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Thread: I don't know what to do

  1. #1

    I don't know what to do

    I have been with my boyfriend nearly a year and a half now and things are generally pretty good. However, I know he is chatting to other girls as I have seen on his phone. There is one in particular I am worried about because they chat a lot and some of the messages have really upset me but he doesn't know I've seen them. I would like to think he would never properly cheat on me. But I am so scared of losing him, I don't know what to do.
    If I confront him he will just make a joke out of it. I just want some clarification that he isn't going to leave me or cheat on me, without seeming like a psycho girlfriend.
    I love him so much and don't want to lose him. What should I do?

  2. #2
    Platinum Member indea08's Avatar
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    What were the texts with other girls about?? What did the ones that upset you say?

  3. #3
    About them having a 'connection' and generally quite sexual texts.

    But I know that this woman already has a husband and three kids so would he really leave me for that?

  4. #4
    Platinum Member SGH's Avatar
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    He already is "properly" cheating on you. I assume you've made it quite clear in the past that sexually suggestive messages with other women do not fit into your vision of a monogamous committed relationship. I think it is time to get out. You already feel the need to snoop and you found what you were looking for. You don't trust him and you're right not to. Find someone you can trust because this guy will never make you happy.

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member indea08's Avatar
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    Yep, I agree. This is already cheating.

    Please donít commit yourself to a lifetime of insecurity, walking on egg shells, snooping, and stess. Please donít stay with a cheater.

    You now know what kind of person he is and what heís capable of, so if you choose to stay, know that you consciously made that decision.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    Whether he would "really" leave you for that is not the relevant question right now.

    The relevant question is: Do you want to be in a relationship with someone who is engaging with another woman in this manner?

    The answer, I suspect, is no. Otherwise you wouldn't be posting here.

    Which leads to other questions: Why are you scared to lose someone who is not respecting you or your relationship? Why are you scared to confront him? Why would you remotely consider yourself "psycho" for not wanting your bf to be sexting and connecting with someone who is not you? Why are you sacrificing your own value and worth? What's going on with you to be putting up with him?

    This dynamic, in short, does not sound "generally pretty good." Like, not at all. You don't trust him, because if you did you wouldn't be snooping through his phone. From the snooping you now have reason to not trust him. And so what you have is a relationship with zero trust.

    So, what to do?

    I think you leave him. I don't say that simply because of his behavior, since I'm someone who believes infidelity can be worked through, but because of how scared you are to confront him. It speaks to a dynamic in which you feel minimized, disempowered, insecure, and probably have for the majority. That is all so very unhealthy. That is not to be salvaged, but to be shed, so you can make room for the people who treat you right, who make you feel safe and secure.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    You were fine before you met him 1.5 years ago. Why the desperation, so much so that you've become dependent and would put up with anything? If he leaves, it won't be about sexting this woman. It will be about you making him the center of your universe and suffocating him.
    Originally Posted by Anabelle24
    I have been with my boyfriend nearly a year and a half now and things are generally pretty good.
    -I am so scared of losing him, I don't know what to do.
    -I just want some clarification that he isn't going to leave me or cheat on me, without seeming like a psycho girlfriend.
    -I love him so much and don't want to lose him.

  9. #8
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    He is already cheating on you.

  10. #9
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    Donít call yourself a psycho. Heís CHEATING on you already! You need to confront him and you need to leave. Or if youíre afraid to confront him, just leave!

  11. #10
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    First of all, he is already cheating. Betraying you by talking to other women in a sexual or romantic way, is cheating.

    Secondly, why on earth would you love a man who cheats on you and then makes fun of your feelings when you express to him something that is bothering you?

    He sounds like a selfish jerk who is no good. You need to higher your standards and stop accepting such bad behavior from a man.

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