Facebook share
LinkedIn share
Google plus share
Twitter plus share
Give Advice
Ask For Advice
Page 1 of 13 1234 ... LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 121

Thread: Valentineís Day with someone youíre not exclusive with?

  1. #1
    Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2015
    Posts
    228

    Valentineís Day with someone youíre not exclusive with?

    I[24F] have been dating (non-exclusively) with this girl[27F] since November. Things were slow in the beginning (see my multiple previous posts about this situation) but after the holidays, we have been seeing each other once a week. We have never text a lot in between dates but whenever I ask to see her she always accepts and if she is busy, she will suggest another day.

    She has slept over, invited me to meet her friends (I couldnít go due to other plans I had previously made) and last week I invited her to meet mine. Everything seems like itís moving in the right direction but I am still confused about where she sees this going and am not sure if I should continue initiating seeing her. I feel like at this point, we should be seeing each other at least twice a week, or on the weekends at least.

    After she slept over (end of January), I saw her reaching out to me more. She invited me to an event she was having at her place with a bunch of her friends which I couldnít attend but then invited me the next day to watch a movie with her friends at a friends place. We didnít end up going because she had to work long hours that day, so I suggested to do something else like get takeout and watch a movie to relax after her stressful day and she said she needed to do some reading and just needed her brain to reboot but suggested the next day.

    The following week (last week, Monday), I invited her to come meet my friends. We didnít really get a lot of alone time that night and I havenít talked to her since, which I guess based on the history of this relationship since we rarely text in between seeing one another.

    I donít believe she is dating anyone else, she is way too busy with her PhD and teaching this semester but is still always a possibility. All I know is that sheís not on any dating sites.

    I really feel as though this far into this relationship, we should be having some sort of idea on what we are looking for... we havenít had any serious talks and I donít know if I should be the one to reach out to see her this week, either for Valentineís Day or on the weekend or just wait for her to reach out to me...

    My idea was to text her asking about a date night this week or weekend, and let her decide when she wanted to go out. Iím just hesitant because I still feel like Iím not getting too much interest from her simply because she hasnít asked to see me the last 2 weekends.

    Any advice would be helpful

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Location
    Cloud Nine
    Posts
    32,434
    Gender
    Male
    Just contact her and arrange a weekend date and have a simple something for vday (fun card, little thing, whatever). Don't make it a big deal or investment. If she wants to pick the day/place, fine. Try to relax. Be less concerned with who texts first, who makes the date, who reciprocates to what and so forth.


    You are into her and already know she is not a texter or initiator, but is also into you and not a flake. So follow what you want to do and don't go in worrying circles out of fear. All things have some risks and playing a too defensive game you'll lose more than at least sticking your neck out here and there. Heck walking across the street to the coffee shop has risks.
    Originally Posted by jackie103
    I donít know if I should be the one to reach out to see her this week, either for Valentineís Day or on the weekend or just wait for her to reach out to me.

  3. #3
    Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2015
    Posts
    228
    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    Just contact her and arrange a weekend date and have a simple something for vday (fun card, little thing, whatever). Don't make it a big deal or investment. If she wants to pick the day/place, fine. Try to relax. Be less concerned with who texts first, who makes the date, who reciprocates to what and so forth.


    You are into her and already know she is not a texter or initiator, but is also into you and not a flake. So follow what you want to do and don't go in worrying circles out of fear. All things have some risks and playing a too defensive game you'll lose more than at least sticking your neck out here and there. Heck walking across the street to the coffee shop has risks.
    Thanks for your response. There are some other small things that Iíve noticed that kind of concerns me... Iím not sure how big of a deal it is though.

    She always mentions how she is really busy and stressed this semester. I donít know if thatís a way of getting out of seeing me often or what, although I know itís true. She usually has said this on the weekdays when Iíve seen her and asked if she wanted to come inside my place for a little bit so I can understand that. The other thing is that one night, she said that we should be snapchat friends and thatíd sheíd find me on Snapchat. So the next day, I decided to just go ahead and add her. She hasnít accepted my request yet, so it has me thinking that that is a bit shady. And I know she goes on Snapchat pretty much every day.

    Finally, she told me that she might have to move this summer if her advisor gets a job at another university. I wonder if this is where her hesitation comes from

  4. #4
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Location
    Cloud Nine
    Posts
    32,434
    Gender
    Male
    It's odd you want to be closer to her but when she tries, you get upset. Why can't she talk about what's going on in her life with you?
    Originally Posted by jackie103
    She always mentions how she is really busy and stressed this semester. I donít know if thatís a way of getting out of seeing me often or what, although I know itís true.
    she said that we should be snapchat friends and thatíd sheíd find me on Snapchat. So the next day, I decided to just go ahead and add her. She hasnít accepted my request yet, so it has me thinking that that is a bit shady.

  5.  

  6. #5
    Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2015
    Posts
    228
    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    It's odd you want to be closer to her but when she tries, you get upset. Why can't she talk about what's going on in her life with you?
    I really donít feel like she has tried to talk about anything to be closer. She just mentions that sheís really busy this semester recently when I have asked if she wanted to come back to my place for a little at the end of our dates. Perhaps I am in the wrong though, I really canít tell.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2013
    Location
    Central Canada
    Posts
    13,196
    Gender
    Female
    Well, you mention twice that she reached out and invited you but you decline her on those occasions so I suggest that you figure out what it is YOU want. If its to be exclusive with this girl then act as if that is what you want and if she doesn't respond to your actions then dump her and find someone who wants relationship. If it's to just be F-buddies who get together for Netflix and chill then for goodness sakes stop trying to make something out of nothing.

  8. #7
    Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2015
    Posts
    228
    Originally Posted by ThatwasThen
    Well, you mention twice that she reached out and invited you but you decline her on those occasions so I suggest that you figure out what it is YOU want. If its to be exclusive with this girl then act as if that is what you want and if she doesn't respond to your actions then dump her and find someone who wants relationship. If it's to just be F-buddies who get together for Netflix and chill then for goodness sakes stop trying to make something out of nothing.
    I only declined her the one time, the second suggestion I still wanted to see her and we did see each other the next day.

    I do want to be exclusive and have been hesitant bringing it up but I will ask to see her this weekend and try to bring that conversation up.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2013
    Location
    Central Canada
    Posts
    13,196
    Gender
    Female
    Originally Posted by jackie103
    I only declined her the one time, the second suggestion I still wanted to see her and we did see each other the next day.

    I do want to be exclusive and have been hesitant bringing it up but I will ask to see her this weekend and try to bring that conversation up.
    Good and if she's not on board then start steeling yourself to end the contact. She is screwing with your already fragile self. You have to look after you and the best way to do that is to get rid of all outside distractions... particularly a chick that breaks up with you but still wants you as her soft place to land without having any of the responsibility of being your actual partner.

    I wish you good luck going forth.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member maew's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2017
    Posts
    1,229
    I really feel as though this far into this relationship, we should be having some sort of idea on what we are looking for... we havenít had any serious talks and I donít know if I should be the one to reach out to see her this week, either for Valentineís Day or on the weekend or just wait for her to reach out to me...

    My idea was to text her asking about a date night this week or weekend, and let her decide when she wanted to go out. Iím just hesitant because I still feel like Iím not getting too much interest from her simply because she hasnít asked to see me the last 2 weekends.
    OP you are behaving in a very passive manner with this person. I looked back over some of your previous threads... this "relationship" has been dragging on this way for months... at least as far back as November (which was the last thread I looked at). You have been waiting for her to show interest and make some sort of decision to move the relationship forward... and now you are waiting to find out if she will contact you for Valentine's day... how much more waiting do you want to do for and with this person?

    She is very busy with school and other life circumstances and this will likely continue even after you guys are exclusive. Given your concerns in previous threads, are you sure this kind of relationship is something you even want?

  11. #10
    Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2015
    Posts
    228
    Originally Posted by maew
    OP you are behaving in a very passive manner with this person. I looked back over some of your previous threads... this "relationship" has been dragging on this way for months... at least as far back as November (which was the last thread I looked at). You have been waiting for her to show interest and make some sort of decision to move the relationship forward... and now you are waiting to find out if she will contact you for Valentine's day... how much more waiting do you want to do for and with this person?

    She is very busy with school and other life circumstances and this will likely continue even after you guys are exclusive. Given your concerns in previous threads, are you sure this kind of relationship is something you even want?
    Youíre right. I have been trying to avoid being the one to have to define the relationship partly because Iím a bit afraid of her response in case itís something I donít want to hear but itís probably better we have that conversation earlier than later.

    I think a part of me thinks that things would be different if we were exclusive but in reality, it probably wonít. I kind of just want to get an idea of where SHE sees this relationship going and will try to bring it up if she is up for having a date night this weekend

Page 1 of 13 1234 ... LastLast

Give Advice
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •