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TheD87

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Havent been on here in a while but wanted some advice.

 

My wife and I have been married a little over a year. We are both young professionals and do alright, but money is tight because of student loans, mortgage, saving for a kid, our dogs, etc. On top of that, my wife is pretty over bearing about finances, she watches all our accounts and makes comments anytime I spend money even as simple as if I go to lunch too much at work. We've had conversations about how that makes me feel and she has worked on it and is getting better.

 

She used to see a therapist to deal with stress and her bad relationship with her mom in particular. She is starting to get stressed by her mom again (who has addiction to pills issues) and told me she wants to go back to her therapist. However her therapist has switched jobs and now considers herself a life coach and her sessions are no longer covered by our insurance. She asked me today if she could do a training with her old therapist and 10 sessions, I asked her how much and she said $1800. I told her I'm not sure how that would fit in our budget and asked if she could ask for a referral to someone else our insurance covers. I mean we could probably afford it but we have been saving for a new house, for a kid, etc and would put us back.

 

Now I'm feeling bad about asking if she could see someone else and she didnt seem to like that answer. Am I being unreasonable?

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Reframe the question so that you two are on the same side. Your financial goals are shared goals, your desire for her to heal and protect her emotional health, that also is a shared goal.

 

How long would it take to replace the 1800? No need to answer here. That answer might be a way to envision its impact.

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It's a tough call.

 

As someone who is a certified life / career coach and has one of my own, I think coaching is an invaluable self-improvement tool. It's different from therapy in that sessions are focused on actions, solutions, and looking towards their future vision.

 

That all being said... I don't think you are being unreasonable about this so much as a little bit fear and anxiety driven at shelling out so much money. Is her coach flexible when it comes to payment plans? .

 

I also agree with what IAMFCA said... find out what your shared goals are and work towards those.

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Havent been on here in a while but wanted some advice.

 

My wife and I have been married a little over a year. We are both young professionals and do alright, but money is tight because of student loans, mortgage, saving for a kid, our dogs, etc. On top of that, my wife is pretty over bearing about finances, she watches all our accounts and makes comments anytime I spend money even as simple as if I go to lunch too much at work. We've had conversations about how that makes me feel and she has worked on it and is getting better.

 

She used to see a therapist to deal with stress and her bad relationship with her mom in particular. She is starting to get stressed by her mom again (who has addiction to pills issues) and told me she wants to go back to her therapist. However her therapist has switched jobs and now considers herself a life coach and her sessions are no longer covered by our insurance. She asked me today if she could do a training with her old therapist and 10 sessions, I asked her how much and she said $1800. I told her I'm not sure how that would fit in our budget and asked if she could ask for a referral to someone else our insurance covers. I mean we could probably afford it but we have been saving for a new house, for a kid, etc and would put us back.

 

Now I'm feeling bad about asking if she could see someone else and she didnt seem to like that answer. Am I being unreasonable?

Have you guys ever heard of Dave Ramsey? He is a self made multimillionaire who specializes in getting people out of debt. My wife and I are actually taking one of his courses rightnow. Its one night a week for about 2 months or so. And in only 2 classes, we have learned so much about budgeting and getting our if debt! You should really check it out. Financialpeace.com
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I think you need to talk more whether this therapist is going to really be beneficial or not to your wife. As already pointed out, the approach between therapy and coaching is different, so she wouldn't be getting the same approach that maybe worked for her before. At the same time, new approach might be way better. It's more about going for the right reasons rather than just out of familiarity. The real issue with therapy is that it's not that simple to replace one with another like you can a GP doctor. Therapy can be highly personal and for it to work, you need to find the right fit.

 

It really comes down to what's your wife's health and mental/emotional stability worth? Hint: health is more important than house.

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Havent been on here in a while but wanted some advice.

 

My wife and I have been married a little over a year. We are both young professionals and do alright, but money is tight because of student loans, mortgage, saving for a kid, our dogs, etc. On top of that, my wife is pretty over bearing about finances, she watches all our accounts and makes comments anytime I spend money even as simple as if I go to lunch too much at work. We've had conversations about how that makes me feel and she has worked on it and is getting better.

 

She used to see a therapist to deal with stress and her bad relationship with her mom in particular. She is starting to get stressed by her mom again (who has addiction to pills issues) and told me she wants to go back to her therapist. However her therapist has switched jobs and now considers herself a life coach and her sessions are no longer covered by our insurance. She asked me today if she could do a training with her old therapist and 10 sessions, I asked her how much and she said $1800. I told her I'm not sure how that would fit in our budget and asked if she could ask for a referral to someone else our insurance covers. I mean we could probably afford it but we have been saving for a new house, for a kid, etc and would put us back.

 

Now I'm feeling bad about asking if she could see someone else and she didnt seem to like that answer. Am I being unreasonable?

 

Sometimes in a relationship you have to think professionally and not emotionally. From where I sit it looks perfectly reasonable. But then again I didn't have to see the look on your wife's face. Discussions about money are always fraught with danger. I suspect it's one of the top reasons people break up.

 

From what you said it sounds like when she's going to therapy the money issue isn't as intense, or at least manageable. There's also the issue of her well being. There is no 'probably' could afford it. You can, or you can't. Balance that with what's at stake here. Ultimately the decision between you two. It sucks to have a new unanticipated cost. But that's life, and it will always be life. Remember the vow 'In good times, and bad'. Your call.

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I'd be much more concerned about giving $1800 to a lady who was evidently licensed or had enough credentials to be covered by insurance plans, only to give that up to have "life coach" be her job title. Why not just add coaching services? Especially if you're looking to retain clients who were coming to her for therapy anyway. I get there may be a couple decent reasons one would, but I'd take that $1800 and bet it against hers being voluntary.

 

Regardless, I do think your wife should at least consider a referral. Firstly, giving this "life coach" the benefit of assuming she is indeed changing trajectories and not simply providing the same service but with a title which accurately reflects her credentials, it may be that your wife may actually still need therapy. Second, it doesn't have to be an ultimatum. While people are correct that therapists don't just fall from the sky, never mind one that you click with personally, if this life coach can provide a referral within your network, I see no harm in testing the waters and ultimately forking over the $1800 if it happens not to be sufficient.

 

Rainy days can come as anything between a drizzle or a monsoon. There's only so much you can financially prepare or anticipate, and ultimately, if you don't need to spend $1800, you probably shouldn't spend it. Seeing if a covered referral can serve his or her purpose would go much further in seeing whether that $1800 does indeed need spending. Speaking personally, I go through some periods I feel like my PTSD may be more difficult to manage and proactively seek therapy. If I get good enough services from that particular VA, I stick with that even it means I wouldn't necessarily see myself having a beer with them. If it's truly crap, which is has been a couple times, I put the necessary money into the private market.

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I'd be much more concerned about giving $1800 to a lady who was evidently licensed or had enough credentials to be covered by insurance plans, only to give that up to have "life coach" be her job title. Why not just add coaching services? Especially if you're looking to retain clients who were coming to her for therapy anyway. I get there may be a couple decent reasons one would, but I'd take that $1800 and bet it against hers being voluntary.

 

Regardless, I do think your wife should at least consider a referral. Firstly, giving this "life coach" the benefit of assuming she is indeed changing trajectories and not simply providing the same service but with a title which accurately reflects her credentials, it may be that your wife may actually still need therapy. Second, it doesn't have to be an ultimatum. While people are correct that therapists don't just fall from the sky, never mind one that you click with personally, if this life coach can provide a referral within your network, I see no harm in testing the waters and ultimately forking over the $1800 if it happens not to be sufficient.

 

Sorry, but life coaches make way more money. Therapists by comparison make peanuts, not to be confused with psychiatrists who are MD's. If she is really good, it actually makes financial sense for her to strike out in that direction rather than keep plugging away as a therapist.

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Have you guys ever heard of Dave Ramsey? He is a self made multimillionaire who specializes in getting people out of debt. My wife and I are actually taking one of his courses rightnow. Its one night a week for about 2 months or so. And in only 2 classes, we have learned so much about budgeting and getting our if debt! You should really check it out. Financialpeace.com

 

It's interesting thing because if a couple wants a new couch, somehow they figure out how to pay for it or finance it.

Therapy and personal growth, people often hedge and wonder about where the money should come from.

 

Finding a therapist that is a good personal fit is not always easy. If she were to start over again, it often takes several visits to establish a therapeutic relationship before any real work can begin.

 

I support her desire to want to go with someone she already has that relationship with and trusts. In the end, it may be more cost effective to see someone she already knows, rather than spending twice the time, copays, deductibles, differences, etc.

 

You and your marriage benefit from her emotional well being as well

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Have you guys ever heard of Dave Ramsey? He is a self made multimillionaire who specializes in getting people out of debt. My wife and I are actually taking one of his courses rightnow. Its one night a week for about 2 months or so. And in only 2 classes, we have learned so much about budgeting and getting our if debt! You should really check it out. Financialpeace.com

 

shameless plug

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Sorry, but life coaches make way more money. Therapists by comparison make peanuts, not to be confused with psychiatrists who are MD's. If she is really good, it actually makes financial sense for her to strike out in that direction rather than keep plugging away as a therapist.
Good for her. And if the OP's wife needs therapy, then she needs a therapist, not someone who's striking out in a different direction. Again, if there is no referral or if a referral doesn't work out, go for it. But it's reckless to default straight away to dropping $1800 for the benefit of forfeiting a clinical option.

 

Dipping into her former client pool to charge them $180 out of pocket per session as a life coach is absurdly unethical, putting it mildly.

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Good for her. And if the OP's wife needs therapy, then she needs a therapist, not someone who's striking out in a different direction. Again, if there is no referral or if a referral doesn't work out, go for it. But it's reckless to default straight away to dropping $1800 for the benefit of forfeiting a clinical option.

 

Dipping into her former client pool to charge them $180 out of pocket per session as a life coach is absurdly unethical, putting it mildly.

 

j.mann, the therapist isn't soliciting her business. The wife wants to go to her on her own and for her own reasons. We don't actually know what the wife's reasons are, what her situation is really, so probably shouldn't be reading more into this. I don't think the OP knows that well himself, which is why I suggested they talk more before making a decision on whether it's worth it or not. I will emphasize again, that therapists aren't MD's, although some MD's might do therapy as well, and we don't know if the wife needs that level of care or if it's more just talk, some help structuring her thoughts, mental exercises and coaching to help her, and advice, which is more on the therapy and/or life coach level.

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It's interesting thing because if a couple wants a new couch, somehow they figure out how to pay for it or finance it.

Therapy and personal growth, people often hedge and wonder about where the money should come from.

 

Finding a therapist that is a good personal fit is not always easy. If she were to start over again, it often takes several visits to establish a therapeutic relationship before any real work can begin.

 

I support her desire to want to go with someone she already has that relationship with and trusts. In the end, it may be more cost effective to see someone she already knows, rather than spending twice the time, copays, deductibles, differences, etc.

 

You and your marriage benefit from her emotional well being as well

 

This times a thousand!

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If the therapist used to practice as a psychotherapist and was able to participate with insurance companies, then I agree with J.Man it IS curious why she didn't leave herself that option. Life coaches might make more money, but not every patient can support a 100% private pay arrangement. Also I wonder about a package of 10 sessions. What if I don't need all ten; what if I need 20? What if it makes sense to check in once a month to support my progress?

 

There is value in seeing someone who knows me; there also is value in seeing someone whom I can afford to sustain as long as necessary. There is negative value in paying to see someone who is a bad match and/or is ineffective. From here, I don't know that we can advise as to the wise choice for your wife, OP. I do know that if you are to stay together, you need to turn toward each other with these kinds of questions, and not against each other. There is no right or wrong. There is only the team that each of you helps to create, or the team that one or each of you helps to undermine, bit by bit.

 

Turn toward your wife and tell her your conflict. "I don't know the answer. You are more important than a house, your health is more important than any of our financial goals. But we DO sacrifice our goals by about one year (or whatever) by choosing her as an option. Even so, maybe that is the right choice. What do you think?"

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my wife is pretty over bearing about finances, she watches all our accounts and makes comments anytime I spend money even as simple as if I go to lunch too much at work.

 

This is a relationship killer. Create 3 accounts, His, Hers and Ours. The Ours account gets funded according to your percentage of salaries rather than 50/50. The Ours account is to cover every shared monthly expense, including insurance, taxes and investments. Once the Ours account is funded for the next month, remaining monies go into the private account of the earner--that's why Ours is percentage-based.

 

The His and Hers accounts are discretionary, and neither gets to police the other's use or saving of those funds. This resolves any arguments about either partner's spending.

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You said she was stingy and complained when YOU spend money on food, but then she wants to spenf 1800$ on a coaching... that is a bit unafir to you isn't it. So she is fine spending money on herself but not on you? Is she this was with all things?

 

You also said money is tight, shouldn't she try to first go by referal and then if that doesn't work out go to her previously known person?

 

I am all about therapy, so no judgement there. It is great she wants to go and you want to support her. But, you also said she has these flair ups often, when her mother is being difficult... she needs to find another therapist eventually because can you two really afford to spend 1800$ each time that happens? Or more if those 10 sessions won't be enough. I don't think that is sustainable for you two considering it all. I would ask her to go by referal first and set her money aside specially for this reason should she need it.

 

BUT like others said, can she really expect the same treatment from a coach that she received before? Doubt the licenses are the same. Did she only need 10 sessions before? Or can you expect that to become 20 or more?

 

Others gave very sound advice.

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If she is really having problems, a doctor and a licensed qualified therapist would help her. Cosmetic psychiatry is nonsense. This therapist obviously switched horses because it is more lucrative, not because she wishes to help people.

 

She used to see a therapist to deal with stress and her bad relationship with her mom in particular. However her therapist has switched jobs and now considers herself a life coach and her sessions are no longer covered by our insurance. She asked me today if she could do a training with her old therapist and 10 sessions, I asked her how much and she said $1800.

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