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Thread: I feel my emotions will destroy my relationship

  1. #1
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    I feel my emotions will destroy my relationship

    So im in need of some Rational advice. Il try to keep this simple as in my head this is all very confusing!
    So iv spent the last year feeling low, depressed and generally not good enough after a bad break up from my 3 year olds mother.
    Im now in a relationship with someone who i believe that to me is perfect and makes me feel very happy! However i cant help but overthink things, and worry a lot about things which are probably not true. For example, will this last, does she feel the same, am i going to push her away if i cant get on top of these thoughts i have etc. The circumstances surrounding our relationship arent very straight forward as her ex is being a problem, sometimes coming between us both and she has 2 kids slightly older than mine who at times can be challenging.
    She treats me so well and we both really make an effort with eachother which is lovely. I guess im just a little confused as i often think the worst and worry about losing one of the best things that has happened to me. Has anyone been through anything similar where past life events can mentally affect you even though theyíve got something really good? Or maybe this is something more to do with anxiety from my past that is playing a part?
    Any help or advice would be greatly appreciated 😁

  2. #2
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    Hi Iím sorry youíre having these thoughts. I know I was with a guy for 11 years we broke up 4 years ago. Instead of dealing with the emotions of the break up I went from dating someone online only meeting twice to then dating and getting nowhere. I honestly felt I was broken that my ex broke me.

    My mom told me that I would know I found the right one when the past no longer plagued me. The right guy would just fit and make more sense then my previous relationship. I didnít believe her until I took a short breather and collected my thoughts, got myself therapy. It helps talking to someone.

    Then I met my now current boyfriend and you know what? My mom was right!

    Maybe you need someone to talk too to help sort out your thoughts. Therapy would be beneficial. Anxiety about anything isnít easy to treat alone.

    But I just know if you feel your past is sabatoging your present you arenít ready.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    I think it's all degrees. In a new relationship, to feel some uncertainty and anxiety is normal because you are still feeling each other out and don't really know where you stand that well. It's not that you feel it, it's what you do about it or how you act. If that anxiety leaves you moody, controlling, etc, then yes, you will destroy your relationship. If it's just more internal, then maybe learn to take it one day at a time, enjoy what you have going and try your best not to jump into forward thinking - meaning this woman is just the best, I don't want to mess up my future with her, etc. Kind of remember that you don't know her that well....yet....and try to slow down a bit and relax. Don't plan your wedding quite yet. :P

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    Sounds like your ex left you with some scars.
    Try talking to your current g/f about it... try not to let feelings about the old impact what is going well with the new.
    I know, easier said then done. try to keep positive with the good thing you have now, and best wishes

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  6. #5
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    Thank you for the response! Makes me feel a lot better having an understanding and reasonable asnwer 😁

  7. #6
    Member PerkyGreek's Avatar
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    Try not to dwell on something that might never even happen. Worrying will not add anything to it. On the contrary, it might impede or sour your behavior that youíll end up with unexpected negative results. So try to totally forget your ex and enjoy and relax, and live in the present.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    It's certainly common enough for past experiences to influence one's perceptions going forward. This is why therapists were invented.

    People have no problem hiring a plumber or lawyer or tax expert for help resolving practical matters, but what could be more practical than your mental health and quality of life?

    I'd consider hiring a professional who's trained in this stuff to help walk you through.


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