinds of profiles where someone says "My age is not correct, there was some kind of problem when I entered it and now I cannot change it" "My age is actually _____"

 

When I see that I know when they started on the site they shaved years off their age and then when they started meeting people they had to fess up so they went back and put a disclaimer on their profile.

 

I talked to one woman who did it intentionally. She told me she uses the younger age to get the guys to her profile and hopes when they are there they will like her pictures and profile so much that they will not care about the disclaimer age.

 

If you do not know how to tell the truth I recommend you text her so you don't have to deal with her walking out of your next date when you do finally get up the nerve. What ever you do, don't insult her with the whole "I can't correct my age" story you told us. That will just make it worse.

 

Put the disclaimer on your profile or delete your profile and make a new one.

 

Lost

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I have seen all kinds of profiles where someone says "My age is not correct, there was some kind of problem when I entered it and now I cannot change it" "My age is actually _____"

 

When I see that I know when they started on the site they shaved years off their age and then when they started meeting people they had to fess up so they went back and put a disclaimer on their profile.

 

I talked to one woman who did it intentionally. She told me she uses the younger age to get the guys to her profile and hopes when they are there they will like her pictures and profile so much that they will not care about the disclaimer age.

 

I think in general people that put the wrong age in OLD do so for exactly this reason... whether they have a disclaimer or not, I find it extremely off putting... because it's shady and misleading and because it makes them look insecure and/or arrogant.

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Here's the thing:

 

All the sites ask for the exact same thing, the first time you create a profile: Your exact birthdate. The sites do not have "glitches". You purposely entered your birth year wrong.

 

That's actually kind of hard to do. Think of your own birthdate right now, and enter it, but incorrectly. With as many times as we enter our birthdates on forms these days, one actually has to think about the incorrect response.

 

It's like back in the days when we tried to get into clubs, underage, using someone else's ID. The bouncer very quickly asks you both your age AND birth year, and you get kicked out. It's hard to think that quickly, incorrectly.

 

Own up to the fact that this was a LIE, not a "glitch".

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If she ends it, that's her right. Not every woman is okay with dating someone that much older.

 

I recall some man going to court because he wanted his age to reflect how he felt he looked. He was 50 something and wanted his birth certificate to be changed to 30 something.

 

LMAO...um, no. We all age, deal with it.

 

FYI, he also lost his case.

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It's just a way to get past women's filters thinking that once she sees their "youthful" appearance and charm, she will totally overlook her age boundaries....because you know....age is just a number and besides.....they are really sooooo much younger than their actual age.......life is just so unfair, you know. How dare these younger women discriminate like that and not want to date grandpa.....

 

I know, I love when guys say, “I’m 38, but I look 28.” Like, I’ll be the judge of that! Lol

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