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Thread: Do they communicate better with other women

  1. #21
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    I didn't create drama. I didn't do anything I ignored and put up with all the 'distant' treatments (as I saw them) and I didn't say a thing. I buried my feelings of hurt, isolation and loneliness.

    Then when he said 'he didn't see a future with me' I knew it was time to dump him. He never said anything was wrong up until this statement. This was the point of the thread - how am I supposed to know if men don't communicate, what do you do?

    He wouldn't have said anything whatever I did - he just didn't speak or know how to express his feelings.

  2. #22
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    It was all guesswork. That is the thing, looking back on these men and all the confusion and hurt caused by the lack of transparency. I like to communicate but when someone won't communicate with you?

    How do partners cope? I didn't and I don't want to be with someone I hardly know, what is the point of that?

    Yes I want a very close bond and maybe it is unrealistic but what is the point of just spending time with a stranger, like this guy he was a stranger to me.

  3. #23
    Platinum Member maew's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by shineyboot
    It was all guesswork. That is the thing, looking back on these men and all the confusion and hurt caused by the lack of transparency. I like to communicate but when someone won't communicate with you?

    How do partners cope? I didn't and I don't want to be with someone I hardly know, what is the point of that?

    Yes I want a very close bond and maybe it is unrealistic but what is the point of just spending time with a stranger, like this guy he was a stranger to me.
    You start out by talking in general about men and as you continue replying to posts, it becomes clear that you are talking about one specific man and his response (or lack of) to your questions.

    You say you want transparency when it comes to communication... that needs to start with you. If you had begun all of this with what you really want to know, which is why it didn't work out with this specific man, vs. generalizing all men, we wouldn't be going around in circles trying to figure out what advice you need.

    This:

    I ignored and put up with all the 'distant' treatments (as I saw them) and I didn't say a thing. I buried my feelings of hurt, isolation and loneliness.
    Is as much about you ignoring the signs of someone that "just isn't that into you" as it is about his lack of communication. If you are feeling hurt, isolated and lonely, and a conversation with him doesn't change that, it's time to move on from the relationship just as you did. Trying to understand why it works between him and another woman won't help you be happy in the future... what you need to do instead is start being more "high value" in relationships... sit back, observe, watch what they do, and if it doesn't align with what you want in a relationship then move on. Don't try to fix or change them, and don't wait around for them to change. If you can't accept someone and be happy with who they are in the here and now, they aren't the one for you.

  4. #24
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    Very true and he wasn't the one for me and none of them have been.

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  6. #25
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    There is a need to accept and be happy with someone warts and all I agree. But I don't understand how a complete lack of communication is one of those things for some people.

    Men who don't speak - I don't understand how they can have a relationship that is healthy with anyone?

  7. #26
    Gold Member Gary Snyder's Avatar
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    First of all, don't get down on yourself, stay positive........the guys you dated who went on to have relationships with others may have changed for the better by being with you! Did you ever think of that?

    Also, pick up the book "men are from mars, women are from Venus" by Dr John Gray. The rest of his books are junk (most relationship books are junk) but this one is good and one of the most famous relationship books in history. It's about just what you are asking about, how men and women argue differently.

    Women like to tend and mend; men like to go into to their cave and work problems out in their own head.

    This reminds me of something..........Ironically, my BFF is a woman and the last time we had an argument (we only have 2 a year!) she went into her cave and did not want to talk to me much for a week or more, lol

    So, it's a grey area and not always black-and-white

  8. #27
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    Thanks Gary.

  9. #28
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by maew
    Are you expecting the men to communicate like women do? As in to be totally open about their emotions, thoughts and feelings with you in order to build connection? If so, you are going to end up disappointed in general with male / female relationships, because men don't communicate that way.
    A good piece of information I read years ago - Don't expect your boyfriend or husband to communicate with you like your girlfriends would.
    Recognize that generally speaking, they just communicate differently.

    It doesn't mean you are not entitled to how you feel. But you will be better heard and understood if you can communicate (with anyone) from a less emotionally charged place.

    Alter your expectations some and learn to pick your battles

  10. #29
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by shineyboot
    There is a need to accept and be happy with someone warts and all I agree. But I don't understand how a complete lack of communication is one of those things for some people.

    Men who don't speak - I don't understand how they can have a relationship that is healthy with anyone?
    Maybe it's not a case of them not speaking. It could be case of how you are approaching it.

  11. #30
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    Maybe not asking enough.

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