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Thread: Married 2 years now...wife's immediate family drives me nutts anymore

  1. #11
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    OK, dude, your communication style with your family is to lead with your chin, and their's is to hit it.

    Your BIL likes to needle you. Why do you think that is? Besides he being a jerk. He may well be one.

    If you ever spent time in a high school locker room or on a sports team, then you know that that kind of talking smack is considered normal and just in fun. Yes, it is not your cup of tea, but it is your BIL's.

    So what do you do?

    Stew about every sentence spoken to you by the relatives. Find the one way to have hurt feelings, then stack on more with every interaction.

    OR, OR, OR,

    Look for a way to not be butt hurt over comments.

    When your relative says it will be hard having 4 female cousins, why not flip it back at him in a good-natured way? Something like "yeah, they're your kids so I know it'll be hell?!"

    Everyone laughs and you get on with it.

    Seriously, some people just poke fun and that is all it is.

  2. #12
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    You are reaching pretty far here literally looking to be wounded where most people would either laugh and respond with a witty remark or wouldn't react at all because they wouldn't read an insult into that kind of a comment.

    "get to work you lazy bum" "Oh yeah, be right on it, now bring me a beer." would be a more common exchange than your rage and opting to take it like it's some kind of real insult and implication that you are actually lazy. It's really hard to understand your perspective and anger. Cussing them out? Really? You are in the wrong here more than they are.

  3. #13
    Bronze Member a_lifters_life's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by DancingFool
    You are reaching pretty far here literally looking to be wounded where most people would either laugh and respond with a witty remark or wouldn't react at all because they wouldn't read an insult into that kind of a comment.

    "get to work you lazy bum" "Oh yeah, be right on it, now bring me a beer." would be a more common exchange than your rage and opting to take it like it's some kind of real insult and implication that you are actually lazy. It's really hard to understand your perspective and anger. Cussing them out? Really? You are in the wrong here more than they are.
    Nah, its not that i perceive it as me being lazy, but that fact its really non of his business what im doing, nevermind the audacity to say that. Its like, what the purpose?

    Its not that my feelings are hurt... its that its extremely aggravating to have to deal with it in person, nevermind, in my own house while im trying to enjoy a game and a short break.

  4. #14
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    Originally Posted by DancingFool
    You are reaching pretty far here literally looking to be wounded where most people would either laugh and respond with a witty remark or wouldn't react at all because they wouldn't read an insult into that kind of a comment.

    "get to work you lazy bum" "Oh yeah, be right on it, now bring me a beer." would be a more common exchange than your rage and opting to take it like it's some kind of real insult and implication that you are actually lazy. It's really hard to understand your perspective and anger. Cussing them out? Really? You are in the wrong here more than they are.
    Originally Posted by a_lifters_life
    Nah, its not that i perceive it as me being lazy, but that fact its really non of his business what im doing, nevermind the audacity to say that. Its like, what the purpose?

    Its not that my feelings are hurt... its that its extremely aggravating to have to deal with it in person, nevermind, in my own house while im trying to enjoy a game and a short break.
    I would have taken the commentary as a compliment for working hard on a Saturday. But that's just me.

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  6. #15
    Bronze Member a_lifters_life's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by jimthzz
    I would have taken the commentary as a compliment for working hard on a Saturday. But that's just me.
    It depends solely on the tone, and who it is coming from. For instance, if my dad or brother said that to me itd be different story, but from HER brother, its a different story. We dont have that type of "BRO" relationship. Its nothing more than a IN-LAW without much close relationship at all.

  7. #16
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    4 girls total (age 2-5). This middle brother says at lunch "Oh <my childs name> is going to have it rough around 4 girls" . My reply: "Um, no, hes not".

    please. my mother's family is a predominently male family -- as in there are 2 women and 5 men in the "aunts and uncles" department (plus their spouses), 3 female grandchildren, 7 male and 5 great grandchildren -- all boys. My cousin is having a little girl and people are so excited that its finally a girl, but some say "oh, she will have great grandpa wrapped around her finger" "the boys *do* need someone to be the boss" "she better like bugs instead of princesses to keep up with this family!" "she is going to have to be a toughie to keep up with all the boys". I mean -- so what... you are FAR too sensitive

    If MIL is a professional painter - take her critique with grace. Just like i take the professional carpenter in the family's opinion when i try to make a picture frame.
    Come up with a funny comeback as far as the boy comments/girl comments "well - they do say a boy is a noise with dirt on it - i hope the girls can keep up!" Or "great, 4 instant babysitters..." THey will ADORE this little baby if you let them. Not to be sexist, but my girl cousins were way more fascinated and wanted to wait on the babies hand and foot where the boys were not interested until the baby could play with them.

    As far as the F off comments, you come off as a roid rage guy!!
    i mean, seriously??


    take a deep breath. Maybe the brother KNOWs he gets your goat. Don't isolate your wife from her family - find a way to get along.

  8. #17
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    Originally Posted by jimthzz
    I would have taken the commentary as a compliment for working hard on a Saturday. But that's just me.


    Originally Posted by a_lifters_life
    It depends solely on the tone, and who it is coming from. For instance, if my dad or brother said that to me itd be different story, but from HER brother, its a different story. We dont have that type of "BRO" relationship. Its nothing more than a IN-LAW without much close relationship at all.


    You do not have to be close to the guy to not take such a comment as hostility.

    It's really up to you to react in any way you want to. You are not locked into being pissed off about everything.

  9. #18
    Bronze Member a_lifters_life's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by jimthzz



    You do not have to be close to the guy to not take such a comment as hostility.

    It's really up to you to react in any way you want to. You are not locked into being pissed off about everything.
    I do though. Its tough to change my reaction to someone i despise... There isnt one thing I can point to and say this is something i see as positive about him. Hes a complete know it all, stuck-up, hypocrite.

    Like I said, if it was someone i respect - yeah totally different, but someone you dont respect - its tough not to get defensive, and now furious like i do.

  10. #19
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    So, figure this out. He's your wife's brother. He likely will be in your life for decades unless you leave her.

    You get furious about snotty little comments. He enjoys making them.

    It is good you seek to vent here. However, I think you ought to look for a counselor who specializes in anger management.

    The only person you can change is yourself. BIL? Not so much.

  11. #20
    Bronze Member a_lifters_life's Avatar
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    Mmmm, well its tough to know HOW to handle it. Im not some witty comment-giver, and i dont think just ignoring him works well either..

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