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Thread: Ex friend back in the picture

  1. #11
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    Speaking only for myself, I'd tell GF that I adore her, and that's why I'm walking away while we still think highly of one another. She can take all the time she wants to finish old business or heat it back up again, that's her decision. If she ever finds herself free and clear--and completely over the guy--she can let me know. If I'm still available then, we can meet to catch up. Otherwise, I wish her the best.

    Boom. Done. I'd be off into the sunset. My own private rule is that I won't involve myself with anyone who is still emotional about anyone with whom he was sexual in any way, shape or form--especially to the degree that he would be indiscreet enough to dump that on ME.

    Head high, and respect yourself. You'll thank yourself later.

  2. #12
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    OP, where did you go?

  3. #13
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    So she tells me that she can see herself getting drunk and texting or calling him. I told her there are steps she can take to make sure that never happens.

    I ask her point blank is she doing Anything suspicious.

    She tells me that it was just a really close friendship. That my standards for what a friend is doesnÂ’t matter.

    She asks me what happens if she feels like she thinks she can be friends with him again. I tell her I refuse to play this hypothetical game.

    Part of me feels like she lost a good friend in her mind so sheÂ’s super sad. The other part says who the hell cries over someone who just stopped talking to you

  4. #14
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    She wants your permission to have an affair.

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  6. #15
    Platinum Member IAmFCA's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by catfeeder
    Speaking only for myself, I'd tell GF that I adore her, and that's why I'm walking away while we still think highly of one another. She can take all the time she wants to finish old business or heat it back up again, that's her decision. If she ever finds herself free and clear--and completely over the guy--she can let me know. If I'm still available then, we can meet to catch up. Otherwise, I wish her the best.

    Boom. Done. I'd be off into the sunset. My own private rule is that I won't involve myself with anyone who is still emotional about anyone with whom he was sexual in any way, shape or form--especially to the degree that he would be indiscreet enough to dump that on ME.

    Head high, and respect yourself. You'll thank yourself later.
    I agree with this. She is showing her colors by characterizing the friendship as she chooses, without helping you find accurate language to define it because "your standard doesn't matter".

    One rule of thumb I use is, would I put person x in company of me and my bf? Why? Why not? Those answers tell me what I need to discern.

  7. #16
    Platinum Member IAmFCA's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by turnerik
    So she tells me that she can see herself getting drunk and texting or calling him. I told her there are steps she can take to make sure that never happens.

    I ask her point blank is she doing Anything suspicious
    .

    She tells me that it was just a really close friendship. That my standards for what a friend is doesnÂ’t matter.

    She asks me what happens if she feels like she thinks she can be friends with him again. I tell her I refuse to play this hypothetical game.

    Part of me feels like she lost a good friend in her mind so sheÂ’s super sad. The other part says who the hell cries over someone who just stopped talking to you
    Notice, her answer is either a dodge or a yes.

  8. #17
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    I asked her if she was done with him and she said yes.

    She also texted me this

    I love you so much. I want us. I want you. I just also need to be honest with my expectations.
    I expect that I can make my own choices. I expect that you trust me.

    I told her I feel like I’m in the purgatory of not really knowing if she is gonna continue talking to him or not. She said she is done, but might contact him when she’s drunk.

  9. #18
    Platinum Member IAmFCA's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by turnerik
    I asked her if she was done with him and she said yes.

    She also texted me this

    I love you so much. I want us. I want you. I just also need to be honest with my expectations.
    I expect that I can make my own choices. I expect that you trust me.

    I told her I feel like I’m in the purgatory of not really knowing if she is gonna continue talking to him or not. She said she is done, but might contact him when she’s drunk.
    This would not work for me. At all. Not that I would be angry etc but why him when drunk? Why not you?

    Yes she can make her own choices. So can you.

    You want "us" too, when she is fully available to develop "us". Right now, she is sufficiently turned on by her ex as to be unreliable.

    She is protecting her right to hold her hand close to the flame. When she is ready to let that go, she may be a viable candidate for a serious LTR.Till then, she is making herself available only for something less serious.

  10. #19
    Platinum Member IAmFCA's Avatar
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    I ask her point blank is she doing Anything suspicious
    And to this, why didn't she answer No?

  11. #20
    Platinum Member IAmFCA's Avatar
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    OP when I was a little more open to an ex than was appropriate for me, vis a vis my relationship goals, my bf was loving and effective. He simply made note of his goals with me, acknowledged we might be in different places, and said that that's okay. It was entirely up to me; it always is of course. It is entirely up to her and you know that. Let your words reflect it.

    At the same time, your choices are entirely up to you.

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