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Thread: Do they communicate better with other women

  1. #11
    Platinum Member maew's Avatar
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    Based on some of your previous posts, I suspect part of this is that your communication is driven by your anxiety in relationships instead of the natural flow of getting to know someone. This means the communication ends up being one sided, which is supported by your comments that "I really, really tried with all of the men I've been with to make myself understood and failed". Yes if you are constantly communicating your needs and wants to a man without listening to his, he will shut down and pull away from you because he feels like you don't accept him for who he is.

    Edited to add (because you asked) there is no way to know why these men are able to communicate more easily with other women, but my guess is that the women spend as much time listening as they do talking and have some acceptance of the men for who they are.

  2. #12
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    Yes, how can I understand a man's needs if they can't tell me them when I ask. I asked what was wrong and if he was okay when he didn't speak to me and he never told me anything.

  3. #13
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    You see this is my point. I don't want to be one sided but when a man doesn't speak or can't express his needs it is difficult.

  4. #14
    Platinum Member maew's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by shineyboot
    You see this is my point. I don't want to be one sided but when a man doesn't speak or can't express his needs it is difficult.
    Are you expecting the men to communicate like women do? As in to be totally open about their emotions, thoughts and feelings with you in order to build connection? If so, you are going to end up disappointed in general with male / female relationships, because men don't communicate that way.

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  6. #15
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    I am disappointed because I can't seem to communicate with men and don't know how. The answer seems to be that you don't. You bite your lip and cry into a pillow and put up with being dreadfully lonely and disconnect or stay single.

  7. #16
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    Originally Posted by shineyboot
    Yes, how can I understand a man's needs if they can't tell me them when I ask. I asked what was wrong and if he was okay when he didn't speak to me and he never told me anything.
    He already told you what was wrong -- he didn't see a future with you. asking him "are you okay?" after that tells him that you don't respect his decision/feelings - that that is not how he *really* feels. Are you that thick - or do you just don't believe what he says he feels is true?
    Also, people don't "owe" you to tell you about everything in their head. You can also understand people by their actions, which often speak loudly.

  8. #17
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    I asked if he was okay before he said 'he didn't see a future with me'. I asked him if he was okay when he walked a mile ahead of me, didn't sit next to me, only responded in one words, got up early and fixed his own breakfast (at the weekend) and so on.

  9. #18
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by shineyboot
    Yes I'm emotional in that I feel them, I'm sensitive if someone walks ahead of me or doesn't sit next to me on the sofa I will interpret that as distance. Others don't.

    I am sensitive to others and pick up on any moodiness, which there was plenty of with some of these men. I then often asked them if they were okay and the answer would be 'fine'. I never got to the bottom of anything. There was always a horrible feeling in the air like I had done something wrong, or something was wrong but nothing was said.

    I like things out in the open and feel I haven't got that in the past. Maybe this is what a women has to put up with, in some men.
    Shiney....everybody feels emotions. Stop telling yourself that your emotions are more special than the rest of humanity. That's lying to yourself and it won't help you in terms of dealing with life and relationships. Having emotions is human. Regulating your emotions is necessary for a happy, healthy life.

    If someone walks ahead of you or doesn't sit next to you, you are CHOOSING to interpret that as a personal insult, as distance. You are collecting wounds that nobody is actually inflicting on you except yourself.

    If you ask if someone is ok and they tell you fine, it's on you to accept the answer and NOT carry on with your perception that something is horribly off and wrong and there is this "air" hanging. Again, drama you are creating for yourself and unfortunately, for the other person as well. They have to deal with your bs and it's stressful and unpleasant to say the least.

    This isn't about women or men. This is about you.

  10. #19
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    Maybe but there is also a thing called gut feeling. My gut feeling told me that there was something up with him. Even if there wasn't I didn't want to be with someone who gets up without kissing me good morning, doesn't touch me, fixes his own breakfast and eats it without me on a Sunday, walks a mile ahead, answers in one word answers.

    Where is the fun in that? No thank you.

  11. #20
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by shineyboot
    Maybe but there is also a thing called gut feeling. My gut feeling told me that there was something up with him. Even if there wasn't I didn't want to be with someone who gets up without kissing me good morning, doesn't touch me, fixes his own breakfast and eats it without me on a Sunday, walks a mile ahead, answers in one word answers.

    Where is the fun in that? No thank you.
    Those are entirely separate issues and you are correct to say no thanks to that. However, you don't conflate issues like talking and creating drama with the guy not treating you how you want to be treated when it comes to actions.

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