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Thread: Married 2 years now...wife's immediate family drives me nutts anymore

  1. #1
    Bronze Member a_lifters_life's Avatar
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    Married 2 years now...wife's immediate family drives me nutts anymore

    My (now wife - since havent posted in a long, long time) and I have been together now 11 years - married 2.

    She and I are really a nice, married couple - when its just her and I - living together in our house, and making decisions together.

    My wife is now pregnant and is due in June (this is just back story, and not related as much to my gripes below).

    My gripes: her family: they live about 1.5h from us - my wife tends to see them every few weeks or 1x a month.

    I see them when I really, really have to. I personally try to limit interaction with them anymore. They've been putting me down for like 10 years now, and I've had enough. I used to play it "cool as a cucumber" with them, but personally i've had enough.

    I've talked with my wife about how I cannot tolerate especially her one brother (middle child) who is bothering me so much now, that when he says something to me I just curse at him. Its getting to the point where if I'm around him, it might turn physical. My wife just doesnt really see how how her brother talks to me is downright rude and uncalled for, and deserves really a punch in the face.

    Some examples of things he's recently said to me:
    - I just spent the past week painting the upcoming babies room - majority of weekend too. I sit down to relax for literally maybe an hour or two to enjoy a sporting event, and my wife gets facetime call from the mother/brother (right after she just got home from spending most of the weekend with them) - what does he say to me? "a_lifters_life get back to work!" . - I say "<brothers name> shut the f*** up" .

    - About 2 weekends ago, my wife's family comes to visit us and we go out to lunch. Now, my wife has 2 brothers, who each have 2 girls - 4 girls total (age 2-5). This middle brother says at lunch "Oh <my childs name> is going to have it rough around 4 girls" . My reply: "Um, no, hes not".

    I could go on, and on, but these little "jabs" at me have been going on for quite some time.

    I feel like they'll only continue, but around my kid - I cant be cursing like I do now. I definitely cannot get physical around my kid with him (if i have to).

    Yesterday during the face time call, her mom asked for her to take a picture of the painting that I had done. (Shes a painter herself) so I took this as she wants to evaluate and critique it. (Shes one to critique almost anything, and everything). This kind of stuff bothers me, because my wife wont be like - mom, you can see this when you come to visit us. Its like she is a lot like her son or vice versa - has their hands and ears in everyone's business, but all their stuff is held "top secret".

    Its really just aggravating to see my wife's family, because its never like regular conversation like "a_lifters_life - how are you doing? How's the job? yadda yadda yadda . Its something to put me down.

    Now, when i see her extended family for instance - her one aunt who is pretty close, the conversation is regular, and its not a "pissing contest" or "put down fest on a_lifters_life.. life"

    Just at a bit of a loss here.. How would you or have you handled a situation like this.

    Thanks ENA!

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    All you can do is acknowledge he's a jerk and try not to get sucked into his innuendos and bs and focus on that this guy will be your child's uncle so you'll have to let it go in one ear and out the other.
    Originally Posted by a_lifters_life
    - I say "<brothers name> shut the f*** up" .

  3. #3
    Silver Member Gary Snyder's Avatar
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    I understand you're not liking the "get back to work" jab, but not the other two.

    Well it's obvious you don't like your wife's family and maybe they don't like you.

    The answer is easy - just stay away from them. Don't go to visit, don't have them over, or you go someplace else when they come to visit, and establish private facetime rules for your wife and family in a room your not in or when you are not there.

    If the family starts treating you better, perhaps at that time you can make amends.

    There is an old saying - choose your friends wisely. You get to choose your friends and who you spend time with (they are not your family).

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    Bronze Member a_lifters_life's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Gary Snyder
    I understand you're not liking the "get back to work" jab, but not the other two.
    What do you mean here?
    Last edited by a_lifters_life; 02-11-2019 at 10:14 AM.

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    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    Sorry but you are way over reacting. Check your attitude and perceptions. The problem is more you than them.

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    Bronze Member a_lifters_life's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by DancingFool
    Sorry but you are way over reacting. Check your attitude and perceptions. The problem is more you than them.
    Thanks for your opinion (not).

  8. #7
    Platinum Member mustlovedogs's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by a_lifters_life
    Thanks for your opinion (not).
    This is a you issue.

    Youíre even getting too sensitive here with posters. Family jokes and you lash out. You get advice here and you make immature comments.

    Good luck having a kid.

  9. #8
    Bronze Member a_lifters_life's Avatar
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    Family jokes? Im sure none of it is a joke.

    mustlovedogs - your post adds 0 support or anything useful to my question , and only adds fuel to an already blazing fire.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member mustlovedogs's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by a_lifters_life
    Family jokes? Im sure none of it is a joke.

    mustlovedogs - your post adds 0 support or anything useful to my question , and only adds fuel to an already blazing fire.
    Itís your blazing fire. You need to step back and try and chill a little bit. I donít see any egregious offenses, except for you swearing at relatives.

  11. #10
    Bronze Member a_lifters_life's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by mustlovedogs
    Itís your blazing fire. You need to step back and try and chill a little bit. I donít see any egregious offenses, except for you swearing at relatives.
    Ok, this reply is more objective. I appreciate your opinion. The unfortunate problem is this is a reoccurring problem every 2 weeks-1 month; sometimes weekly on facetime.

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