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Thread: BF no longer intimate with me

  1. #1

    BF no longer intimate with me

    Hi everyone, I'm a little embarrassed and shy to go to friends and family on this one so here I go.

    My bf and I have been together for years. He's a very anxious man and worries about everything, even when it comes to sex. He is afraid of me getting pregnant. When we first started dating, it took him 1.5 years until we finally had sex. One stipulation to this was that I would need to tell him what future medications I take since some interfere with birth control. Simple enough, so I agreed. I am on birth control pills by the way.

    Fast forward 4 years. There was a time I got extremely sick, similar to a flu and was prescribed with antibiotics. As sick as I was, I took the meds to relieve symptoms and to get better. Well, after 4 years I forgot about this little stipulation and he found out when he saw the medication bottle on the countertop.

    He asked questions like, "How long have you been taking this?" "Does this interfere with birth control?" I apologized to him and told him that I took the antibiotics for 4 days and I wasn't sure if it affects birth control. He got extremely upset and told me that I was careless and that I should have looked into the meds and should have told him.

    A few days go on, I get closer to him in bed and he just flips over and faces the other way. A few days go by...then a week... and today hits one whole month of nothing. I've tried everything from dressing up in bed to being half naked. Nothing except me giving him BJ's.

    I know it's my fault but good grief... I feel like a worthless woman just giving BJ's with nothing in return. Not one ounce of affection, no endearment, nothing.

    Am I being too selfish?

  2. #2
    He is the selfish, unsensitive person here. He doesn't seem to care about you at all. I don't see it is your fault that he is extremely anxious. He gets angry over absurd issues and punishes you in a rude and humiliating manner. I am wondering if excepting this sexual problem he has many other manipulative and controlling behaviours.
    He doesn't seem understanding at all and makes himself a victim, although he has no reason to.
    Why didn't you openly discussed about this whole problem with him? It seems like you have lack of comuunication, or you don't have the courage to express your opinion because he is always the right one..
    You should refuse satisfying him any longer and talk to him about this problem.

  3. #3
    Bronze Member
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    If he is that anxious about you getting pregnant maybe he can take some responsibility for preventing it himself, either through condoms or a vasectomy.

  4. #4
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    Does this man make you feel loved?

    Does this man make you feel desired?

    If either of these are a no I can't imagine how he is possibly meeting your needs for love and intimacy.

    My longest relationship was with someone who did that flip over, silent treatment rubbish. A side effect of that relationship was my confidence being beaten down to almost nothing. If anyone ever does that to me again it will be a deal breaker for me.

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    He sounds like a headache you don't need who has multiple obsessions and issues with distrust. If he doesn't want kids tell him to get condoms or a vasectomy.

    He seems like an abusive micromanaging control freak.
    Originally Posted by SLavenderSA
    He is afraid of me getting pregnant. When we first started dating, it took him 1.5 years until we finally had sex.
    He asked questions like, "How long have you been taking this?" "Does this interfere with birth control?" He got extremely upset and told me that I was careless and that I should have looked into the meds and should have told him.

  7. #6
    Thanks everyone. Last thing I need is to be manipulated and controlled by someone. Quite frankly, I'm too old to be dealing with this nonsense.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by SLavenderSA
    Thanks everyone. Last thing I need is to be manipulated and controlled by someone. Quite frankly, I'm too old to be dealing with this nonsense.
    Hope you mean this because what you are dealing with, with this guy is completely insane and it's all him. He needs an army of top notch psychiatrists, not a gf. I can't imagine how you are putting up with this for so long. You can't possibly feel loved or even enjoy sex or have fun with him that way with this level of paranoia. Also, what others already said - if he is that afraid, he can wear condoms or get a vasectomy or both. I'm sorry, OP, but there is a level of disrespect in his attitude leveled at you that you've been ignoring too long. Time to kick him to the curb.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    Him dismissing you in bed and in turn getting a bj? You realize you are just rewarding his bad behavior, right?
    So, you forgot to tell him. But the punishment does not fit the crime.

    And since when does your partner get to punish you continuously over something you did not to on purpose?
    And how long are you going to tolerate and reward his passive aggressive tantrum?

    Sorry to be so forward, but this is intended to get your attention.
    Your bf needs to be checked.

  10. #9
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    How was your sex life and relationship before this?

    He's got issues if he needed to wait 18 months to overcome his fear of possible pregnancy to have sex with you. Are you sure that's the only reason it took so long? I understand wanting to be cautious but he could get himself a vasectomy if he's that concerned about unwanted pregnancy.

    He sounds incredibly rigid (no pun intended) and absolutely punitive. I can't imagine being able to enjoy sex with a man like this, and I sure as hell wouldn't be pulling out all the stops to get him to be intimate again. I would find it hard to deal with his anxiety, but using sex as a weapon to "punish" me would be deal-breaker for me. Does he try to make you jump through hoops in other areas of the relationship as well?

  11. #10
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by MissCanuck
    How was your sex life and relationship before this?

    He's got issues if he needed to wait 18 months to overcome his fear of possible pregnancy to have sex with you.
    Taking a leap here, but if his reaction was so disproportionate to this I would be curious to know how he is in other areas of his life.
    I can't help be think there is more to this.

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