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Thread: Why is this still an issue???

  1. #1
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    Why is this still an issue???

    Hey guys, so I just had, in my opinion, the most childish fight with my boyfriend. Let me give you the backstory:

    October 2017, my boyfriend posted something on twitter saying "let's just disregard those text messages last night". He had been out drinking that night and I didn't hear from him at all until the next day. In my mind, I'm thinking "what text messages and why would he be posting that for everyone to see?" As you can imagine my mind immediately goes to the left (he's been caught cheating before) and I proceed to confront him.

    We get into it and he shows me messages he sent to his guy friends. I still didn't see the point of him addressing his friends via twitter instead of a text like he always does but I left it alone and completely apologized for going left, afterwards we got over it and moved on. That was the only time in our relationship I had gotten upset over something he posted. Fast forward to January 2018, I find out that he decided to block me on Twitter just as he starts becoming active again and then catch him in a lie about the timeframe of when he did it. He claims he did it back in October 2017 when the original incident happened but later told the truth and said he had just done it.

    So I got onto him again because I thought we had moved on from that misunderstanding and I couldn't understand why he waited 3 months to do this, and why he went out of his way to do it. We get into it yet again, and get over it.


    Currently:

    He hadn't been on Twitter for over a year, decided to get back on it several days ago and I was blocked yet again. At this point, I'm livid because we've already been through this and I'm wondering why he keeps going out of his way to do this. I was able to see what he was posting and its not anything of importance, so now I'm wondering why would he go out of his way to hide it again? He attributed it to the incident that happened pretty much 2 years ago now. I told him that that issue was resolved a long time ago and he can't keep using that as a reason. I honestly, thought all of that was over and done with last year when I told him how I felt about it the first time, and I feel like we're too far into our relationship now for him to be doing stupid little things like that.

    He insists that I'm the one who's making it a problem, but my stance is, we haven't had any issues for a year now, so why take the time to do this again out of the blue? Everything has been so great between us to the point that we had been planning a summer vacation and blocking him on any social media platform has never been a thought in my mind. The fact that this keeps happening makes me feel like something is going on. Am I overreacting??

  2. #2
    Member FleurDeLys's Avatar
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    To me, it would appear as though he may simply like not be "policed" on what he's posting, out of fear that it may stems into arguments, considering the cheating history. Has been caught cheating in previous relationships or was it on you he cheated?

    If it's the former, I honestly wouldn't give too much thoughts into him tweeting to his friends instead of texting them. I sometimes use different medium that of the ones I usually have to communicate with my friends. Besides, your boyfriend has a right to have some kind privacy with his friends, if I can put it like this. So as long as he's not doing anything wrong, couples don't have to share everything with one another.

    On a larger scale, it seems to me that you there are deeper trust issues here in your relationship that you need to work on. Have you ever had a full conversation about his cheating past?

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    Thanks for your response! To be honest, I don't get on Twitter much myself, a few times a year at most, so I don't see his feed often. And he's cheated in his past relationship and on me in the very beginning of our relationship. We've been together for about 4 years now and have gotten to the point of making a plan to move in together.

    As far as having the cheating conversation, he's the type of person that does not like to bring up his faults and would rather just move on from them, but he will however, hold onto other's faults I've learned. As far as trust goes, like I said before, we hadn't had an argument on that subject in a long time so I had no reason to think anything was going on but blocking me while you're active, unblocking me while you're not, then reblocking me when you decide to be active again has me like "what is really going on right now?"

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    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    Best guess is that your relationship isn't going as well as you think. If he is a cheater and is suddenly blocking you on social media while trying to shift blame and bs you that it's your fault he has to do this now over something that happened a long long time ago.....best guess is he has an eye on a new pony he wants to ride....again....

    Instead of trying to make things work with a cheater hoping that they'll change into a better person, it's usually wise to dump them and start fresh with someone you can actually trust to be loyal.

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    Originally Posted by DancingFool
    Best guess is that your relationship isn't going as well as you think. If he is a cheater and is suddenly blocking you on social media while trying to shift blame and bs you that it's your fault he has to do this now over something that happened a long long time ago.....best guess is he has an eye on a new pony he wants to ride....again....

    Instead of trying to make things work with a cheater hoping that they'll change into a better person, it's usually wise to dump them and start fresh with someone you can actually trust to be loyal.

    That definitely does make me think and my mind has definitely gone there, but I will say this: when he was active a year ago, it was the same scenario. He was posting regular, random stuff like most people. There wasn't anything on there that gave me pause which is why I couldn't understand why he would go out of his way to keep me from seeing it when I log in.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by missmaam
    That definitely does make me think and my mind has definitely gone there, but I will say this: when he was active a year ago, it was the same scenario. He was posting regular, random stuff like most people. There wasn't anything on there that gave me pause which is why I couldn't understand why he would go out of his way to keep me from seeing it when I log in.
    Maybe he didn't have a chance to cut the new pony from the herd yet, let alone saddle it and take it for spin before you were onto him. Unfortunately, that's the problem with cheaters. You never know, you can never really trust them......and rightfully so. At some point you really have to ask yourself if this is the kind of a relationship you really want to be in - constantly wondering and constantly looking over your shoulder.....

    No matter how you spin it, his behavior is shady and his excuse and blame shifting is not acceptable.

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    Originally Posted by DancingFool
    Maybe he didn't have a chance to cut the new pony from the herd yet, let alone saddle it and take it for spin before you were onto him. Unfortunately, that's the problem with cheaters. You never know, you can never really trust them......and rightfully so. At some point you really have to ask yourself if this is the kind of a relationship you really want to be in - constantly wondering and constantly looking over your shoulder.....

    No matter how you spin it, his behavior is shady and his excuse and blame shifting is not acceptable.

    I completely agree, it just a hard pill to swallow when I'm so invested smh. But I do need to do some soul searching on this.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by missmaam
    I completely agree, it just a hard pill to swallow when I'm so invested smh. But I do need to do some soul searching on this.
    Would you keep investing money into a company that's bankrupt? No, right? So why do that in relationships?

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    Originally Posted by DancingFool
    Would you keep investing money into a company that's bankrupt? No, right? So why do that in relationships?
    Definitely a good point lol

  11. #10
    Platinum Member maew's Avatar
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    You are right to be suspicious, this guy is hiding something from you. Even if he is on there infrequently, the fact that he took the time to block you before he became active says that he is posting or replying to things he doesn't want you to see.

    I dated a guy at one point that was posting these romantic messages on his Twitter feed that I thought were directed at me... yet I was suspicious because he was pulling away in real life... after some investigation I uncovered that they were in response to his ex girlfriend posting on her own Twitter feed. When I called him out on it he immediately blocked me and so did she... and even though he eventually took responsibility, the fact that he was hiding such a significant part of his life from me was enough of a red flag for me to end things with him.

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