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Thread: having a hard time moving on

  1. #1
    Gold Member brienoch's Avatar
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    having a hard time moving on

    Hello,

    My relationship of 6 years is over. I moved out and I live far away from the town I love, he kept the dog, I feel isolated and lonely and I hate everything about my life. I cannot get over this depression, I can barely get out of my bed on the days I don't work. This is just the second week since I moved but I can't stop thinking about things. I know he was/is bad for me. This is the second time we've broken up and I've moved out. But I WANT to be with him. There is something about him that feels right to me when I am with him. I can't get rid of this feeling. I know all the things people typically say, time heals, get hobbies, stop talking to him, blah blah. But none of that really helps. I don't know what I am looking for here or why I am even posting. I just feel like I am going insane and I need help to get through this. My friends are not helpful and I don't have many of them. I just don't know what to do. Please help.

  2. #2
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    Sorry to hear about this, I can relate. There isn't anything to say to make it better other than eventually it does fade.

    Be careful about who you surround yourself with at this time - you want supportive people not people who give you a lecture and tell you what you 'should' be doing.

    Most of all, be good to yourself.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    Well first is be kind to yourself and take it easy a bit. Only two weeks out, it's normal to feel horrible, down, etc.

    As for he feels right, nope, it's not him. What you are feeling is habit. Habits are hard to break, but break it you must. More correctly, the easiest way to break a bad habit is to replace. No, I don't mean jumping into dating. I mean that if every morning you drank coffee with him and talked about the news, then you get up in the morning and head to a coffee shop on your way to work. Create a new habit that is just yours that you enjoy. If you think more in these terms, you'll realize that what you are really missing isn't the crappy man, but certain habits and routines you had and the sooner you identify them and replace them with something that you personally love, the faster you'll heal and move on. That feeling that you are talking about will evaporate.

  4. #4
    Member hpinky's Avatar
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    Hi there, so I remember that feeling oh so well and all I wanted to do was get him back or get him to want me back. So, i will tell you what I did. I cut off contact. At first it was a goal of one day, no calling or texting him and no response to him. Then when I made it the one day, I set it to two days, then so forth. Two months went by. During this two months I cried every single night. I lost 20lbs I was so depressed. Then 6 months later, after I finally started to feel better, he contacts me. Tells me he misses me. Wants to get back together. I said no. I no longer wanted to be with him at that point.

    Point Iím trying to make is, no contact works. And they always come crawling back. You just have to tough it out. At that point, if you want to get back together you can choose to or youíll heal and not want to anymore.

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  6. #5
    Member Flipp's Avatar
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    First of all - most of us have been there. So you're not alone! You're not the only one having these feelings and desperate thoughts. I felt like that. Like it was something broken about me, that other people might move on, but I wouldn't.

    The only thing that really helped me in those first, raw weeks was distraction, and talking to people in similar situations. It still is the best advice.

    I was also in in a 6yr long relationship, he dumped me, and 6 months on, I'm still quite broken, but not like I was in the first weeks. It gets better, it just dosen't suddenly complcompletely heal, that's all. And it's not only missing him - you're missing everything else too. The life you had, the version of yourself, of him. The memories, the future that suddenly doesn't excist any more. And it's all good - you're allowed to feel all those things, but in the end, the only one hurting is you. You're the only one that CAN fix how you feel, and it's awful and not fair and all that, but it's the truth.

    But look at all the people on this page alone, that felt exactly like you do now, that I did, that I still do in some way, that keeps telling us it DOES get better, and until then you just have to survive in any way you can. You are not alone, and the sun will shine again!

  7. #6
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by brienoch
    Hello,

    My relationship of 6 years is over. I moved out and I live far away from the town I love, he kept the dog, I feel isolated and lonely and I hate everything about my life. I cannot get over this depression, I can barely get out of my bed on the days I don't work. This is just the second week since I moved but I can't stop thinking about things. I know he was/is bad for me. This is the second time we've broken up and I've moved out. But I WANT to be with him. There is something about him that feels right to me when I am with him. I can't get rid of this feeling. I know all the things people typically say, time heals, get hobbies, stop talking to him, blah blah. But none of that really helps. I don't know what I am looking for here or why I am even posting. I just feel like I am going insane and I need help to get through this. My friends are not helpful and I don't have many of them. I just don't know what to do. Please help.
    Have you thought about getting yourself into therapy to help you through the roughest period? Even seeing your doctor to maybe get a mild anti anxiety med that will help you to cope?


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