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Thread: Fed up

  1. #1

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    Fed up

    My husband has always been quite an angry person. He's not violent towards me just gets angry very easily. He was diagnosed with depression maybe three years ago now. I'm so fed up of the anger and the mind games going on.

    I fell asleep on the settee last night, so he moans this morning that he Had to sleep on living room floor I said you didn't NB have to, you chose to, the bed is upstairs. This morning he has woken up gone mad at our daughter because her iPad was a little loud shouting to go upstairs out of the way, this then makes her cry and cling to me to which he will get mad if I take her upstairs out of the room. He said to me that he just can't stand the noise this morning with his mental health, this is always an issue with him, and so I just told my daughter to sit on my knee. He then kciks off cause I've ignored him. I said I didn't ignore you you've said you can't stand the noise there isn't a question or a need to answer you?? So I get told I'm starting an argument, that I'm nasty and that I never am there for him when he kicks off . I said I didn't start an argument you are starting by saying I'm ignoring you you're causing an issue over something so small but then he goes on and on about how I am never there that I won't sit near him etc. He doesn't understabd I don't want to be bear him when he's starting he's always starting minor issues into full blown arguments then telling me I started or I am nasty etc when all I do is sit there quietly. I'm really fed up with this and don't know what else I can do anymore. I've tried to break things off in the past he always gets upset and apologises and promises to change and he doesn't mean it etc I have said I can't just excuse cause he has depression that he's allowed to shout at me for nothing. I really don't know what to do I'm really not happy I'm dreading the summer break with the kids cause they are noisy and they always get shouted at. I really don't know what to do anymore. Also it's like he goes mad cause people r making noise around him but then goes mad when nobody wants to sit in same room as him and then it's all nobody's there for him etc. I just can't deal with the whole mindgames
    Last edited by Smarie15; 07-22-2019 at 08:46 AM.

  2. #2
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    Is he receiving any treatment for his depression, OP?

    You are correct that it doesn't give him license to shout at you or the kids. I am simply wondering what sort of coping mechanisms he's used, if any.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    Well...your kids are being emotionally abused and terrorized by this man's behavior - so how long will you stand by and turn a blind eye to that just because for the umpteenth time he promised that he will change. What has he actually done to change? Is he going to therapy every week? Seeing a psychiatrist and taking his meds to manage the depression? Improving his lifestyle, health, eating habits to help manage his moods and issues? I'm guessing that outside of promises he is doing nothing constructive or nothing that actually works.

    Long past time to pack up your stuff and leave and most importantly, get your kids away from him. Get out and stay out is my advice. Stop hoping for change because for as long as you stay, you are enabling him to carry on as is.

  4. #4
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    This is terrible for your children. You should not be exposing them to this

    How has he addressed the anger and depression?

    End this, already!

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  6. #5
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    Do either of you work?

  7. #6
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    Was the iPad noisy?
    Did you ask your child to turn it down?
    It seems to me that you comforted your child while ignoring his issue?

    Iím not suggesting you shouldnít comfort your child nor walk on eggshells around him.
    Perhaps he had a valid point but went about it the wrong way.

    Have you ever tried talking to him when he is no longer in a bad mood?

    Are you willing to give him a time frame to actually get help with his depression and anger? To see if things change?

    Some people use depression as an excuse for their behaviour rather than confronting it.

    When you have tried to break things off in the past , it seems like you accepted his apologies and promise to change.
    Perhaps approach it in a different way.
    And not soon after one of his outbursts but on a calm day. Say that you are tired of his promises and that you will give him one month to organise treatment / therapy or you will have no option but to leave. For that month say nothing , at the end of the month if he hasnít made appts etc then make plans to leave.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
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    He should go to his doctor for an evaluation and meds if necessary. The man is a bully. Your kids pay the price for his bad attitude, as do you.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
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    My first husband suffered from depression and acted like this. When we were not arguing, I sat him down for a serious discussion and calmly told him I couldn't live like this anymore and wanted a divorce. Only then did he take me seriously since we weren't arguing and calling out threats of divorce. He went to a psychiatrist and got on meds and it was a great life for the following two years. And then, he said he wanted to wean himself off because he never meant to be on meds for a lifetime. I warned him that was a mistake, but he did it and got even worse than before. After some time, I didn't care if he got back on the meds because he'd killed all the love I had for him, and then I divorced him.

    I'd give it one shot like that, and if he follows through, give the meds time to work. If he refuses, see a lawyer. You and your children deserve a calm environment. Take care.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    You know you're with a tyrant who terrorizes your daughter. Get to therapy and do not tell him. Privately and confidentially discuss the damage he is doing to you and your daughter. Stop excusing his mental health issues and his anger.

    These are power, control and mental maltreatment tactics to damage your daughter and you and make himself feel better and "in control". Stop snipping back at him, stop answering to him. Focus solely on your child and yourself and what is best for her and your mental g health. You won't fix or change him.

    He enjoys being an abominable tyrant. It's fun for him to blame you, watch you cringe, watch your daughter feel terror, watch you console your daughter after his tyrannical outburst. Stop kidding yourself that "poor him he has this/that mental health problem and he's angry". You can't fix or change him.
    Originally Posted by Smarie15
    This morning he has woken up gone mad at our daughter because her iPad was a little loud shouting to go upstairs out of the way, this then makes her cry and cling to me to which he will get mad if I take her upstairs out of the room. He said to me that he just can't stand the noise this morning with his mental health, this is always an issue with him, and so I just told my daughter to sit on my knee. He then kciks off cause I've ignored him.

  11. #10
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    He needs counseling or you need to leave. End of story.

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