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Thread: She thinks Iím 35, Iím 38. Sheís 25

  1. #1
    Bronze Member Jack3d's Avatar
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    She thinks Iím 35, Iím 38. Sheís 25

    I donít see this as much of an age difference but, I think she does. We met on a dating site. My profile has a glitch where my age really wonít update no matter how many times I try to change my birth date. Iím usually straight forward about it but she brought it up immediately saying that she was a little concerned about the 10 year age gap. Now we get along great and are extremely compatible. Weíve only gone out once and have plans for another date this weekend. How do I be honest and let her know my real age without running her off? I donít want to come off as a liar or that Iím hiding something bad. Iím 38, but can pass for about 28-31 most times anyway. Any help is appreciated!

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    The more you postpone it, the bigger the lie. Better tell her now imo.

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    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
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    There is no guarantee she won't run off. But it will be worse if you ended up longterm, and she found out your real age, which she will. By then you would have invested so much time, possibly fallen in love, and then it will hurt even more that she dumps you because who wants to be with a liar?

    I don't know why she even bothered on one date if she had reservations. When I did OLD, I had a clear age gap limit and rejected dating anyone outside of my limits. And you could add a blurb in your profile explaining your age and how the site won't let you change it. If you look at statistics, the larger the age gap, the higher risk of failure. Let her know before you go on the date your actual age. If she agrees, and if it leads to more dates, make sure she comes to feel confident in being with you. IMO, I would never be with someone who doesn't have 100 percent confidence in dating me. Good luck.

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    Definitely tell her the truth. It probably wonít matter, but her finding out later could cause unnecessary trust issues. You got this!

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    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    a glitch....lmao....smh....dude come on.

    Just tell her asap. As the ever so wise dias already pointed out, the longer you hide, the bigger the lie becomes and the more it will damage you.

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    Bronze Member Jack3d's Avatar
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    I get what everyone is saying. I already plan to tell her and be upfront and honest. I just canít figure out how to do it.

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    Ten years is quite a gap. Completely different generations. 13 years..man. I'm thinking: I'm 48. I'm dating, and someone tells me he's 58. That's already kind of uuuhmmm not quite sure. Then I find out he's actually 61.

    Personally I wouldn't (hypothetically as I'm married) go for someone more than 5 years older than myself, for a LTR I mean. The two people HAVE to be of the same generation, which with 13 years between you.. you're certainly not. My husband's 51. That's kind of perfect for me. My age, or three years older/younger.

    So I wouldn't be surprised if she couldn't deal. Have to be honest with you, when I was 25.. even 30 seemed like OMG, he is SO OLD.

    You need to tell her asap..

  9. #8
    Bronze Member Jack3d's Avatar
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    Iím def not in this to lie. Not my style at all.

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    You should have been upfront about your age with her from the get-go.

    Why didnít you state your actual age in the written portion of your profile (the bio/write-up) then?

    Maybe Iím just cynical, but whenever a guy has confessed his real age to me after the fact, and has said there was a ďglitchĒ with the online dating website or app when calculating their age, I just donít buy it.

    I guess it doesnít help that a fair amount of men have admitted (to me) to lying about their age to attract a younger crowd.

    Regardless, in terms of your situation, you canít control how she will react, but best that you tell her sooner rather than later.
    Last edited by milly007; 02-13-2019 at 11:13 AM.

  11. #10
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    Here's what you do. You send her a textóbasically right nowótelling her the truth. Make it light but straightforward: "Hey, I had such a great time with you, and am really looking forward to this weekend. Here's the thing: I'm 38, not 35. Thanks to some glitch in my app my date of birth doesn't updateówhich, yeah, I realize sounds absurd but it's the truth. I genuinely didn't mean to mislead in any way, and really hope this isn't a dealbreaker."

    And here's what you do next: figure out this "glitch," or at least put something like "actually 38" in your freaking profile until the mystery is solved. Because buddy? Sincere as you may be, this reads as "game," and some very weak game at that, especially if you're setting age parameters to allow for the potential of women 13 years your junior.

    No judgement there. I'm 39, have dated 10, 12 years younger. We can hash out the pluses and (severe) minuses to all that over beers some day. But if that's the pool you want to try to swim in, you can't dive in sideways.

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