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Thread: 2 years and still seeing the scars

  1. #1
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    2 years and still seeing the scars

    2 years ago the first girl I've ever loved broke my heart. We dated for a year before she left me for another guy after playing us both for months. I let it go too far.

    I did well since then. I've been moving on. Dated multiple girls in the two years since. All semi-serious. Started working a lot on myself. My career, health etc. Bought a house a car and really grew up. I'm 25 now.

    Well I still think about her every day, in passing. It never really bothers me anymore. She was awful to me and I know that. I still miss her though.

    Today I was going through old instagram pictures (not of her, just of me and my friends) and I clicked into the comments and there was a comment from her from years ago calling me cute or something. I must not have blocked her on Instagram (I think she blocked me first so I never felt the need).

    Anyway, next to the comment was her profile picture. Her and the guy she left me for. That really hurt. I knew they were still together anyway. But seeing it really hurt.

    I've been getting so down lately and getting this awful sense of feeling alone. Like I'll never find someone I like as much as I liked her.

    I wont internet date or anything like that because I want my next relationship to be organic, like it was with my x.

    I guess the reason I'm posting this is because although I FEEL better...I know she is still having a big impact on my decisions and my life. I need helping putting that to bed. Is there any steps I might have missed in my recovery?

    For the first time in a year and a half today I nearly text her. Just to say hi and ask why she unblocked me... I really do miss her. And I dont want to feel like that anymore:(

    Shouldnt I have gotten over this by now?
    Sigh

  2. #2
    Gold Member SGH's Avatar
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    First off, don't "should" yourself. Judging yourself for not being over her will make you feel worse. Second, it is totally normal you feel the way you do, but don't go backwards!

    The amount of pain you feel about the situation with your ex is not love - it's pain. It's easy to get the two confused. It's also easy to look back on the good times with a person via social media, but as you can see, it will only set you back.

    You deserve better than a woman who left you for someone else and played with both yours and the other guy's feelings. She showed you her character and no amount of cute comments she left you will change that. Take a deep breath and stop being so hard on yourself, and then realize that just because you miss her, it doesn't mean she's the "one" for you. It means you haven't met the right woman and feel lonely.

    Good luck man. Block her and stay away from memory lane. Nostalgia's price is still too high for you to go digging around.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member figureitout23's Avatar
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    Well its been 2 years but I'm going to guess you haven't really been healing, just transferring the pain. you said youve dated multiple women semi seriously since the break up, I'm going to take a wild stab in the dark and guess one of them ended recently.

    The scariest time to be alone is when youre running from your pain.

    You have to stop and simply be in the moment allow yourself to grieve that relationship, otherwise youre just carrying the corpse around with you.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member Clio's Avatar
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    No need to beat yourself up. But you do need to take her off the pedestal. She is still a cheater. Just because she is still with him doesn't change her lack of character and morals. Contacting her would have been asking for punishment. You need to block her ASAP. So she unblocked you. So what? She was probably feeling bored/ curious/ nosy/ whatever. Contacting her after what she did would have been validating her nasty behaviour.

    Imo, you shouldn't be giving so much weight on what she does. Nor on your residual feelings. Imo, many people would have trouble getting over what she did to you, especially if it was the first time being wronged like that. It also sounds like something may be missing from your current life hence you are fixating on the past. In reality this is a form of procrastination. Your best bet would be addressing what is really troubling you in your current life. It's not really her.

    She is still a cheater and a person of weak character and morals. Unblocking you or still being with him doesn't change any of that. You are still better off without her in your life. Block and dismiss as a random occurrence. Most people do retain being scr3w$d over in their memory for a long time. It's not because the perpetrator was special, it's because they behaved memorably awfully.
    Last edited by Clio; 02-11-2019 at 12:51 AM.

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  6. #5
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    It's a process, there will always be flashbacks and memories. I have the same issues of letting go, it isn't easy for me but others seem to manage it and I question if something is wrong with me? But then I think I'm human and it isn't about pressing a button and it is all over. We live with the memories and reminders. Moving on is a process like grief I think.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Do you miss her per se or that simpler time in your life of the first love, etc.? Own this chapter of your past for yourself and don't ascribe it to her. Also focus on how far you have come from there and celebrate your success and maturity, as well as look fondly on the nostalgia and follies of youth.
    Originally Posted by hrb23
    2 years ago the first girl I've ever loved broke my heart. We dated for a year before she left me for another guy after playing us both for months. I let it go too far.

    I did well since then. I've been moving on. Dated multiple girls in the two years since. All semi-serious. Started working a lot on myself. My career, health etc. Bought a house a car and really grew up. I'm 25 now


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