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Thread: Do you think this would be an ok letter to send to an ex?

  1. #1

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    Do you think this would be an ok letter to send to an ex?

    I have so many things I want to say that I feel went unsaid. I donít know how else to express them to you other than via this letter.

    I know the reasons we said out loud as to why you and I didnít work was because of distance and busyness but you made me really happy so I was ready to work through those issues, and just in time for you to disengage, it seems.

    I just donít think we gave our relationship a proper chance. If I could go back, Iíd do things so different. I wish we could have better communicated what we needed from each other and then we could have really made it happen. Hindsight is such a b**** and Iím sorry I took you for granted. I realize now I should have respected your time, like you did mine. The old adage ďyou donít know what you have until itís goneď rings true here, for me.

    As too late as it may be, Iím no longer afraid to say that I think we could have really had something and we could have been quite the fun "power couple". We both bring so much to the table.

    But thank you for your grace. I know your short responses or non responsiveness to my texts is your way of sparing my feelings because I definitely got the feels for you.

    Just know you gave me a taste of something I hadnít had in a long time, a potential, real, mature, two adults respecting each other kind of relationship. Thatís why itís no wonder I started to have strong feelings for you. And itís no wonder it took me so long to get over you. I felt a strong bond with you, (which I thought you felt too). If you werenít such a great catch and such a wonderful and rare man, it would have been easier to let go.

    I was scared of love. Hurt by my past. Not willing to try. But you were being very patient and caring towards me which opened me up.

    You should know, you set the bar pretty high for anyone who follows you because I only want to be treated the way you treated me. The experience with you opened me up to knowing myself better. I found that I can be vulnerable with someone and I do feel truly ready for something real, true, and lasting. Iím not in any hurry and I definitely learned itís better to take things slow. Iím not settling for crumbs of attention from anyone anymore and I am tired of surface-level relationships. I want to know someone at their core and I am no longer afraid of raw emotions. I realize I can be a great girlfriend and now I can be ďrelationship girlĒ instead of ďbitter divorced girlĒ or ďbetter off alone girl", which was how you found me. So thank you. Whoever comes next will get a more mature, understanding, and respectful woman out of me, thanks to you.

    Obviously, I still adore you. Youíre still the coolest person I knowÖ..well one ofÖ.top 5 at least. LOL

    I know we need to continue to move on with our separate lives and I realize ending it was best for both of us. But if you have any desire to be friends again, Iíd like that. I know we tried but I was still emotional about us ending and needed the space. Iíve had some time to recover now and Iíd rather be friends than nothing. If you ever want to reach out, share something with me, go get coffee or that drink I owe you (as friends of course), Iíd like that too. The ball is in your court.

    I miss you, I always think the best of you, I think of you often, and I hope youíre doing well.

    xx

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Annia's Avatar
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    I rarely recommend sending these types of letters to an ex, because they rarely answer like you'd like them to answer and also because they rarely have an epiphany or "understand". Writing that letter can be therapeutical, but more like a way of letting your feelings out but without actually sending it him. Also, the type of talk in your e-mail tends to scare men away, especially if he was the one breaking up with you or showing lack of interest in pursuing the relationship.

    Just my opinion and experience.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member maew's Avatar
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    It's a nice letter, however whether or not you send it depends on a whole lot of context that is missing from your original post.

    If you do decide to send it, then prepare yourself for the possibility that he won't respond the way you want him to, whatever that is... he may not respond at all. It looks like you are trying to get him to come running back to you... depending on how recent the breakup was, these types of letters don't work for that sort of thing. The only thing that sometimes works is time and the space to reflect on things. Even then getting back together is never a guarantee.

  4. #4
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    Nice letter, now toss it in the trash and never think of it again. Sending it will not change how he feels.

    I am sorry, but your best bet is to find a way to move on.

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member Carus's Avatar
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    You are trying to find a way to relieve the pain you are feeling...and I totally understand!

    But the others are right...

    And sadly enough, not long after you send that the pain will be right back....

    Try to cast your mind 24, 48 and 72 hours into the future of how you'll be feeling if he doesn't respond...

    It's long been known that writing stuff out or journaling is cathartic, but not sending it.

    There is a thread in here for writing out things you want to say.

    I'm sorry for your distress.

    Carus*

  7. #6
    Member Flipp's Avatar
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    I agree with everyone here. Someone somewhere on this page said something along the lines of ďyou donít need to DO anything. If they want to come back, they do. They know who you are, they will be able to reach you if they wantĒ.

    That set me straight at least. Mind you, I did send an email to my x, but that was the day after he told me about new girl, and it was the last communication I had with him before NC. And I specifically told him that he neednít respond, I just pointed out the specifics points in the whole break up fase where he did me wrong.

    The most important mantra Iíve had in all these months after that is:

    I donít want to talk to him or hear from him because he wonít say what I want him to say anyways.

    So make sure that you can cope with his answer, whether it is nothing, something or even something nasty/upsetting!

  8. #7
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    A much better option for this expression is posting in the designated threads specifically for these type of sentiments. This way you won't engage in this self-defeating exercise which leaves you wondering did they get it?, will they respond?, what will the reaction be? how long should I wait for a response?, will they want to get back together? etc etc etc.

    So check out these threads because so many people have unanswered questions and unspoken words after breakups:
    [Register to see the link]

    Or start a journal to chronicle your thoughts and feelings:
    [Register to see the link]

  9. #8
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    The best masterpiece letter in the world is still never a good thing to send to an ex.

    If ex is ever interested in rehashing anything, he knows how to reach you. A letter isn't going to change his mind, it will only make you feel more vulnerable and exposed, even while anything in writing that leaves your hands is control you've lost over its contents.

    Anyone who deserves to know your deepest thoughts about your relationship will offer the time and room to listen to you in person.

    Consider the writing to be your own therapeutic device, and don't send it. You'll thank yourself later.

    Head high.

  10. #9

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    Thank you

    Thank you all for the advice. It seems the consensus is not to send. I haven't and now don't plan to. Waiting a few days helped too. Thanks so much.

  11. #10
    Platinum Member Carus's Avatar
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    Well done MemeQueen* ~ We know it's not easy....but I'm going to assume you're glad you didn't now :)

    Carus*

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