Oh, I can’t thank those enough that replied to my initial post. And, I spent a lot of time on this site reading other posts, replies etc last night.
Recap...I broke it off almost two weeks ago for the second time in the last 2 1/2 months because I was on a roller coaster and didn’t know why. After a solid 10 months of consistent behavior and good displays of character, I had learned that the roller coaster was caused by my boyfriend’s ex of 10 yrs showing back up. Mind you, I never knew about that relationship, nor the fact that his ex had a live in boyfriend the entire time they were seeing each other!
Anyhow, today I gathered his belongings that were left here. I drove them to his house (he was at work) and left them on his porch. I did leave a note...and that was for me...For my closure...as I had acted out of character in my recent insecurity and while I did the right thing by ending it, I didn’t do it from a high value stand point. I reacted emotionally and with hurt and anger and I did want to redeem myself, for me.. The note said that I didn’t want the last words he received from me to be words spoken in anger. I reiterated that I was moving on, thanked him for the good times we had and wished him well. I didn’t mention anything about what he had done or anything that would remotely require answers to questions or any validation. I also stated that nothing that I may have at his place is anything I want or need, so he was free to keep it or trash it. (Things like pans, Tupperware, etc)
I then deleted our entire texting history (over a years worth). Blocked him and deleted him from my phone.
To anyone that struggles with no contact...PLEASE be diligent! No contact will give you clarity and strength. Then, once you have it, don’t allow them access to your head or you will go back to square one!
Something I saw on this site last night was something I said over and over to myself as I was driving to his place...”I DO love him, but I love myself MORE and I have to do this for ME”
Be strong everyone!
Thanks for the support!