Been dating this woman for three months,all is good apart from this one issue.We regularly go out for drinks and buy alternate rounds which sounds good Howver her drink costs twice as much as mine.Am I being a skinflint if I bring this subject up,I dont want to ruin what we have.How do I approach thid issue if I was to mention it in conversation?
Both of you buy your own drinks then. Easy.
Plan better dates that don't revolve around bars and rounds of drinks. Problem solved. Use some imagination/creativity.Originally Posted by Duffymoon62
The only thing you do is go for drinks? How boring!!
If this is straining your budget, then simple solution is just buy your own drinks instead of rotating tabs. Better yet, come up with more creative dates that don't involve spending and drinking.
Overall, when you are already keeping a running tally of who spends how much and beginning to resent things so fast....that kind of attitude doesn't bode well for any relationship for you.
I agree. If this is a big problem, I do question if there is something else amiss?
To illustrate:
It’s not uncommon for beer to be about $5
It’s not uncommon for cocktails to be about $10
So - if you are going out once a week and having 2 drinks each (what I would consider “normal”), your bill will be about $15 instead of about $10. Over the course of a month, that’s an extra $20 over what you would have spent anyways.
I would not raise an issue about $20. Relationships are supposed to comprise of a lot of things - sometimes you are more on the giving end, sometimes you are more on the receiving end.
Now... if you are going for drinks more than once a week (ie: you aren’t doing other things) - I would consider this a problem in itself. And if you are having much more than 2 or 3 drinks a night (on a regular basis) when you are going out - this also seems excessive? Why are you going out and getting smashed all the time?
The fact that this is a problem should be raising other (different) alarm bells.
Just ask if she wouldn't mind if you each open a tab for yourselves rather than take turns paying for every round. I can vaguely understand folks who would prefer taking turns rather than splitting when it comes to a weekly dinner, but it sounds kinda obnoxious playing hot potato every time a round of drinks comes out.
I don't see where this is all you guys ever do even if it's regular, but if it is, yeah, try to diversify. Though that doesn't let her off the hook for not suggesting different environments.
And as far as whether you're being cheap, $20 not needing be spent will mean different things to different people. And my opinion would be different between whether you were kicking back $3 Miller Lites and she was throwing in a few extra bucks for something that's actually palatable, or if she's opting for the añejo in her margaritas.
Agreed. 3 months in and you are already keeping score about what you are spending on drinks?Originally Posted by RedDress
Aside from all of that, you asked how to bring it up... just be straight up and say you want to pay for your own drinks while she pays for hers because hers are more expensive. And suggest some other activities as an alternative to going out for drinks.
Buy a cheap bottle of wine and make dinner at home.Originally Posted by Duffymoon62
She buys alternate rounds? It sounds like she is open to being fair, but I think comparing the cost of hers would be in poor taste.Originally Posted by Duffymoon62
If it bothers you, tell her. By no means is my opinion right. It's just my opinion.
I am very fair minding and try to keep things equitable. I am often generous at times. But if you wanted to split hairs over the cost of my drink, I'd have problem with it.
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