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Thread: Talking about coworker

  1. #1

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    Talking about coworker

    Guys how do you know when your husband talks too much about a coworker ? He's worked with her for 10 years and she is a real chatterbox by all accounts . I've met her a few times and she is really lovely, as is her husband. We are all a similar age.

    I've never really had concerns until recently as he brings her up 4/5 every day. We have both had babies in recent years and she is always talking about her babies, giving advice as hers as slightly older than ours . When husband talks about her in the evenings it's generally stories she tells him about her kids or advice she gives about them. Never really brings her up in any other context.

    He even admits himself that he's bringing her into conversation AGAIN before he mentions her. When he mentions her I just say to myself here we go again. I don't need to know what she does with her kids all the time.

    How would you feel about this ? Should I mention im uncomfortable with it? Could he be developing feelings ?

  2. #2
    Platinum Member j.man's Avatar
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    I mean, I don't think it's unreasonable to not want to hear about someone else and their kids for the 6th time in an evening, but it's much less about being "uncomfortable" but more that it simply sounds like pretty boring material. I don't think you'd be wrong to bring it up, but not in any context wherein you're for some reason threatened by it. I'd just say, "Honey, I love you to death, but there are only so many times I can listen to stories about this lady's babies." But I might make sure there's not anything mundane you ever find yourself droning on to him about before casting that stone.

    I'll speak personally. There's something I've really come to appreciate about being really good friends with a woman where there are so many boundaries in place that you're not afraid to be close with them. In this case, they're 1) coworkers and 2) both married. Obviously neither nor both intrinsically preclude any funny business, but they're a good start. They've worked together 10 years and are obviously familiar with one another. It sounds like they both have a very vested interest in their kids and enjoy talking about them. He relays what she says.

    Honestly, to me it just kinda sounds like the flipping of gender stereotypes where a lady I'd date would use her material from a boring conversation she had earlier to create an even more boring conversation with me. Again, so long as you know you're mindful of keeping his interests in mind when broaching your own topics of conversation, I think it's fine to make light of it and ask if there's anything else of note he did that day besides talking with his coworker about babies.

  3. #3
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    He's not actually talking about HER, unless I've misread your post, but about her babies. How would I feel about it? Bored to death. I mean, wanting to chew my own foot off type bored.

    I find it difficult to believe that he's catching feelings for her, though. After all, she sounds far too preoccupied with her babies to have any more room in her life! One of the realities of the world of work is that you can often spend more time during the week with your coworker than you do with your partner. It can be very healthy and nourishing if it's a safe relationship with very clear boundaries in place - as is the case with your husband and the baby-bearer.

    If you're fed up with hearing about her kids, then tell your husband so. Otherwise, don't give it a second thought.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    I am pretty secure by nature, but I have to say that in my experience when my past partners have brought up a woman's name repeatedly, they ultimately ended up involved with them after our relationship ended.

    Don't mean to alarm you. It's just been my experience.

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
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    Is this a subject he's normally interested in, as in discussing those same topics with you about your child? How do you feel your emotional connection is with your husband? Does he see an expression from you that you're a little jealous when he mentions her, and maybe it provides an ego boost for him? It doesn't seem like they are having an emotional affair from what little you've written. I would be more concerned if they were regularly going to lunch together and discussing any marital issues with each other.

    The best way to prevent emotional affairs is for a couple to keep a strong emotional connection with each other. If you feel like yours could use a boost, read some articles on what you two can do to strengthen your bond. If you ever feel like boundaries are being crossed, you should have some discussions on that subject, and you might even want to discuss boundaries now before any line is crossed if you've never spoken about that issue.

  7. #6
    Gold Member thisisrichey's Avatar
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    i don't think it's unreasonable and you're being a bit jealous here.
    He has a co-worker who is also married and committed, and they end up talking about their kids a lot (which MOST parents do when they've recently had kids).

    whether you realize it or not, YOU yourself probably talk more about your kids than you realize - and if you had somebody to talk about that you see every day and spend 8 hrs with every day and have kids about the same age - you'd be talking to them and about them and about your mutual kid stories CONSTANTLY as well (i know.. i see it all the time amongst parents).

    So.. yeah.. let this one go. They're talking about KIDS (no other context comes up!) so this is just him being excited and having a good time talking to a colleague he can identify with when it comes to kids and parenting - especially as a recent parent.

    Find out why you are jealous and resolve that within yourself. There are absolutely ZERO signs of disloyalty here or any interest or potential for disloyalty here (he woudlnt' be talking to you this much about her if he were going to cheat with her, now would he? no cheater ver makes it THAT easy for you to figure out they are cheating and with whom....)

    let this one go...

  8. #7
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    Does he have any other friends at work? If not, this could explain it. If so, does he talk about those other friends at all?

  9. #8
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Are you concerned they are more than coworkers? Otherwise, change the subject.
    Originally Posted by Prince5
    I've never really had concerns until recently as he brings her up 4/5 every day. We have both had babies in recent years and she is always talking about her babies, giving advice as hers as slightly older than ours . When husband talks about her in the evenings it's generally stories she tells him about her kids or advice she gives about them.

  10. #9
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    Originally Posted by Prince5
    Guys how do you know when your husband talks too much about a coworker ? He's worked with her for 10 years and she is a real chatterbox by all accounts . I've met her a few times and she is really lovely, as is her husband. We are all a similar age.

    I've never really had concerns until recently as he brings her up 4/5 every day. We have both had babies in recent years and she is always talking about her babies, giving advice as hers as slightly older than ours . When husband talks about her in the evenings it's generally stories she tells him about her kids or advice she gives about them. Never really brings her up in any other context.

    He even admits himself that he's bringing her into conversation AGAIN before he mentions her. When he mentions her I just say to myself here we go again. I don't need to know what she does with her kids all the time.

    How would you feel about this ? Should I mention im uncomfortable with it? Could he be developing feelings ?
    Not I don't think he's developing feelings for her. You would hear less about her, if he was.

    Tell him you're tired of hearing about her in the politest voice you can muster. Or jokingly say "I wish you talked about me that much". He'll get the hint. If he doesn't, you have a bigger problem.


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