Boyfriends best friend not OK with us dating (we used to sleep together)

To fully understand the situation I need to give a backstory, I meet my (now) boyfriend (let's call him Paul) and his best friend (lets call him John) when we were all staying at the same backpackers. that night i hooked up with john. I had my friend with me aswell (lets call her Lisa)

Lisa and i soon discovered that Paul and John lived very close to us. the four of us became very good friends and hung out nearly every weekend. John and I slept together on and off over the course of the year, but never spoke unless i was at their house (john and paul lived together). Lisa and paul began sleeping together and became very close (both physically and emotionally) then she had to move back to her home country. during this time paul and i had become very good friends, then about 4 months past without john, paul and i hanging out (i moved 2 hours away) john and i never spoke throughout this time and would just have small talk when i went to visit paul (i considered him one of my best friends) during the time between john and i no longer sleeping together and paul and i finally deciding to start a relationship, i spent a bit of time with paul and we would sleep in the same bed platonically. after a few months we realised we had feelings for each other and then decided to get together.

when paul told john we were now together, john was fairly angry and didnt talk to paul for a while.

they are talking now and still hangout, but john deleted me off facebook and i have seen or heard from him. I've tried speak to paul about it but he doesnt say much.

in my opinion i think that john is being petty about the whole situation and his reaction stemmed from somewhere else ( he was seeing someone in the months before paul and got together and it didnt work out)

There are a few notes I need to make:

between the time of John and I no longer sleeping together and Paul and I deciding to date, John would make comments about how cute we were together and say thing like (you should date and i hope you get married one day)

John and I were never in a commited relationship, it was purely physical and neither of us had feelings for each other

Paul and I were always much closer then john and i on an emotional and friendship level.

what i would like to know is, if john never had feelings for me then why did he get angry when paul told him we were dating? and why is he still not ok with it? paul and i have been together for nearly 5 months now and everyone thinks we are good together, paul and johns friends, even my friend who (sort of) dated paul)

do you think john's reaction is justified?

what can i do or say in order to resolve this, i dont want to lose my boyfriend, but i also dont want him to lose a friend.

i worry that john will try to make paul choose between me and him.

Eh, it's territorial. It's not even necessarily about you, as a person, but him not actually being okay with his best buddy sleeping with the same girl he once did.

There's nothing you can do about John's feelings. He can feel however he wants. The damage done to Paul and John's friendship is theirs to worry about. If Paul really wants to be with you, it's the risk he assumes. You can't really do anything to resolve this. Anything you try to say to John is likely to make the whole thing a lot more awkward. Let them figure it out between themselves.

In the future, I would avoid dating within the same friend group. It usually gets too complicated, as you're seeing.

I agree with everything MissCanuck said.

John is entitled to his feelings. The relationship between John and Paul is theirs to work out. Paul would have been wise to speak to John before the two of you got too involved to demonstrate respect and consideration of John’s feelings... but... that’s done now. Anything you say or do about the situation will only make it worse.

The answer, as MissCanuck pointed out, is to avoid dating in the same friend group.

All you can do now is to ensure NOT to throw your relationship in John’s face too much and hope it blows over.

The way you describe it you went from eating pasta to eating tacos and are puzzled that the food is upset.

Is it possible that the men in your life feel less neutral about things than yourself?

Why are you looking for reasons to invalidate what John is feeling? If you are truly his friend, then try practicing some empathy and compassion for him instead of dismissing his feelings.

It's naive to think that no feelings would develop between you after hanging out and sleeping together pretty much every weekend for months. I wonder if your reaction to this stems from a little bit of guilt that you were bothered to some degree by what you were doing.

This is why the term "bros before hoes" was coined. What do you really expect when you decide to swap a guy for his best friend?

I don't think John is petty - you were sleeping with him for a year off and on and now are in a relationship with his best bud and roommate just like that with no fair warning.

I mean, its not some guy he was close with and their lives drifted apart -- they basically paired up with you and your friend for sex and then when the friend was gone you moved in on Paul.

John's comments about being cute together could have been defensive comments as well or could have been fishing comments.

ithink if you wanted to be adult about it, Paul should have mentioned something to John before the relationship was official or he decided to make a move, sort of the "hey, Me and X are really close. I know you guys have a past and so i wanted to just say something before I decided to date her just so you are not blindsided."

Oh wow, you dated two friends. That's a no-no - it often breaks up the friendship. There is a saying - bros before hoes.